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To feel annoyed with Dh

(28 Posts)
Plunkett Thu 27-Sep-12 07:26:42

Hello just after others opinions so I can decide if being reasonable or hormonally pregnant type person.
Dh announced in general conversation that he's been invited and is going to Christmas party of some friends in Germany in Dec. This will be 6yr old ds's last day at school and new baby will be 4 wks old ( if born due week). I said I would not be happy with him going and his reply was it was no different to him staying away with work ( he works away a lot!)
I feel it is - this will be on a weekend so no doubt mean he'll be away in week as well meaning I'll have no support with excited Ds and new born. He stated I could stay away the next weekend at my works party however I don't even know if I'll feel up to going and will hopefully be breast feeding - making it hard to stay away.
Am I wrong to think he's being unreasonable?

LindyHemming Thu 27-Sep-12 07:31:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToothbrushThief Thu 27-Sep-12 07:31:48


ToothbrushThief Thu 27-Sep-12 07:32:13

Sorry clicked on wrong thread

sookiesookie Thu 27-Sep-12 07:33:02

I am one of those people who hasn't minded dh traveling for work or pleasure, even when ds was small and had dd as well.
So,imo, yabu but only a little bit.
Would he be willing to cancel if you had to have an emergency section, for example? I have always known dh would not leave me if there was an issue.

Fosgoldlady Thu 27-Sep-12 07:33:19

Tell him that's fine - and to make sure he's free the following weekend when you're at the spa with your friends and unavailable whilst you're there......

CailinDana Thu 27-Sep-12 07:34:04

YANBU. With a four week old and a 6 year old you'll be up to your neck in it. If you have a CS you could still be quite poorly and will probably not be able to drive. To decide to leave you alone for a weekend at that time is incredibly selfish.

sookiesookie Thu 27-Sep-12 07:34:08

Also I have gone away when dcs were small. I would jump at the chance of a night away. Even if you don't do to the work do. Have a nice night in a nice hotel. smile

CailinDana Thu 27-Sep-12 07:36:05

Sookie, would you be ok with being away from a bf 4 week old? I would consider a night away in those circumstances torture.

swallowedAfly Thu 27-Sep-12 07:38:02

ynbu - the fact that he didn't even discuss it with you but just announced it like he has zero need to consult with and consider the family needs is shocking.

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange Thu 27-Sep-12 07:39:22

Yes but bf a newborn means it isn't so simple as to just go away for the night is it?
Personally, I wouldn't have been too bothered because my DH works away a fair bit and so did I at one point but I can understand you being upset. Last day of school, excited about Xmas and a 4 week old baby is a lot to cope with if it isn't necessary IYSWIM.

Actually, thinking about it, I would have been pissed off if my DH was going away for pleasure rather than business in that situation.

sookiesookie Thu 27-Sep-12 07:41:44

Yes Callin, I would and did. My dd was breast fed and my godfather died. We decided it would be better for me to go alone and come back the next day. I could have certainly done it for an nights r&r
You may consider it 'torture' but I think that's a bit dramatic. to am sure the OP asked for opinions. That's mine.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 27-Sep-12 07:42:15

What if you end up having a section?

diddl Thu 27-Sep-12 07:44:20

Well for me I´d be wanting him to wait until nearer the time.

A 6yr old & newborn wouldn´t automatically make it a no for me.

But sometimes when you´ve been mostly alone for the week, you just want somebody there at the weekend, even if you don´t need them.

I know that nobody loves our babies/children as much as we do-but does that apply to fathers?

Can´t imagine my husband would rather be going to a Christmas party than being with his new baby.
(unless it was a couple of hrs after work or something-but not a weekend)

Pooka Thu 27-Sep-12 07:44:52


TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange Thu 27-Sep-12 07:45:31

Some people are happy with that, I went away for a night when dd was 8 weeks old because I had to, but logistically it was difficult.

I don't think I' would have been happy doing it for a night out.

newplan Thu 27-Sep-12 07:49:17

I'd have strung DH up from the nearest lamppost if he announced that.

Should have discussed it first
Should actually want to be with your potentially 2 week old baby.
At that stage the tiredness is at its worst, plus excitement of Christmas, plus well just no!

Pooka Thu 27-Sep-12 07:49:27

If new baby is born 10 days late or so (which is entirely possible) then you're looking at 2 week old baby, older dc, no help in week if he's working and at weekend, possible c-section, perhaps uncomfortable stitches too, and if breastfeeding, still in the realms of constant feeding, especially in evening when you're trying to get older dc to bed. Sleepless nights.

I think if it were a month later, then everything might be more settled. But for it to be presented as a fait accompli and without taking into account that it is different to him being away for work is terribly inconsiderate.

CanIOfferYouAPombear Thu 27-Sep-12 08:05:40

Do you have much support from family and friends? I would begrudgingly let DP go as I have a few people that would quite happily come and replace him for a few days. If not then yanbu and he shouldn't go.

Thing is though, it doesn't matter what we would do. If you're not happy with it then he should respect that.

MyLastDuchess Thu 27-Sep-12 08:09:24

Sorry, I think it's ridiculous. Our second is due in Nov and we live in the country next door to Germany. My OH wouldn't dream of going away at that time. Apart from anything else the new baby might only be 2 weeks old FFS!

And as you mentioned, how can you go away for a weekend if you'll be BFing?

Even if you weren't pregnant, IMO when a child is involved one partner doesn't just "announce" that they are going away. It's always a discussion.

Plunkett Thu 27-Sep-12 08:09:30

Hi thanks for replies ladies. In Dh (and sookies) defense I wouldn't normally mind - like I say he's away a fair bit normally and he never minds me going away ( for work or a jolly). Generally we have quite a relaxed and even relationship.
Guess I'm a what if person - all those things people have mentioned (cs, being late etc) and ds had horrific colic and digestive problems when first born and I'm a little scared of doing it all again (hense why it's taken 6 years to have another smile). Dh is the eternal optimist and says it won't be like it this time. I don't doubt he wouldn't go if any if the above happened just annoyed he's even thinking about it I guess.
I did just sulk off to bed last night so will talk to him properly tonight and explain why I'm unhappy about him going.
Thanks again for all the responses.

girlgonemild Thu 27-Sep-12 08:09:42

My dh went to a wedding when ds2 was 2 weeks. The big difference is that we discussed it together, booked a refundable rate with the hotel and agreed he wouldn't go if baby was late etc. I also got my sister to stay and help me overnight.
I think it's the lack of consultation which is annoying in your situation OP. also a Christmas party doesn't seem to warrant putting you out so much whereas a wedding/ important work event etc. might.

diddl Thu 27-Sep-12 08:16:33

I agree that the assumption that it would all be OK is awful.

sookiesookie Thu 27-Sep-12 08:19:41

For me OP that's the key. I know dh would cancel any plans even last minute if it was going to be difficult for me.
Tbf, I wouldn't be happy if dh booked it without even a mention. That suggests he possibly knew you might not be happy.
I am a worrier and dh is the optimist, ots annoying isn't it? But if that's how he is, that's how he is. I wouldn't change dh and need his optimism to balance me sometimes.

Nanny0gg Thu 27-Sep-12 08:21:04

So, not even discussed, but a fait accompli?
YANBU and I don't actually understand what on earth he is thinking. He works away a lot and actually wants even more time away from his family?
Don't get it...

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