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To say I cant look after my dad for those two weeks as Im going on Holiday.

(58 Posts)
twoteens Wed 26-Sep-12 15:35:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 26-Sep-12 15:37:54

YANBU, provided you take your turn at other times of the year which it looks like you do.
Respite care is there for a reason, not everyone has willing and able extended families to help out and I don't see why your Dad shouldn't use it in this one instance.

How does your sister who he normally lives with feel about you saying no and him going into respite?

trixie123 Wed 26-Sep-12 15:39:33

could your sister (who your dad lives with) arrange her holiday at a different time in the school hols? I can see how she might feel a bit hmm as she does the majority of the care but your holiday is reliant on a third party so you can't change. Its then or not at all (I assume). Are you paying for the Turkish holiday though? If so, you COULD use those funds to go somewhere else at a different time, or are you saving £££ by going with the friends?

quoteunquote Wed 26-Sep-12 15:41:01

well you have plenty of time to book him into a residential home for those two weeks, they are use to this, plenty of people use residential or nursing home for this, or a live in carer for two weeks, plenty of agencies supply them.

I'm sure your dad won't want anyone to miss out on anything.

it's not a problem, there are plenty of solutions.

ENormaSnob Wed 26-Sep-12 15:41:16


If your sis is fine with him going into respite then I don't see a problem.

twoteens Wed 26-Sep-12 15:42:09

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twoteens Wed 26-Sep-12 15:46:16

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NatashaBee Wed 26-Sep-12 15:47:41

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twoteens Wed 26-Sep-12 15:54:21

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Casserole Wed 26-Sep-12 15:56:19

I think YABU actually, but clearly I'm in the minority.

Your sister does all year round. I think she should get first dibs on time off.

twoteens Wed 26-Sep-12 16:04:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummytime Wed 26-Sep-12 16:07:01

YANBU my MIL went into respite care several times before she died, and she was quite happy. You have plenty of time to look for a really nice nursing home, and whats more as its only a week maybe able to afford somewhere nicer than if it was full-time.
It is also very useful for you as a family to investigate such things. After all what happens if your father gets more infirmed? Or if your sister who cares for him is ill herself for a while?

Could you not just go away for the one week?

missymoomoomee Wed 26-Sep-12 16:12:31

I agree with casserole actually. Your sister does most of the time and has obviously given up a lot of her time and space and nights out etc, it also doesn't sound like any of you will enjoy your holidays knowing your Dad is in care. Saying that I can't really see why your other sister can't do it either.

dikkertjedap Wed 26-Sep-12 16:14:15

Going for one rather than two weeks seems a good compromise?

TheProvincialLady Wed 26-Sep-12 16:16:46

Your dad will go to respite care for a week. It will be fine. In fact, it is probably a good thing to introduce because there will very likely be other occasions that it becomes necessary. A week in respite care is not causing any inconvenience to either of your sisters - in fact it leaves a week free later in the year that you could cover. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Have your holiday.

Casserole Wed 26-Sep-12 16:18:33

Can't you go to Turkey for one week?
Everyone wins then.

NUFC69 Wed 26-Sep-12 16:20:17

I am not sure if YABU or not. However, my DF died over fifteen years ago and I can tell you that I still feel guilty that my DSis took on his care all those years ago and it colours my relationship with her even now. They both lived over 200 miles away from me and my family and whilst I did help when I could (either having him here or going down there), I still feel unhappy about what I did. You will have to live with whatever you decide - I do not intend to get at you when I say that, it's just a fact. To be honest, I can understand why you want to go away under your family circumstances, just know that whatever decision you make it will be difficult.

SunflowersSmile Wed 26-Sep-12 16:23:44

This may not be possible but...... can you pay for live in care for that week at your sister's home so your Dad stays at home in his own surroundings?

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold Wed 26-Sep-12 16:24:57

Sunflowers the OP clearly mentions lack of funds in her first post!

twoteens Wed 26-Sep-12 16:25:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunflowersSmile Wed 26-Sep-12 16:26:00

Rightoh- wouldn't respite care have to be paid for?

SunflowersSmile Wed 26-Sep-12 16:28:17

Or club together to pay for live in care for a week?

Casserole Wed 26-Sep-12 16:30:58

Yes, I was wondering that - who's going to pay for the respite?

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 26-Sep-12 16:32:51

I'm inclined to agree with Casserole. From the point of view of your sister - she looks after Dad for 50 weeks of the year, is asking for two off and you can't do it.

My mum is in your situation with her parents, her brother and sister-in-law live next door so do most of the looking after. But she goes several times a year to give her brother a "holiday".

I think if Dad does go into respite for that week then you ought to pay, or at least make a generous contribution towards the costs.

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