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to want to get back in touch...

(9 Posts)
waitandsee Wed 26-Sep-12 09:23:09

Will try and keep this short and simple. Had a male best friend from the age of 16 - 22. Nothing sexual ever happened between us, although with hindsight there was a bit of an undercurrent. We had brilliant, brilliant times together and whilst he could be quite possessive and moody, he could also make me laugh like no one else has since. When we were together we didn't need anyone else, and so probably were quite irritating to be around, being in the little bubble of "us" that we were.

Anyway, things went a bit wrong when I met a new boyfriend, who is now my DH. Friend immediately took a disliking to him and over the course of about a year was rude to him on several occasions. It all came to a head in a big row and friend and I haven't really spoken since.

Fast forward about a decade and I am now a married mum to a young baby. Perhaps I have too much time on my hands because recently I have found myself thinking a lot about friend and the times we had together, and missing him terribly. WIBU to get back in touch, even though I know DH would be pretty upset? Has anyone else been in this sort of situation and what was the outcome?

HeathRobinson Wed 26-Sep-12 09:31:38

I would say it's not him you're missing, it's the 'you' you were then and how much fun you had as a single person.

Why not get a babysitter and go out and have some fun with dh?

SpaceCorpsDirective34124 Wed 26-Sep-12 09:33:42

I wouldn't get in touch with someone I had an 'undercurrent' with who was no longer in my life and knowing it would upset my husband.

I would instead spend time really thinking about why I had suddenly started to think about this person and look at my life now and try to see what if anything is missing or going wrong, perhaps with my relationship, that my thoughts have turned to some old 'what might have been'. If that makes any sense.

And - are you thinking of doing something that would upset you if it was done to you? That's a key thing, imo. If your husband did it, how would you feel? Would you do something that would hurt you if done to you?

Saltycopporn Wed 26-Sep-12 09:53:48

I Agree with Heath. Very well put.

waitandsee Wed 26-Sep-12 10:02:23

Heath - I think you have hit the nail on the head. I wouldn't change my baby or my husband for the world but I just want to be transplanted back to those old days, even if were just for one night. The trouble is, because we were in such a bubble, there is no one to reminisce about those days with, and unsurprisingly DH isn't exactly enthusiastic when I regale him with tales of the fun me and friend used to get up to....

Doesn't help that DH and I seem to bicker all the time at the moment, and I am going back to work in a couple of weeks and feeling very anxious about it all. Feeling very sad all of a sudden.

waitandsee Wed 26-Sep-12 10:03:53

and my OP should obviously read "married mum with a young baby....!

SoulTrain Wed 26-Sep-12 10:06:23

Wise words from Heath. Dodgy ground I think, try and put a bit of time back into you and DH smile.

aldiwhore Wed 26-Sep-12 10:10:52

It would only upset the people you are spending your life with now, and your loyalty should be to your DH. If he would be upset, I wouldn't do it, especially as your friend was rude to him often!

It is sad but Heath is right.

You do need to sort out something so that you don't have so much time on your hands for wistful trips down memory lane... that doesn't mean you should react a past that wasn't 'right'. I hesitate to say 'get a hobby' because it sounds so 'WI' and lame, but you do need something to immerse yourself in that makes you feel good and that you can look back on whistfully later in life! Good luck, been there, sent an email, felt stupid, upset people and wouldn't do it again! Exes are exes for a reason. You didn't drift apart, you fell out, rightly.

waitandsee Wed 26-Sep-12 17:42:57

Thanks aldi - interesting to hear you have been in a similar situation. Think, whilst it pains me to admit it, it will be good for me, and for mine and DH's relationship when I do go back to work and have a bit of the "old me" back..

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