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To think that ignoring bad behavior is f****ing ignorant old school behavior

(147 Posts)
paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:07:52

Im so depressed reading all these mums net threads that basically say 'just ignore it' about crying or other bad behaviors. This was the way I was parented 30 years ago ffs! If I wanted to parent like my own parents why would I need to go on an Internet forum to hear all about these old school parenting philosophies.
I know there are some great enlightened mums betters out there but you seem to be awfully quiet of late!!!

News flash mums betters - bad behavior is a red flag that your child needs connection and love to get on track again

News flash 2 - crying helps children release feelings do they can get back to their natural cooperative selves.

Your kids could be little Angels if you weren't so intent on ignoring them

If you ignore bad behavior it just gets worse because child feels even more rejected and alone when you withdraw connection
News flash mums betters

paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:09:20

Sorry that should be mums betters not betters

paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:10:02

Stupid phone! I mean mums netters

scaevola Wed 26-Sep-12 07:10:38

30 years ago is hardly old school: it's my generation, thanks.

Sweeping, ill founded generations beore I've even had my coffee! What a way to strat the day.

pouffepants Wed 26-Sep-12 07:11:23

I thought old school was punishing bad behaviour.

spyinglife Wed 26-Sep-12 07:12:50

The reason it is still around is because, if you can do it properly, it works.

noblegiraffe Wed 26-Sep-12 07:13:55

30 years ago I was being walloped for bad behaviour.

paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:14:23

I am just finding that there is too much of the 'ignore it and it will stop' philosophy around. I find it depressing because it just doesn't work . Of course punishment is old school too but ignoring isn't exactly respectful of the child.

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 26-Sep-12 07:14:25

Crying is bad behaviour? confused

Oh, I'm glad I don't have kids yet.

SomersetONeil Wed 26-Sep-12 07:15:13

Thank God you're here to enlighten us to the One True Way to parent.

I nearly didn't know how to do it.

paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:15:44

It might work , but children end up pretty damaged in the long run - with parents that withdraw love and connection when their children are 'bad'

lightrain Wed 26-Sep-12 07:16:29

Old school would be to punish. These days it's more widely established that ignoring bad behaviour and lavishing attention for positive behaviour is a great way to let your child know how to behave. No attention for negative behaviour, lots of attention for good behaviour. It's NOTHING to do with how much you love your child.

I think you missed the whole point of this technique OP.

flyoverthegoldenhill Wed 26-Sep-12 07:17:09

Ithink people try to parent differently to how they were parented.
Its like fashion,it doesn't really change it just goes round in circles. 30 years ago I'd have been slapped for bad behaviour.

Ecgwynn Wed 26-Sep-12 07:17:34

Yeah we all just ignore our babies when they cry because feeding them just encourages it.

paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:18:21

Thanks for explaining , It's scary how widespread this idea is . We are not dogs!

paranoid2android Wed 26-Sep-12 07:21:19

That's what I mean - we don't ignore babies burst some stage we decide a child's cries aren't valid and it's time to ignore ignore ignore . It's not exactly respectful of the child's feelings is it ?
And yes i was hit and punished as well as ignored, it's just the ignoring part we haven't got rid of yet

redlac Wed 26-Sep-12 07:21:51

Jeezo since WHEN is crying bad behaviour? I have a cryer and she can cry for Scotland OWEVER as her mother I know what is genuine crying and what is attention crying - therefore I lavish her with attention when she does something without crying or when it is genuine however I ignore the "I'm crying cos I'm not getting my own way"

If I was to drop everything every time she cried I would be creating a MONSTER

NorksAreMessy Wed 26-Sep-12 07:22:00

paranoid can you give some examples of bad behaviour that you are dealing with, and we will try to help

trixie123 Wed 26-Sep-12 07:27:28

so if they're having a tantrum because they want a third biscuit half an hour before dinner, you do what exactly?

BitOutOfPractice Wed 26-Sep-12 07:27:29

I have no idea what you are on about op. I have never seen a MNer describe crying as bad behaviour, let alone advise anyone to ignore a distressed child

And btw your tone is extremely irritating op.

I have therefore decided to ignore you

LST Wed 26-Sep-12 07:30:46

biscuit

Chandon Wed 26-Sep-12 07:33:19

?! not sure what you are on about.

IMO, crying or being upset should never be ignored (but maybe give them a few minutes to calm down a bit if they are in a rage).

However, whining, whinging and pretend crying (of the type, "I want a sweetie, Now, Boohoo!" stamp feet) should be ignored.

I think any mum learns the difference between sadness and simply trying to get their way. The latter is best dealt with if ignored, in my experience.

SomersetONeil Wed 26-Sep-12 07:34:03

I'm trying to understand why ignoring bad behaviour (not terrible or disruptive behaviour, but bad) and lavishing praise and attention on good behaviour (thereby encouraging its repeat) is so awful.

SomersetONeil Wed 26-Sep-12 07:36:26

We are talking about bad, naughty behaviour here, right? Not being upset, which no-one would or should ignore.

Maybe we need to define what is meant by 'bad'... hmm

I honestly don't think you have the first idea what you are talking about but just to humour you, if ignoring bad behaviour is withdrawing love and connection what should we be doing according to you, the fountain of knowledge regarding motherhood?
Because time out could also be seen as withdrawing love, I doubt any child being smacked or beaten is feeling much love from their parent and even talking to your child about what they did wrong could be seen as withdrawing love because they will know they did something wrong and therefore dissatisfied with them.

By the way I don't believe any of that bullshit,I'm just wondering what I've been doing wrong for the last 14 years according to mother of the century

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