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To finally rudely tell my neighbour loudly to Mind His Own Business this morning?

(66 Posts)
akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 09:52:23

I am feeling quite angry to ready to brave AIBU.

I home educate ds atm. Its not a long term solution but he has various disabilities including Autism and Dyspraxia. Hopefully later this year we will be able to find a suitable placement but for now he is being educated by me in a very informal way at home.

Small background. He has always struggled at school because of his conditions and at his first school he was managed very badly by staff with no understanding of his conditions. It was hell on earth for him really sad. We persevered and persevered and moved school at the final school he was assaulted by one of his teachers and for two weeks in a row, each day he came home with bruises and abrasions all over his body and face from being restrained. Quite simply school had bottomed out, he was totally unable to cope with it he was being harmed and Self Harming (biting, scratching, punching himself) almost daily. Finally we removed him, it was a massive decision and not one we took lightly, we perserved in what was for him a hellish environment for three years.

Every morning as I return from dropping my other child at school my neighbour asks why ds isn't in school. I tell him. Quite often I can brush him off though on occasion I have stopped to fully explain why ds is not in school and about his conditions. This morning my neighbour again stopped me and actually started shouting at me in my own garden that "that boy needs to be in school, you are making him stupid, I will be speaking to someone about this, enough is enough!" I again tried to explain and ended up telling him about ds being harmed at school, his response? "well he was obviously being badly behaved wasn't he?" I am afraid I lost it and told him "you are obviously too stupid to understand what I KEEP trying to tell you so just mind you own BUSINESS" and walked off he carried on shouting after me and I just kept telling him (heatedly blush) to mind his own business. All this in front of ds who now has the red cheeks (big sign of impending meltdown) and is totally stressed out by it all.

Anyway feel utterly rubbish now but its just another incident of ignorance I suppose, its not like I am not used to it. Just feel like a bit of a fishwife blush.

BumpingFuglies Tue 25-Sep-12 09:55:21

YANBU, this man is ignorant. Let him get on with it and ignore him.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:55:31

is he elderly? Am just wondering if he could have dementia leading him to forget your answers and ask the same questions over and over again, and also to get over the top aggressive.

NotQuitePerfect Tue 25-Sep-12 09:56:38

I feel for you. What a disgusting man. You do not need to justify what you and your child are doing to anyone, let alone such an ignorant pig who is nothing at all to do with your family. You have done the right thing.

Chelvis Tue 25-Sep-12 09:57:13

I think you were remarkably restrained in the circumstances. I would ignore any future approaches from him, but document it - it sounds like it is becoming harrassment.

nightowlmostly Tue 25-Sep-12 09:57:30

I don't know a lot about your son's conditions tbh, but the principle seems to me that he bloody well should mind his own business! How dare he keep on at you, especially after you've explained the situation, you didn't have to do that. He sounds a bit disturbed, I would ignore him completely from now on I think.

Good luck getting your son a place in a suitable school.

NotQuitePerfect Tue 25-Sep-12 09:57:46

Sorry, I didn't think about the elderly/dementia aspect, I was just so angry for you! Even so, it is absolutely none of his business.

CookingFunt Tue 25-Sep-12 09:58:39

As if things weren't hard enough for you without an ignorant busybody sticking their oar in.
Probably not the best response but by the sounds of it you reached your limit with him.

NoNoNoMYDoIt Tue 25-Sep-12 10:00:48

That sounds like an awful altercation. Not what you need at all. YANBU to tell him to mind his own business. But in future how about suggesting that he does report you, assuming that he will be told by the authorities that they have a record that you rDS is being home educated?

YAprobablyBU to expect him to understand from the sounds of it. Doesn't sound like he is capable of it. Maybe his education made him stupid grin

Nanny0gg Tue 25-Sep-12 10:00:53

I don't know what to say really. I know people can be stupid and unthinking, but your neighbour actually beggars belief.
Do you have a DH/DP? Can he (or you) go and speak to the neighbour later, and explain, slowly and clearly, in words of one syllable, why a) it's none of his business b) you've already explained your son's difficulties and c) why does he actually need to make the situation and your son feel worse?

Just for your own sake, have you told your LA, so that Educational Welfare doesn't come after you and do you have any other support? Home ed groups/autism, dyspraxia help?

Out of interest, how old is this twat person?

Oh, and {{hugs}} I think you're doing remarkably well with a very difficult situation.

funnypeculiar Tue 25-Sep-12 10:01:27

I don't blame you at all - it must be exhausting & frustrating having to justify a well thought out & difficult decision every day to someone who has no business challenging it.

Since you have explained the situation fully in the past, I would nod and smile now - just completely fail to hear him & move on.

How old is he? It may be a dementia issue, but tbh, if he's becoming verbally aggressive, I still wouldn't engage.

Hope you and ds manage to have a calm morning - have a nice brew & look after yourself.

cozietoesie Tue 25-Sep-12 10:02:30

It sounds to me as if your neighbour has some issues which are affecting his judgement. (Is he home all day?) If you can, ignore it and don't interact with him.

GodisaDj Tue 25-Sep-12 10:02:39

YANBU

Are you ok OP? That sounds horrible. Confrontation is never nice but this man sounds persistent.

Can someone in real life pop round for a brew so you can vent?

hoodoo12345 Tue 25-Sep-12 10:03:50

YANBU Your child has nothing what so ever to do with him, he is obviously a complete nutcase and full of shit.
I guarantee he won't be speaking to anyone,he is a bully set on intimidating you.

akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 10:04:37

He is elderly but no dementia as far as I can tell, btw I used to work in Old Age Mental Health and dealt with a lot of patients with dementia. I often hear him shouting at his poor wife too (though she does shout back to be fair) and have heard him make comments about how women who get hit often wind men up to do it! Ex H who talks to him about football etc sometimes says he is just "old fashioned" shock.

I honestly had just reached my limit with it, you now when you just suddenly burst like a volcano and afterwards think that you didn't even feel it coming, thats what it was like because I would never usually have done that in front of ds as I try so hard to keep him on an even keel.

Thanks for your replies, am spending the morning listening to ds droning on about Hornby rail tracks now which is calming to say the least smile.

akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 10:06:37

Nanny0gg Ds has been officially removed from school, with full knowledge of the LA and we still have a case worker with them as he is still statemented through them, in fact we have just had our annual review and they were very happy with him. The Ed Psych (who knows him well) said she could see a massive difference in his interactions and emotional well being.

cozietoesie Tue 25-Sep-12 10:07:40

Not necessarily saying he has dementia but he's clearly not operating properly in a standard way. Glad you're calmer for now, at least. Very upsetting for you and DS.

akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 10:07:45

I am not worried about him talking to anyone, all bases there are covered, just don't need the hassle really, which it will be because obviously they have to look into these things.

CookingFunt Tue 25-Sep-12 10:09:43

Yes how silly of the women to wind the poor men up hmm,a good clatter will sort them out [eye rolling/head banging emoticon needed] .

Don't give him another thought OP.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 25-Sep-12 10:09:49

Bloody hell. I don't think you should feel any need to keep explaining yourself to him, you've been very patient so far. Just smile and blank him, or say 'we've had this conversation, we'll have to agree to disagree'.

If he suggests reporting you again, I'd say 'yes, why don't you do that if it makes you feel better, we've nothing to hide'. It might help, as someone else will tell him everything's fine.

It does sound as though there's something wrong with him though, dementia, stress, something. Is there anyone you can ask? It might make you feel much better if you know this is his problem, for a reason, so you can be sympathetic and explain his behaviour to your son.

cozietoesie Tue 25-Sep-12 10:10:55

They look into things if they get a report (and he may be all mouth and no trousers) but they don't do it by rote as you'll well know. A case which is known to them and a potentially 'difficult' complainer are not handled the same way as others might be.

I hope you don't get the hassle, anyway.

Startailoforangeandgold Tue 25-Sep-12 10:13:50

YANBU,
I think refusing ever to speak to neighbour again, at least about DS, may be the only cure.

Certainly I know two lovely 85ish ladies who are suddenly finding it very hard to remember conversations had in the recent past and we had one gentleman by school who was utterly daft about parking.

Fortunately he thought DD2 was cute and stopped moaning we were in his sisters space. Never saw this sister or a non school mum parked there and concluded he wasn't quite with it.

LemonBreeland Tue 25-Sep-12 10:16:45

YANBU to have finally had enough. It sounds like he has been winding you up for a long time. He is rude and should listen to what you actually have to say.

threeorangesocksmorganisagirl Tue 25-Sep-12 10:19:00

yanbu
the man was bang out of order

akaemmafrost Tue 25-Sep-12 10:23:45

Just spoke to ds's Dad, who is on friendly terms with him. He's going to have a word, he'll probably listen to him, what with him being A MAN and all hmm.

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