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to be furious with this woman...

(81 Posts)
SkinnyMarinkADink Tue 25-Sep-12 08:58:03

This is probably going to be rather lengthy.

i am a childminder and for the last year have been looking after one mindee for very long hours each week. The last 6 months have been awful and i have really been there for the mother when she has needed help, for example taking her to work when her partner refused to. the child has become more and more challenging over the last few months, i have successfully weaned him off of baby jars, however his behaviour has got really bad and it got to the stage i can no longer tar him to any groups or activity as he screamed the whole time and picked on other children.

we moved to a different area recently and i agreed that i would meet her in the mornings at her work to pick him up, this was up until i go on maternity leave am 23 weeks now. this turned in to her demanding i drop him in evenings also, i did it as losing her money was not an option we could do. she has subsequently taken the piss more and more examples...

- she constantly gives him to me when he is ill. he had the start of chicken pox virus gave it to me and i got shingles (11 weeks pregnant) the week before last he arrived obviously full of cold and very unhappy i ended up with the cold and have spent the last week in bed feeling totally awful. when asked to pick him up she would arrive 3 hours later. i have taken him to the Dr on many occasion.

-she never pays me on time. pay day is Friday it usually arrives Sunday.

- i was running a couple minutes behind schedule and she was waiting for me for 3 minutes maximum she stood and shouted at me. had rang me several times.

I am getting to the point now grin the parent is always talking about twitter, saying how fun it is to stalk celebs etc, from what she said her life is played out on it.

A couple of weekends back i was waiting on her paying me. I had said on the Friday i really needed it on time as we were going out for the day she said to text her in the morning and she would pay straight away, i did this and got no response and no money. in the end we couldn't go out for the day this started the total breakdown of me wanting to deal with her anymore. Eventually she messaged me on the Sunday evening to say she had been ill and not had her phone with her, dh didn't believe her and decided to look her up on twitter...

I discovered she had not been ill in bed.. she had been out for the day there were photos and 'tweets' from the whole day... hmm

I have been having a awful pregnancy, was going to go on mat leave at 26 weeks, however have another water infections, a cold still and feel pretty awful and tearfull at the thought of a tantruming child 10 hours per day for the next 3 weeks, the driving twice a day 7.30am i have to hurl dd in the car. also the fact i work 2 days free a week for her with all the expense she doesn't cover

so i called her last night, explained that i don't feel i can be her child minder any more due to my health and that i would not be returning to working. I've not left her in any predicament as her mum is here helping her the last week I've been off. she was very nice about it and i said i would refund what i owe her if she sent bank details to me, excellent i thought. until dh said that he finds it odd that she was so nice when she was always having digs at me so we had a little sneak on twitter....

There are really awful things that she is saying about me, one says "childminder can't be arsed anymore so it going to be a jobless bum, may as well pay her wages through taxes now!!"
after looking through a bit further there are regular tweets about me rather nasty.

My aibu is...would ibu if i either...

A) delayed her money like she has done to me several times.
B) make my own twittter and follow her and hope it makes her feel a little bit ashamed for what she has said.
C) when sending her an email with how much i owe her add in there a line like "can't wait for my maternity pay to start in a few weeks guess i will just be a jobless bum till then LOL."

Pilchardnpoppy Tue 25-Sep-12 09:05:15

If you had issues with her you should have spoken to her much sooner. As a professional you need to set the boundaries of what you will do, otherwise you will be taken advantage of. Ignore twitter and look forward to your baby. Nothing else will matter when he or she is here.

NeedlesCuties Tue 25-Sep-12 09:05:47

Wow, she sounds like hard work!

In your position I would pay her on time - no need to stoop to her level of disrespect.

But I wouldn't be able to resist making your C) option regarding Twitter and maybe remind her that Twitter is public so she should temper what she slags off there.

Well done you for prioritising your health and pregnancy.


Mrsjay Tue 25-Sep-12 09:06:09

You sound well rid of her she was taking advantage of your kind nature a lot of CM wouldn't do what you did for her and a if her kid was in nursery then nobody would be picking him up, I would pay her email her be as cheeky as you like but I would add Good luck in finding another minder who will put up with you,

ThreeWheelsGood Tue 25-Sep-12 09:06:13

Personally I would delay paying her -tit for tat, satisfying. But ignore Twitter, don't follow her, just cut ties. Healthier for your mental wellbeing. Definitely don't send that in the email, remain professional!

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 25-Sep-12 09:07:02

She sounds an utter sod, and is utterly taking the piss.

what about D) Pay her what you owe her - no rush, but no extreme delay- minus any expenses that you've had to pay out on her behalf. Give her a detailed invoice. Then ignore her, move on and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy knowing you're well rid?

NB don't resort to any mud-slinging (although of course, imagine the things you might say). It'll be never-ending and will suck up all your energy. And she won't change.

Mrsjay Tue 25-Sep-12 09:07:04

But I wouldn't be able to resist making your C) option regarding Twitter and maybe remind her that Twitter is public so she should temper what she slags off there.

^ ^ this I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something ,

altinkum Tue 25-Sep-12 09:07:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueballoon79 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:09:05

I wouldn't do anything tbh.

I'd pay her the money back and be grateful that I didn't have to deal with horrible back stabbing cow again or her bratty child.

You've done over and above what would be expected of you in your line of work and I think you can hold your head up high knowing you have done your best.

You're a saint to have put up with the amount you have done.

People who know her well will know what's she's like. She's obviously an incredibly childish and spiteful person to be writing all those lies about you on Twitter.

Don't sink to her level, you've already proven you're better than that.

altinkum Tue 25-Sep-12 09:09:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KenLeeeeeee Tue 25-Sep-12 09:11:39

She sounds an utter arsehole, but I would advise against stooping to her level. You need to remain professional for the sake of looking for future clients when you return to work. Anyway, she'll get her comeuppance when she needs to find a replacement CM and nobody will touch her with a bargepole if she demands as much from them as she did you.

bringbacksideburns Tue 25-Sep-12 09:11:50

Text her. Tell her you have read everything she has written about you and you are deeply upset. List all the late payments, the Shingles which could have been very dangerous for you and all the countless times you supported her with her child. Pay her and get rid - and badmouth her to everyone you know.

Some people are just selfish twats.

MmmPercyPigs Tue 25-Sep-12 09:11:57

Oh your options sound very tempting OP but moral high ground - don't stoop to her level and all that. It sounds like you were a little too helpful and nice. Better rid of her completely.

KenLeeeeeee Tue 25-Sep-12 09:12:52

OR, do as altinkum suggests and get a solicitor's letter out to her. Is it slander or libel in cases like this....? I rather like that idea.

Tabliope Tue 25-Sep-12 09:15:07

I'd delay her money until she'd chased me a bit and I'd also respond in Twitter saying how unreasonably demanding she was to work with but worst of all never paid you on time. Don't mention her child, that's not his fault. Or I'd put it on twitter if she didn't remove the comments about you you'd be seeking legal advice as it was slander. Better you get it taken down as you might need to be a childminder in the future so your reputation is important. I would have ditched her long ago.

Jalopeno Tue 25-Sep-12 09:16:22

She sounds awful. I would pay what you owe but would mention that a mutual friend saw her slander you on twitter so you decided to take a look and that you found it interesting that x day when she told you she was in bed ill that she was actually out.

I can guarantee her next child minder will not be as accommodating as you were. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Nanny0gg Tue 25-Sep-12 09:22:23

I think you should pay her more or less promptly , but in an e-mail, point out that slander is something you take seriously, and you are keeping copies of what has been tweeted so far and if it doesn't stop you will be consulting a solicitor.

And why on earth did you put up with her for so long??

LunaticFringe Tue 25-Sep-12 09:26:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acepuppets Tue 25-Sep-12 09:28:11

You sound as if you have had an awful time. I would be very professional and pay up and act as if you are not hurt - even if you are hurting inside. You won't be the last person she treats like this. Good luck with your new baby and rest.

MrSunshine Tue 25-Sep-12 09:32:30

She sounds like a nightmare client, but to be honest, you don't sound very professional at all.
Why haven't you dealt with any of this previously?

DeWe Tue 25-Sep-12 09:38:30

Just one comment though: You can't get shingles from chicken pox. It's the other way round.

autumnlights12 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:39:02

what's her twitter name? evil chuckle

Morloth Tue 25-Sep-12 09:44:51

Toss her her money, stop looking at her twitter and just wash your hands of her as professionally as possible.

If you intend to CM in the future, draw up solid contracts ans stick to them.

Mummy4life Tue 25-Sep-12 09:45:07

well done for getting rid of her. I know you need the money but seriously, it can't be worth all the stress especially seeing as you are pregnant.

I think in the future you need to be more selective. Remember, you are offering a service and she is paying fees for that service. You do not work for her and she does not pay you a wage - you are self employed!

You need to come across as a professional. You are based at home and while it was rather generous that you extended your services to picking up and dropping home, you are not obliged to and in fairness, if you had additional mindees, it may not be possible anyway.

Do you have policies and procedures in place? You should have one regarding illnesses, sickness, late payment of fees etc. You should not feel under pressure to look after a mindee while they are sick or contagious. I too am a childminder, and having polices in place makes me confident to run my business as I see fit. Thankfully, I have never had any major disagreements, as the parents knew where they stood also. If you don't have policies, I'd strongly advise you draw some up..

It seems she completely took advantage of your good nature, and I think she'll be extremely luck if she found someone even half accommodating as you! What was your relationship like in the beginning?

It's so important that you strike a connection with the parents. If you don't think you'll gel, it's probably not going to work out long-term. You need to have a good working relationship with the parents so you can discuss progress, concerns etc. regarding the mindees and share information. It benefits the children when relations are good - and that is very important! It also creates a pleasant atmosphere for work.

I wish you luck in the rest of your pregnancy and hope you are more successful in your quest for work

M4L x


Longtalljosie Tue 25-Sep-12 09:54:29

Don't make the joke in the email - she'll probably take it seriously and repeat it.

I would go with "I have seen your Twitter account and am very disappointed that given the flexibility I have shown you over the months / years, you have been less than straight with me and have said unpleasant things about me".

There's nothing she can say about that, it's a) restrained and b) factual

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