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To think I've totally changed...for the worse

(14 Posts)
Natnat29 Tue 25-Sep-12 08:54:54

Seen the post earlier about checking Facebook timeline in case old messages were showing from 2007/2008 and was surprised to see how different I sounded then.
The 2 things I think that have changed me totally are starting my new job in 2007, where to be frank my personality has been ground out of me- I'm the youngest by a long way in an office of middle aged women have never fitted in and this has gradually knocked away at me. Secondly in 2009I was diagnosed with a life changing medical condition it was a hard year I nearly lost everything that year and it's took ever since to try and get things back go some sort of normality.
Anyway from reading those old posts it makes me feel sad for the girl I once was- happy and young. I feel like such a bitter bitch now and even though my life is changing again (for the better this time) - I'm going to become a first time mum soon I wonder if I'll ever get back to just being how I once was. Maybe I've just grown up and this is who I am now ?!

AngelaMerkel Tue 25-Sep-12 09:22:00

I know what you mean about a job knocking the stuffing out of you. I had one where I used to cry going in (until I got a much better one with a big pay-rise [SMILE]).
...but I think we all retain something of ourselves and I like to think that these shitty times are the experiences that will bring us wisdom!

Being a some ways it changed me but I'm definitely still me, a better version of me though.

Natnat29 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:51:54

I'm hoping becoming a mum will change me for the better too smile
I'm probably going to be changing jobs after I go back from may leave so think that will feel like a big positive change when in not working in such a bitchy atmosphere

MrDobalina Tue 25-Sep-12 09:54:58

are you 27 years old?

MrDobalina Tue 25-Sep-12 09:57:12

or there abouts?

MadBusLady Tue 25-Sep-12 10:04:09

Oh god, I had a similar FB experience last night for the same reason. grin I never use the bloody thing, I just go in and tinker whenever there's another security snafu. So yes, it is a bit of a time capsule.

But I realised - after I'd stopped hyperventilating with horror - that there were positive changes in there too. I did fit a certain definition of "really happy" at one time, but it wasn't really my definition, I was socialising a bit frenetically, drinking too much, smoking too much. It wasn't sustainable for me. And it was also quite good to be able to attribute periods of shitness to definite events, and say "Well, I started feeling like this because that happened". A lot of stuff that I'd been kind of assuming was my fault really wasn't. I also realised there's stuff about me now that the 27 year old me would envy massively.

It sounds like changing your job would make a huge difference, it is rotten having a crap atmosphere at work, and it takes longer than you think to get the effects of a bad workplace out of your system. Maybe just identifying how badly it's affected you is the first step.

Bubblemoon Tue 25-Sep-12 10:10:17

Life changes you. Sometimes it's not good and it makes us a bit harder and more bitter - crap jobs wear you down,ill health comes as a shock to that happy, healthy, young girl who was going to live forever and skip through it all in high heels. And sometimes change is for the better - you overcome ill health or make your mark in a new job (or perhaps leave it sticking two fingers up at it as you walk away with baby on board) and you feel proud of how you dealt with difficult times and your warmth and joy comes back.

Don't feel sad for the girl you once were....feel the thrill of life being an open book and the woman you are becoming because of all the rich pile of stuff life throws at you - you're wiser, you have experience under your belt. You're a survivor! The most exciting things are yet to come and you'll be able to handle them better and enjoy them all the more because of where you've been.

VoterColonelSebastianDoyle Tue 25-Sep-12 10:11:18

Wow you sound just like me, I feel exactly the same. Some of my family members commented on how I have changed and im not as bubbly and smiley as i used to be.....well guess what yes i have changed. I've now got a daughter and a house to worry about. Of course people change when they have children. I just feel so self concious about how i should be acting. But i feel like a totally different person my self, after having my dd i got PND so was on anti depressants for 18 months, so i think that has contributed to "forgetting" who i used to be. But hey dont sweat it, you are who you are and if your happy why should it bother anyone else!thanks

MrDobalina Tue 25-Sep-12 10:26:14

sturn returns

Natnat29 Tue 25-Sep-12 11:09:50

Good advice peeps smile thank u made me feel less sad- think its now everything's changing again I'm becoming more reflective I need to be careful this doesn't turn into obsessing with everything that's happened I need to look to the future.
What u really need to do also is to stop being so bitter- any advice?!
Half the time I don't realise how bitter I sound until the words have left my mouth but it's a quality that puts me off others so want stop myself sounding like that

Natnat29 Tue 25-Sep-12 11:11:38

Mrdobalina- very interesting- im 30 now but was 27 when I was diagnosed so what would have been the start of massive changes for me how spooky. Did you notice this in umyour life too?

MrDobalina Tue 25-Sep-12 11:18:08

YY OP I noticed this MASSIVELY...and lots of people i spoke to about it, did too

I am worried about the one that is supposed to occur at 54 yo confused smile although it is a long way off yet

I think there are lessons to be learnt

You cant go back to how you were before, but its good to be self-aware of the negative changes smile

NameChangeGalore Tue 25-Sep-12 11:19:34

Yes! I just went and checked my timeline because of those rumours and my status updates from 4 years ago are so happy and cheerful. Then gradually they become sparse and then obsolete. I never post on there now, apart from pics I share from Instagram. It actually coincides with a horrible time in my life; mc's and testing. I was constantly worrying and sad. Its definitely affected me for life. I don't like fb now, everyone seems to use it for showing off about new cars and holidays and houses. I'm not a fan of people bragging. It makes me cringe and feel sick.

MrDobalina Tue 25-Sep-12 11:21:29

you need to find some inner peace (man! grin)

be centred

i found myself talking too much...and saying things i didnt mean/ werent really appropriate. I was so self-absorbed by what was going on for me, which was a massive massive contrast to how I had been before

I wasnt really listening to other people. My head was really busy. It has taken years to work through really....but I feel much better now. Still different to before, but I like myself again smile

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