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AIBU in feeling quite pissed off about this?

(14 Posts)
dondon33 Mon 24-Sep-12 20:30:01

I'm living in a different country so wanted to do some part time work here. I have experience as a child minder in the UK so thought I'd register with a few agencies to work as a Nanny, babysitter.

So I'm contacted last week with an offer for a 5 year old girl, specifically stating it's only picking up from School and staying with her until Mum gets in from work, (obviously feeding the child too) and speaking to her in nothing but English language (mum want's her in an international School where English is the first language) helping with reading/writing - that kind of thing.

I went to their home for the interview where I found mum required a lot more from me than what was advertised. I would have to start at 5 am once weekly and on that day I wouldn't be "off duty" until around 10/11 pm. As I live very close to the family I decided that I could do it whoa bloody 5am We continued to make arrangements and it was agreed that the mum wanted me. I spent around 2 hours that day with them, getting to know them both. I did notice that the child would not listen to nor obey her mother but put it down to showing off, acting up because she had an audience, so ignored it thinking the longer I was there she'd grow bored. The mum also informed me that the child's GM had previously been helping out with the little one but, and I quote "refused" to do it any more due to not being able to cope.

On friday I went to the preschool to meet the teachers and provide my ID to them for when I pick up the little girl. Mum met me there and seemed genuinely pleased to have found someone for the job. We then went back to the family home where I spent a further 3 hours with them, I wanted the child to be comfortable with me after all I'm a stranger to her. Child's behaviour continued to spiral downhill, the longer I was there - she refused to communicate with me, completely disobeyed her DM, had a few screaming tantrums and foot stamping moments and at one point, in her native tongue, told me to get out and never come back because I told her (not even in a disciplinary way like I would have my own DC but calmly in a normal voice) it wasn't very nice to kick people (after she booted my leg shock) She was screaming at me that she didn't like me and didn't want me to be nanny.
At this point the mum shouted at her DD then broke down in tears herself confused and apologised to me. I told her not worry her DD would probably settle once we had a routine established and she got used to my presence. I actually felt sorry for the mum but felt confident enough to continue with it. So I left with the instructions that I officially start Monday (today)

Mum is a single parent and works full time in a demanding job, having to travel to weekly business meetings (hence the extra's she sprung on me) She is mega stressed and I don't know if she doesn't have the energy to discipline her DD or if she simply doesn't know how, maybe it's for an easy life.

Anyway, my point of the AIBU is this > I received a text from the mum this morning saying I'm so sorry Don-don but I must cancel our contract. No explanation or nothing ?? I find it hard to believe that the mum had a change of mind after she was so happy to have found some one and grateful that I'd accepted the extra hours, all arrangements were in place.

I have a feeling that over the weekend the child's attitude hadn't changed and she was still insisting she didn't want me as nanny and the mum has caved in.
If I were her I'd have given it a week, maybe two and if the child was still unco-operative then I'd reconsider.

Sorry it's so long but I felt I needed to give the full picture.

QuintessentialShadows Mon 24-Sep-12 20:34:04

To be honest, I think you got out of a potential horrible situation with a spoilt little madam quite easily!

But I do understand you are pissed off. Not so much perhaps that you "lost" the job before even starting, but because mum is making a rod for her own back with regards to her dd.

I think you could invoice her for the hours you spent with them?

HollaAtMeBaby Mon 24-Sep-12 20:34:18

Massively annoying, but I think you've had a lucky escape. God help that woman in 10 years' time!

Softlysoftly Mon 24-Sep-12 20:34:43

She is being unreasonable cancelling at such late notice and should probably owe you a months notice depending on the contract. Bit wussy doing it via text as well.

But if she's changed her mind then what can you do <<shrug>>

Icelollycraving Mon 24-Sep-12 20:40:35

I think you should bill her for the hours you've wasted,beyond that thank your lucky stars!

LineRunner Mon 24-Sep-12 20:47:13

God, what a lucky escape, dondon. But yeah, she owes you some money in my book.

dondon33 Mon 24-Sep-12 20:55:26

Thanks for the replies. I was kind of furious for such short notice and wasting my time but then on the other hand I thought I was being unreasonable as she doesn't want her DD to be upset iyswim.

She did actually offer to pay me for the hours spent there but I declined. It's not too much anyway (I still equate money with my "English brain" lol) it's OK pay for the country I'm in though, it just doesn't feel right for me. Also the mum had to pay the agency a hefty fee already for "providing" me = something else that reinforces my belief that mum definitely wanted me.

I actually thought about replying back "if you're going to let a 5 year old dictate to you now then god help you when she's 15" but didn't want to sound bitchy (which it would have ) and it's not my place, I'm sure her own DM must of said something to her after refusing to care for her GD as she couldn't cope.

Softly I thought it was shit too that she sent me a text, that's why I do believe it's been the child's decision and not hers, as she's too embarrassed to speak to me.

My DP said the same about a lucky escape too.

I've applied for a few more positions today, mostly babies, so hopefully I'll get something else soon.

LineRunner Mon 24-Sep-12 22:37:16

You've been so calm and collected - you are your own best advert!

dondon33 Tue 25-Sep-12 01:45:34

I've just tried to understand - still doesn't stop me feeling pissed off though.
I actually do feel quite sorry for the mother, she obviously doesn't imagine how much worse it will get as her DC gets older.
But like my DP says (I love this) It's her monkey, her circus smile

dondon33 Fri 28-Sep-12 21:51:18

Had a phone call today and I have an interview next week for another job. An 18 month old little boy smile I can't see him dictating to mummy smile so hope this one goes well.

CrapBag Fri 28-Sep-12 21:55:52

I would be inclined to phone her and ask her if it was something that you did that you can work on in the future as you wouldn't want to pess up potential jobs in the future.

I would be so hacked off. Thankfully it does sound like you have had a lucky escape but texting on the day was a really shitty way of doing it. Good luck to that mum finding a nanny that little precious 5 year old approves of!

sookiesookie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:04:33

Could it possibly that she has decided on no nanny and reduced her hours or come to some arrangement with work so she doesn't need a nanny.

Or lost her job?

Sounds like you had a lucky escape though.

honeytea Fri 28-Sep-12 22:06:43

Oh dear she sounds like a very spoilt child. I really think you deserve to be paid for the time you have been there even if it isn't much.

I am in a similar in terms of work, I live in a non UK country and I do babysitting/nannying for children. The discipline here is very very different to the Uk (in that they don't really discipline their kids in any way.) I tend to hate the meeting the family all together thing as the kids are so often very naughty, rightly so they want their mum and not some lady coming and talking to them in a strange language. What I tend to do is a really short (30 mins) meeting with them all, mostly chatting with thte mum about routines then I do a short time with just the kids, maybe 2 hours at a good time so they are not tired/hungry. In that time we do something really fun like baking or making playdough. When the parents come back the kids tend to be excited and happy to have had fun with me, I then say in 2/3 weeks we wil bake again won't that be fun! I wouldn't want to bribe my own children but with children with no rules in place I don't see much option. I allways make sure there is something fun on the line so I can say right now bath time, then we will do the new jigsaw I have with me today or we need to eat dinner nicely tonight because I have watermelon for pudding. One of the mums is so funny she says things to me like "how do you get them to sit down and eat their dinner at the table when I'm home they run around the house and I have to feed them as they run past!" the kids are 4 and 7 there is no reason for them to be running around the house.

Good luck with your job hunt! I hope you find something soon smile

dondon33 Sat 29-Sep-12 12:05:39

I honestly don't believe it was something I done- I was nothing but polite and friendly and spoke about what fun thing's we'd do when I picked her up from School, played with her etc... I don't feel there's much point to ask her what went wrong - seeing as she didn't have the common decency to call me and let me know rather than send an SMS on the day I was due to start.
I did ask the Agency who provided me to the family, if she'd told them why but my contact there said she hadn't bothered to even let them know.

No, she definitely hasn't reduced hours at work, She's put a new Ad on a different agency website but minus the "English speaking" part. It could of been that reason the child was unhappy but I'm not sure why as she had very good command of English already, also that was the point of her mum wanting me... she wants her DD in an English speaking school, so even that doesn't make much sense.
I completely understand sometimes DC are reluctant and un-cooperative when left with child minders and they want to be with mummy. Of course you have to listen to your own DC but at what point do you draw the line and remain in control of the situation as the parent.

As well as using a specialist agency this time, I've also popped an advert on a local site like Gumtree and I've had a few offers, including the one I've an interview with next week, so it's looking good so far.
On a lighter note....I'm not only receiving job offers from this site smile up to now I've had two offers of dates! DP is not amused me neither, it's a job site not a bloody dating one.

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