To be cross with this dog owner and to have told her she is a stupid cow(191 Posts)
To get home DS2 and I have to walk across a large playing field which is also the local dog walking spot.
DS2 has SN and is not confident around dogs (I wouldnt say he was afraid but he cowers when he sees them). Today dog passes us coming down the hill as we are going up, about 2 metres in front of his owner. Dog stops to give DS a sniff. It was only a small dog but DS was still hiding behind me. Dog owner tells him not to be silly, that the dog wont hurt him. I say that he doesnt like dogs. She gives me a face and picks up the dog to bring it nearer to DS, saying there is nothing to be afraid of. DS squeals in fright so I bend down to pick him up. She brings the dog higher, telling DS again there is nothing to be scared of, the dog is friendly. DS starts to cry.
I walked off quickly carrying DS and over my shoulder I said 'stupid cow'. I know I lost the moral high ground at that point but I was so cross and DS was so upset. Its taken a good half hour to calm him down.
Well she was being daft, but it does sound like she meant well.
I fully expected to say YANBU, but i this instance I think you are. The dog owner sounded like she was just trying to be friendly.
She sounds very rude and pushy...I am a dog owner and accept that not everyone wants them to come up and say hello...some people young and old are frightened of them. She should have respected your reaction YANBU
YANBU at all, she should have checked with you first - so sorry that your DS was upset
It might be worth thinking of some plans to socialise your DS with dogs though. Do you know anyone with a calm and friendly dog that your DS could potentially spend some time with and get to know at his own pace?
Why didn't you just say 'please don't do that' and removed ds, as you did later.
Calling her stupid cow was put of order.
Yabvu. You have no reason to call someone a rude name because they tried to interact nicely with your child. If you are there telling people he doesn't like dogs and then picking him up away from a small dog, you are giving him a reason to be afraid. If you treat dogs as things that aren't scary, then your ds is more likely to overcome his fear.
YANBU, what was she thinking?
How would anyone get over a fear by having it shoved in their face as they get increasingly distraught???
Insensitive woman aside, if you are spending time in areas where dogs are off lead, could you do more controlled introductions to help him not be as afraid?
We had dogs the whole time I was growing up and I hate them and am terrified if I see one without a lead or an owner! My mum thought that by buying a dog it would cure me - it didn't!
And I really hate dog owners who think everyone else should like their
revolting smelly pets.
Do you HAVE to walk through a dog walking park to get home?
That's ridiculous, if someone tried to do that with me with their 'friendly' spider me calling them a 'stupid cow' would be the last of their worries
YANBU at all.
And I am a massive lover of all things canine.
YANBU. What was she thinking?
Anybody who thinks the dog owner was being nice - how would you like your fear shoved in your face? Spiders?
Surely walking home through a known dog-area with a child that's scared of dogs doesn't exempt you completely from the "stupid cow" status yourself?
So you validated ds's fear by getting lairy, picking him up, and leaving?
And she is the silly cow.
Fwiw I have two sn kids, and it is really important to try and get rid of these pointless fears as early as possible.
You should have held ds firmly to reassure him, encouraged him to stand still and breathe calmly, and talked to and petted the dog yourself whilst making small talk with the owner about why ds is so timid.
Really, really, YABU.
And you are teaching ds nothing.
Do you HAVE to walk through a dog walking park to get home?
The only other way round is via the very busy main road. DS is a bolter and so we avoid that way because I worry about his safety.
We walk that way every day and we never had a problem before.
YANBU. Ds1 is afraid of dogs too, to the point at which he will try and climb up me if one comes near him. (He's 5 and tall so this doesnt work so well) If someone had done that to me I'd have probably reacted much the same.
And walk whatever way you like to get home. Theres a difference between your DS having to cope with dogs in the vicinity than having one shoved in his face.
YANBU to be annoyed at her pushiness, but I think you are maybe on the edge of U for walking through a popular dog walking spot with a child who is afraid of dogs and being surprised when an issue like this comes up.
Just saw your post about the alternative route so I retract my comment about you walking through the park.
I think you could have tried to talk to her about why this wasn't a good idea BEFORE walking off and calling her a stupid cow... That wasn't a lesson in how to deal with people. And you really would be doing your son a favour in trying to get him at least less scared of dogs.
YANBU to be cross. The SN are irrelevant really, some people just don't like dogs. She wouldn't do that to an adult who had declared their dislike of dogs, why did she think it was ok to do it to a child? I can't stand people trying to make decisions for other people like that, however "well-meaning". Bottom line is she just thought she knew better than you even thought she plainly didn't have all the facts. Reminds me of that thread about MILs giving DGC peanuts to "help them get over" allergies.
You probably should have said "Please go away and leave us alone" rather than insult her. But you know that.
She dismissed his fear after being explicitly informed of it and tried DIY aversion therapy by shoving the fear-object in his face. Becauser she thought she knew best.
She is stupid, and arrogant to boot.
If I was the dog owner when you said he didn't like dogs I would have cleared off sharpish. Not tried to stick the dog in your DS's face. I am sure the dog was lovely but your DS doesn't like them! It's like the owners have to prove how nice their dogs are when people don't want them near them.
The comment was unreasonable but I totally understand your frustration.
I have a cat. Dogs seem like hard work.
Since getting my own little dog I feel I have a whole new horrid world opened up to me!
I am sick of the way people treat thier dogs in this country - its beyond ridiculous.
As someone said on another dog thread - the accidents you see in a &E are rarely the chavs with pit bull types gone mad - USUALLY she said they are family dogs that " had been sooo friendly and had never been a problem" then one day - guess what - the dog snapped and did some damage!
I am sick of all sorts of dogs bounding up to me and DD and little dog -
If my dog looks like she is going near people i am onto it - and calling her back - why cant others do the same.
By the same token I am also very wary of perople letting toddlers go near my dog now, if the children are older and ask politily - I thank them and let them pet her...
the other day I had tied my dog up - watching my elderly DF stumble round ( his idea of walking) and watching DD in play park - looked round and literally 10 small children were all round my dog - some poking hands through rails, others very close to her - all reaching out.
i coldnt belive how utterly stupid all those parents were just wtching and laughing.
I said i am sure my dog would be fine - but who knows - she is a dog after all - they dont know my dogs temperant - and that 10 children all reaching out to grab her was a little much.
It's not a pointless fear, madwomanintheattic Dogs can, and do, cause injury. It's a perfectly valid response to be wary of them.
The kid doesn't like them. She tends to stand stock still if there is one coming the other way in the park. Often it will come and smell her and she will cower away (I tend to leave her unless she is upset when I'll pick her up - I think it will do her good in the end to get a bit used to them)
If she does get upset, or hide behind me or whatever, the owner nearly always seems surprised and says 'Its just being friendly' or something and insists it won't hurt them, like all the owners of dogs on the news that have attacked people say. It does annoy me, and you do get the odd one who insists that the kid would like to pat/stroke/tickle the dog she is clearly really uncomfortable with.
Dog owners seem to think everyone has to love their normally well-behaved wild animal on a lead. They're wrong. I'd much rather a park without them, their slobber, fur, irritating bark and waste of both varieties all over the place.
I'd have been just as annoyed as you. Nothing is more annoying that someone trying to socialise your dog for you when the poor thing is cringing with fear.
Let's hope the stupid cow got the message!
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