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AIBU that sister has just said this

(34 Posts)
ringodingo Mon 24-Sep-12 16:18:05

I,m hurt at the conversation have just had with my sister. She was talking about the new housing benefit cap and that it is right and can,t wait for it to come in. Then she said to me that I should move to another town and smaller house that I can afford so that I don,t have anymore housing benefit. I work part time as a single mum as child care is to expensive to work full time. So I am classed as low income. I pay part rent from my wages the rest is topped up in housing benefit.
I do not sit on my backside and not work taking full benefits. I,m shocked at her judgement of me and her opinion that everyone on benefits is a scrounger. Is it bu to think that her attitude stinks at her family member that is trying her best?

puds11 Mon 24-Sep-12 16:20:07

Tell her to eff off! I'm going to be in exactly the same situation in about one week.

lionheart Mon 24-Sep-12 16:21:00

YANBU. She is being thoughtless.

blueballoon79 Mon 24-Sep-12 16:21:42

She's an idiot. Ignore her!

fuckbadger Mon 24-Sep-12 16:22:23

Yanbu but I sadly don't think she is alone with her opinion! What people like her don't realise is that they are one illness, accident or redundancy away from being a "benefit scrounger" themselves!

usualsuspect3 Mon 24-Sep-12 16:23:41

Ignore her, or tell her to stop reading the Daily Mail.

blueballoon79 Mon 24-Sep-12 16:25:13

I totally agree with what fuckbadger says.
I often find that the people who are most likely to turn their nose up at those receving benefits are the ones who have had an easy life with no money worries and nothing ever going wrong for them.

I often have people treat me in a shabby way as a single Mum to two disabled children. Most often the people who are treating me badly are the ones with a rich husband, a huge house and healthy children.

Just ignore, ignore, ignore. Do your best for you and your child and forget what everyone else thinks.

ringodingo Mon 24-Sep-12 16:26:27

she knows how much I struggle with money and has seen first hand how hard things are. We only live in a two bed house me and dd why would I want to move to somewhere cheaper. Rather than not work I take any job going to pay the bills and show dd that you have to work in life. she has really wound me up to be honest.

anditwasallyellow Mon 24-Sep-12 16:27:12

Ignore, unfortunately when I come across people like this I can't help wishing for the day that they end up on some kind of benefit and realise how easy it can actually happen.

BruisedFanjo Mon 24-Sep-12 16:34:00

Yy to people not realising it could easily be them too. It's all about luck.

"you're right sis, I think I'll take that overtime on Friday night. What time is best for you to come over to watch DC?"

With a sweet smile smile

Usually when people realise that criticising means they have to help make the change in some way, they stop doing it!

ringodingo Mon 24-Sep-12 16:35:24

thats just it you are not suppose to turn your nose up at your sister,s situation. cannot believe she has had this judgement thought really.Walked away from the conversation as she no longer wanted to discuss it like she was patroninsing me because I said I don,t want to move. I honestly feel as though I,ve been punched in the guts as I thought we were close as sisters.

anditwasallyellow Mon 24-Sep-12 16:38:31

What is your sister situation. Tell her fine but you hope she'll be happy to live in a houseshare/bedsit if she ever loses her job, her health or her husband. Any of which can happen a lot easier than people think.

Wetthemogwai Mon 24-Sep-12 16:45:02

My brother has the exact same attitude, over opinionated and under informed. When he expresses opinion and judges I honesty could cry but you've just got to rise above and do what you can to prove her wrong

ringodingo Mon 24-Sep-12 16:54:36

Her situation is has just recently got married in a lavish ceremony to a very wealthy man. They own buisnesses and property,s and have just moved into a very expensive house. And fairplay as they have worked hard for what they have got and achieved. I don,t begruged them anything and why should I it,s not my buisiness to. I feel lately that she has been looking down her nose at me but I have been trying to blank it out. They will never be in a situation of being on benefits.

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Mon 24-Sep-12 16:57:59

Ask your sister how confident she is that she wouldn't end up raising a child alone.

I had a top up of housing benefits when I became a single parent because my wages didn't cover it. Childcare is way too expensive even for two incomes.

Private rent is not cheap either.

Tell your sister to stop reading the Daily Mail!

Badgerina Mon 24-Sep-12 17:00:05

Ignore! I've been in exactly your position OP, and I know how hard it is juggling it all and trying to make ends meet. You sound like you're doing a great job of being a good role model for your daughter. Your sister is NOT. She has been incredibly insensitive towards you, but don't let her small-minded opinions get you down smile

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Mon 24-Sep-12 17:01:05

So your sister has worked hard but is benefiting from her DH's wealth?

Doesn't sound like she is any better than you IMO.

Maybe point that little nugget out for her!

CherryBlossom27 Mon 24-Sep-12 17:01:06

What she probably doesn't realise is that housing benefit doesn't get paid to you, it gets paid to the greedy landlords. Common misconception though.

I think she probably hasn't thought about how you actually manage and just sees what she wants to on the surface. Personally as hard as it is I would just ignore her comment unless she brings it up again and then explain to her how it works.

thebeesnees79 Mon 24-Sep-12 17:05:39

If you had a five bed room house and it was just the two of you fair enough, but you have a two bedroom house and why should you up root. She is really unfair & I would be hurt too.
The fact that you are working to support your daughter is amazing and you deserve credit for it! So what if the government have to top up your housing. if you didn't have a job it would cost tons more.

thebeesnees79 Mon 24-Sep-12 17:06:54

p.s I forgot to add I have a lot of respect for lone parents that work, it must be daunting going it alone.

AmberLeaf Mon 24-Sep-12 17:07:01

I do not sit on my backside and not work taking full benefits. I,m shocked at her judgement of me and her opinion that everyone on benefits is a scrounger. Is it bu to think that her attitude stinks at her family member that is trying her best?

I am shocked at your opinion of me!

I don't work and I do take full benefits. I don't sit on my backside nor am I a 'scrounger'

Ok im not really shocked and TBH I don't care what someone I don't know thinks of me or people in my position.

My point is, she has her opinion based on her current position, you have yours based on yours

What she said maybe made you feel bad? or feel judged?

What you have implied could make me or someone in my position feel bad too.

I can see why it would be hurtful to you as it is your sister saying it, but she obviously just doesn't understand how it is to be in your position, same as some people don't understand what it is to be in mine

ringodingo Mon 24-Sep-12 17:08:48

she neither has any kids at the moment so don,t have a clue what it,s like feeding and clothing a child on my own. She has it really good and wants for nothing.
I think that able bodied adults should not be on the dole for years and should go out and work, my street is full of people like that. But I don,t go around knocking on their doors telling them so I keep my opinion to myself (apart from ranting on here). I think sister is maybe getting stuck up her own arse and i,m in for a bumpy ride.

blueballoon79 Mon 24-Sep-12 17:37:02

You're verging on sounding as opinionated and judgemental as your sister now. I'm an able bodied adult, but don't go out and work as I have 2 disabled children who rely on me to take care of them.

I'm starting to feel hurt and offended by some of the things you are writing now.

Dawndonna Mon 24-Sep-12 17:44:45

I look after my disabled husband and three disabled children. I'm an able bodied adult. We both had lecturing jobs.
Your attitude is the same as your sisters, so what's your problem.

aldiwhore Mon 24-Sep-12 17:46:57

It's easy to generalise I suppose so if you get on with her otherwise, don't fall out and take heart in that fact she knows nothing.

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