The situation is this (in short, or as short as I can make it!): I've recently split up with H (he doesn't want to break up) and the original plan was for him to stay in our marital home and for me to buy somewhere new within approx 10-15 min walk for ease of getting to nursery, schools in a few years, etc. The plan was to alternate the weeks each of us have baby DD (16 months), so we both have equal custody and she has 2 homes.
Up until now DD hasn't been in nursery (been looked after for past 6 months when I went back to work by both sets of grandparents who have all travelled from their homes hours away and stayed with us for a few days each week. Over the past 6 weeks she has also been looked after by a childminder).
The problems are:
- we live in a very expensive area of London where 2 bed flats are a minimum of £260k (very small, on edge of dodgy area) and I wouldn't be able to afford anywhere nice. The thought of DD growing up somewhere rubbish isn't a nice one
- For me to be able to afford anywhere, I will have to get a permanent job at least 4 days per week (my work for the past few years has been own business and freelance work) therefore DD will be in nursery 4 days per week, at least 10-11 hours per day.
We have a flat we can sell and can take equity out of our current home.
My family have suggested me moving back to them (NE England) for the following reasons:
- Decent home -could be mortgage free up there
- Family support and DD can be near grandparents and cousin
- I wouldn't need to work full-time (would only need to do 2 days per week if I remained freelance) so DD wouldn't have to be in nursery
- Better schools
- Better quality of life - clean air, near beach and countryside, less stress all round
I have proposed the idea to ex DH for us both to move (he would be able to buy somewhere out-right too, and wouldn't need to work so much) and he's completely opposed to it, saying his life is here. My family are saying he's selfish not to want a better life for DD.
He's saying I'm selfish for wanting to move away. My alternative plan is to move and bring DD back every week so she can have her week with him, and I would do one day per week of work in London. When she starts school, we'd have to reconsider things as would have to obviously live near each other.
AIBU to consider this move?