to expect not to have to tell the Nanny to change DS when he has a pooey nappy?

[Graciescotland]

We hired a nanny on the basis of a recommendation when we moved abroad. I work partly from home so I'm sometimes there at the same time. I popped downstairs when they came home from the park/ shops a few minutes after I heard them come back to find that buggy had been folded and put away, shopping (just milk and juice) had been put on the countertop, nanny had hung up her coat and taken off her shoes and DS (age 2) had been left in a dirty nappy.

Having a chat apparently she'd known he'd had a poo at the supermarket and rather than change him felt it was more appropriate to wait the twenty minutes until she got back and then faff around for a bit. I didn't get the impression it was the first time either. They had a change bag with nappies and wipes and there are a bunch of cafes/ eateries next to supermarket several with babychanges and there was cash in babybag to be used for drinks/ snacks whilst out and about so she had a choice of to change on a bench or in a bathroom. It just would of required a tiny bit of proactivity.

To me it's bordering on neglect. I just don't understand why anyone would leave an upset little boy to ferment in his own poo when the situation could be easily remedied but apparently "other parents don't want her to change children except at home" which seems like utter bollocks to me.

She's been with us less than a month and there have been other issues so I suspect I'm going to have to bite the bullet and let her go but AIBU.

[WorraLiberty]

She left it 20 minutes before she changed him?

It's hardly neglect is it?

[LonelyCloud]

YANBU to expect the nanny to change the dirty nappy as soon as reasonably possible. She should have used one of the baby change facilities nearby.

And as for "other parents don't want her to change children except at home" - what happens if she's taking children out to toddler groups / classes / the park etc and she's likely to be out for a couple of hours? Would the other parents really want her cut an activity session short and go home early, or leave a dirty nappy on for an hour or more if the child had a poo near the start of the activity session?

[Frakiosaurus]

YANBU but....

Nanny may not have felt confident changing out and about. I hate changing DS on those flimsy pull down changing table things because he like to try to base jump from them.

That said leaving him once at home plus other issues amounts to at least a warning.

[arthurfowlersallotment]

YANBU to let her go as she is in your employ and therefore you can set the rules and it's up to you whether she remains your nanny.

However what other issues are you talking about?

[atacareercrossroads]

Yabu, if I'm out and Ds shits I leave it if I'm not going to be much longer. Too muck pissing about in stinking baby change rooms.

20 mins is absolutely not neglect and you need to unclench if you think it is.

[cestlavielife]

you have to give her a warning i thnk - or did you agree one month trial/probation? is there a contract?
sit down and spell out all the issues one by one eg
change nappy if done poo even if out and about etc.
list all issues.
give her chance to rectify

[imperialstateknickers]

Sounds like a final straw, if you weren't already thinking of letting her go you wouldn't be talking to us would you? What are the other issues?

Do you think she will adapt to your ways or will she take umbrage if you instruct her to always change him as soon as possible.

[Proudnscary]

Oh come on!

I often left my two in dirty nappies for the duration of a shop or similar.

They are now eight and ten and have no shit-related post traumatic stress disorder.

[OhSoSimple]

YANBU to be annoyed at her. She is paid to a job and to do it the way you want it done. Changing a soiled nappy at the earliest opportunity is a priority.

It may be unpleasant to have to be in a stinky changing room for you atacareercrossroads but probably more unpleasant to be sitting in your own shit whilst someone gets their shopping.

I would be having a serious talk with her about your expectations.

[WorraLiberty]

My kids used to take 20 minutes to finish filling their nappies sometimes!

Every time I went to grab the Pampers, I'd notice that faraway look in their eyes accompanied by various grunting noises

[Fillybuster]

Its possible you're being a bit over-protective, but actually I tend towards the YANBU point of view.

I can't imagine my former nanny not changing one of the dcs on the spot, even without proper changing facilities, and I also know that if she had decided to come home for some reason, dealing with the nappy would have been the very first thing she did, even before taking off her coat or folding up the buggy.

If you were happy with everything else she was doing, you would probably just have raised this directly with her as a minor issue....if you have warning bells going off in general, then you should definitely tackle it head on.

[Fairylea]

Yabu.

I often leave nappy changes till I get home as long as ds isn't bothered and it's not too long. If he was upset I would do it.

[OhSoSimple]

But the OP has said her child was upset....

[Fillybuster]

I also want to add that I think there is a difference between a decision you might make as a parent (eg Proudnscary deciding her dcs can wait, it'll be ok) and the decisions you can make when you are being paid to be responsible for someone else's child. Shout me down if you will, but I think there is far less flexibility in the latter position....

[Offred]

YABU if ds not upset
YANBU if ds was upset... To want her to respond better to his needs

YABU to call it neglect

[Rubirosa]

It's one of those things that people have very differing views on, so I do think you need to tell the nanny what your view is.

I am definitely of the "change a dirty nappy immediately" school of thought, even if ds is asleep. I know other people who would think nothing of finishing the shopping/waiting til they got home/leaving it til the child wakes up.

It's a bit like TV or offering alternative meals - everyone does things differently, so if you want the nanny doing it your way, you need to tell her.

[lynniep]

Does she know you want pooey nappies changed immediately? She probably thinks its fine to leave him if its only a 20 minute wait till they get home. If you don't tell her, she won't realise - as illustrated by posts, plenty of folk think its ok to wait that long.

She needs to comply with your wishes, and that means immediate poo change - I understand as this is what I had to do (DS1 got terrible terrible rashes if left in poo for more than a few minutes - happened to DS2 once too at nursery although I suspect he was left much longer)

Its not neglect - thats really overreacting I'm afraid for just 20 minutes. So it depends what the other issues are as to whether YABU or not.

[WipsGlitter]

YABU. Its not neglect. Seriously, perspective please.

If there are a lot of other more serious issues then you might have to let her go, or as she's not been there that long its time to do a review and restate expectations.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YABU...if my DS had done a poo at the supermarket I would have waited till we got home........no way is it bordering on neglect, you are being a bit dramatic about that to be honest.

Look, we all know no one looks after our kids as well as we do but seriously, give the woman some credit....she was hardly gonna leave everything outside and fling herself in the house to change a nappy, seriously!!

[Katnisscupcake]

I think it's all down to the discomfort/distress of the child. My DD was never worried about being in a wet or dirty nappy and if I knew I wasn't going to be long, we would get home and change her as soon as we could. In fact, I rarely took nappies etc with me when I was only popping to the shops.

However a friend's DS would scream if he so much as did a wee in his nappy, she had to change it instantly, plus she didn't drive so she knew she would have to walk home with him if she didn't change him there and then.

But if the OP's DS was distressed, of course the Nanny should have changed him. So in that case, YANBU.

[Rubirosa]

Yes, even as an immediate nappy changer I would still hang my coat up and put milk away before tackling the nappy...

[complexnumber]

You don't say where you are abroad. I'm in the ME and the cafes with the changing facilities that are open to you aren't necessarily so open to your Filipina/Sri Lankan nanny. She's right about the changing on a bench too, I don't see that here and I guess if parents don't do it they don't want the nannies to do it either.

I guess you're not in the ME though as she wouldn't be needing a coat.

[choceyes]

It is not neglet so YABU.

But YANBU in expecting her to change the nappy as a matter of prority. I have 2 small DCs and never have left them in a dirty nappy, max 5min while I find a changing room. I wouldn't be impressed with a nanny who knowlingly left my LOs in a pooey nappy for that long.