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to have sent dd aged 9 to school in her new coat that she's now decided she doesn't like ??

(44 Posts)
Fairylea Mon 24-Sep-12 09:14:54

Hmm. Sitting here feeling bad.

We don't have much money at the moment and dd year 5 badly needed a new winter coat. The coat she was wearing was red thin quilted thing from matalan. It fits fine but it's not warm and has no hood. We walk to school.

We both found one she liked on eBay. It was next, new and not worn. It is black and like a duffle coat. Very smart. She liked it so I brought it for her for 15. Bargain.

Today she's decided she doesn't like it. It's too long apparently. No one else wears on like that etc. We had a bit of a row and she agreed to wear it. When we got round to the school I dropped her off and she had taken it off !! sad I told her it's cold today and she needs to wear it. So coat goes back on but very grumpy dd.

I don't know what to do. I looked at what the others arrive in and it's a big variety. Some the same as dd. Even her friends have different ones. She has lots of friends and isn't being bullied.

I could sell the coat on eBay but part of me thinks I won't get anything else as warm and also it's black smart and there's nothing wrong with it!!! I'm not asking her tp wear pink! ... ! Also she helped choose it!!

What would you all do? I feel mean sad

FutTheShuckUp Mon 24-Sep-12 09:16:36

Make her wear it- she chose it, cause and effect and all that jazz!

avivabeaver Mon 24-Sep-12 09:18:31

yanbu- its a coat for school, it fits the bill, she helped you choose it, its not out of keeping with what everyone else is wearing. Its not like you knitted it at home is it?

you never know, one of her pals might admire it at lunch and she will never mention it again.

Goonatic Mon 24-Sep-12 09:18:50

No you are not BU!!!!!!!!!! Can you get her some badges from Claire s accessories, or a material flower thing to pin on it, or change the buttons or something so she likes it again? Although I would say you are being generous to do that.
If she agreed at the time, how on earth are you supposed to know that she will change her mind. My year 5 DD is wearing last years coat because (despite a small tear) it fits, it is really warm and it has a hood.

I am very strict about things like that, I would make mine save up herself if she didn't like what she has previously chosen. <very mean mummy> smile

Chopstheduck Mon 24-Sep-12 09:20:57

So she has already worn it?

Ive got this problem with dt2, we bought both the boys some Fat Face gillets in the sale last year. He tried it on, liked it, wore it once they decided he didn't like it any more. I told him, since he had already worn it and tags had been cut it was too late now and he is stuck with it!

I don't have the money to waste buying clothes that won't get worn, and it is annoying when the item is nice too. It seems to be growing on him now and he is getting used to it, so no harm done and next time he will hopefully speak up sooner if he doesn;t like something.

bitofcheese Mon 24-Sep-12 09:21:42

my dd tried this one on too BUT i am the mother, not her, and i am not made of money either. call me old school as i don't do child centered parenting but i made her wear the coat. the coat was something she liked when i bought it, there is nothing wrong with it, just her having a change of mind, power thing. it would give off the wrong message if i were to jump everytime she wanted something her way. she is fine about it now. make her wear it and don't feel bad about it, she liked it at the beginning

Noqontrol Mon 24-Sep-12 09:24:31

Crikey, no. I'd make her wear it. People don't generally have the luxury of wearing something once and then disgarding it. She chose it, she wears it.

Fairylea Mon 24-Sep-12 09:24:40

Thank you. Feeling a bit better now. I just feel like maybe it's awful and she's going tp get teased but she chose the bloody thing and it's just a black wool smart coat. I dry cleaned it too... so I know it smells fine too!
She did this to me before with some Clark's school shoes that cost 35 (when we had money! ) ... she loved them in the shop and then wouldn't wear them for school!

Softlysoftly Mon 24-Sep-12 09:24:56

God I remember coat wars at school with my Dad. Make her wear it it won't leave her scarred for life.

Fairylea Mon 24-Sep-12 09:44:36

I remember coat wars too.. I still can't remember why it seemed like a deadly sin to even wear a coat.

halcyondays Mon 24-Sep-12 09:48:18

Well, she chose it, so she can't complain. I tend to ask repeatedly, are you sure, you can't change your mind when buying something like that?

I remember a really awful coat which I point blank refused to wear, but I hadn't chosen it, it was forced upon me and in the shop I said it was horrible and I would never wear it. Eventually I got a nicer coat.

BarbarianMum Mon 24-Sep-12 09:59:58

Has anyone teased her about it?

I only ask cause I once refused to wear a coat I had chosen because I was told 'it looks like a granny coat'. But I was a bullied child (at that time). My mum was, unsurprisingly given that I didn't explain incandescent. I was 11 too.

BarbarianMum Mon 24-Sep-12 10:01:07

blush just reread OP and your daughter's 9. Too much projection going on here apparently.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Mon 24-Sep-12 10:01:22

DD was a bit like that this morning too.
She has a black, quilted, puffy coat with hood that's about mid thigh length. It fits her well, is warm and waterproof and she has to walk home this afternoon - it's raining hard. I have made her wear it.

It's only a coat, she'll get over it.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Mon 24-Sep-12 10:02:16

Yanbu! It sounds fine...she sounds like she was having a crisis of confidence. But at 9 she shouldn't be worried about that! my DD is 8 and in year three and they all seem happy to wear any old piece of cloth!

madeupmummy2012 Mon 24-Sep-12 10:10:21

Its a coat that fits, it keeps her warm, it was cheap. I know its hard to make her wear something she doesnt like but you havent got the money to buy anything else. Maybe get her a new one for xmas or something?

freddiefrog Mon 24-Sep-12 10:15:12

YANBU!

I have this with my 11 year old.

We chose a new coat - 1st time she came to wear it, doesn't like it.
New trainers - wear them a few times, decide they're too big (despite being fitted and measured)
New jeans - they fall down so won't wear them and won't use the adjustable waistband either

I just don't argue anymore, wear them, don't wear them, I'm not buying anything else

Fairylea Mon 24-Sep-12 10:26:16

Difficult isn't it. I feel better hearing your views. Thank you.

This is the first day she has worn it to school. So no one has even seen it yet!

Molehillmountain Mon 24-Sep-12 10:29:42

Goodness, we don't have the cash for coats or shoes to be discarded if they go off them. And dd1 knows that if we buy school shoes, like only comes into it when we've found two pairs that fit. I wouldn't deliberately buy ones she didn't like but I don't see why others in the family should go without. I am consistent-I can't have new coats and shoes just because I go off them either. Could you offer her the option of a new coat for Christmas if she really doesn't get on with this one?

mysteryfairy Mon 24-Sep-12 10:30:39

Is it like a duffle coat as in made of wool? If so it will be hideous to wear in the rain as itll just soak up water. I also think black is not a safe colour coat for a child to be wearing to walk to school once it starts to get darker in mornings/evenings.

So if it was me I would resell the coat on eBay (accepting that a loss is likely to be made) and look for something more appropriate or keep it for smarter occasions and buy another waterproof coat for school.

Fairylea Mon 24-Sep-12 10:33:06

It is partially wool. But I think it will be ok considering they don't let them outside to play if it's raining heavily anyway.

She doesn't walk to school alone. She walks with me. She doesn't go out alone. So black is fine.

But thanks for the comments.

Fairylea Mon 24-Sep-12 10:34:35

Thanks for the comments.

New coat for Christmas is a good idea... although hopefully she will be fine with it by then !!

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 24-Sep-12 10:45:13

My dad would take me to one shop (usually an adult shop where everything was too big) and pick up the first coat or whatever and expect me to like it. He never had the patience to go to more then one shop so i often ended up with trousers several sizes too big.

We had no money so apart from the occasionally ill fitting bit of clothing that i had choice over i only had the option of borrowing my mums clothes, which isn't great for a child who weighed several stone less. I used to wear her leggings as jogging bottoms.

So i sympathise with your daughter feeling self conscious at school. Still though, the coat sounds fine. Sounds like she's feeling insecure about sticking out. Horrible feeling.

crazygracieuk Mon 24-Sep-12 10:53:00

9 year olds are fickle (J have a 9 year old too)

Hang in there- she will get cold and will inevitably have to wear it. It sounds like you picked a warm, classic style of school coat so don't sell it or pander to her.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 24-Sep-12 10:55:02

Dd1 has just done this to me. She cried and begged and bribed and cried some more and accused me of ruining her dreams of becoming a future Olympian because I would not buy her Leli Kelly trainers after she refused to wear the last pair of Leli Kelly shoes she begged for.

Eventually I gave in blush hmm [sillyme]. We scoured the internet for days. We looked at every single pair of trainers Leli Kelly made. We looked at every colour under the rainbow. She chose a pink pair, fairly plain and very different to her last pair.

They arrived. She was pleased. And then this happened

Me: Do they fit?
dd1: Yes
Me: Are you sure?
dd1: Yes
Me: We can swap them for a different pair if they don't feel right
dd1: They fit lovely
Me: Walk around the house in them to make sure, we can't send them back once they've been worn outside
dd1: <wanders around for 15 minutes> They are very comfortable. I love them
Me: You are definitely sure they fit and you like them?
dd1: <getting annoyed now> YES. I LOVE THEM. I will wear them every day I promise
Me: Okay, you can go outside in them now.

Five minutes after going to the park

dd1: Mam, I've just come to change my shoes. These are too tight. I don't like them
me: angry

She will wear them every day. I will make sure she does. I don't care if her feet fall off because of them. She will wear them. Even if I have to superglue them to her feet. They will be worn.

YANBU at all OP.

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