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Is this unfair of me?

(183 Posts)
rhondajean Sun 23-Sep-12 13:25:34

I told dd1 she could arrange to have a friend over or do something this afternoon(shes 12) but when she phoned yesterday everyone was busy.

W need food shopping today. DH is working and she helps me pack/load/unload the car when he is. As she wasn't busy, I've had a slow start to the day and am about to get lunch then get ready to go out for it with her and dd2 who was 8 last week.

Her friends just called on her way home and wants her to go out in half an hour. I said no, sorry, unfortunately what we have now arranged to do doesn't fit in with her friends changed plans.

She is furious. I've had the whole lot - she is caged in and never has anything to do, etc, etc, dd2 can help carry the shopping (she does but she's 8!) blah blah blah.

I'm wondering if I'm wrong saying she can't go - she knew we had to go shopping and wasn't in a rush until the phone call. I pointed out to her she eats more than as much as the rest of us so it's not unfair to ask her to help get the food. She's said she just won't eat this week then! Am tempted to take her up - think of the saving grin

I would have gone this morning if she had told me she had plans...am I now being unfair?

usualsuspect3 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:27:14

I would let her go out with her friend, but I'm a softie TBH.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 23-Sep-12 13:28:27

I'd let her go with her mates TBH.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Sun 23-Sep-12 13:28:41

Yes, you don't really need her.Do you?

rhondajean Sun 23-Sep-12 13:33:08

I kinda do need her, we buy enough groceries to sink a battleship and it's a two person job, dd2 does help but she's not big enough (dd1 is my height).

To be honest, until she went off on one I'd have gone shopping and dropped her off after we put it away, but now I'm really not for her going anywhere. I think she needs to get things into perspective and also to realise that essential activities don't get dropped because someone else suddenly finds free time they didn't realise they had! (meanie not softie grin)

Groovee Sun 23-Sep-12 13:34:20

I'd let my dd go out. She does a lot to help as I am disabled but she's a child and deserves to be one.

If you were going to see family or something but shopping, she doesn't need to be there.

5inthebed Sun 23-Sep-12 13:34:48

I think you're being a bit mean and should have let her go.

usualsuspect3 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:35:04

Let her go and have fun with her mates you big meanie grin

aldiwhore Sun 23-Sep-12 13:35:46

Buy less. Go earlier. Shop online.

Let her have a weekend.

You are a meanie smile and I'd have gone off on one too. I HATE shopping on a Sunday, I do it in bits on the way home from work. Its a one person job then.

SoupDragon Sun 23-Sep-12 13:36:04

I would have let her go.

SoupDragon Sun 23-Sep-12 13:36:48

You don't need her to come shopping with you.

Somuchforhope Sun 23-Sep-12 13:36:57

You only need her to help you get the food from the car into the house. The shop can help you unload, pack and get the food to the car unless you are going to a very cheep supermarket

So yes, unfair

rhondajean Sun 23-Sep-12 13:37:04

You aren't persuading me you know grin

You know what will happen, I'll let her go, she will come rolling in at tea time, starving, moan there is nothing she likes in the bulging cupboards, and start all over again about how deprived she is...

Numberlock Sun 23-Sep-12 13:37:27

Let her go. Or quick shop and drop her at her friends in an hour.

Is there a reason why you need physical help with the shopping, though, sorry if I've missed that.

PandaNot Sun 23-Sep-12 13:37:33

Why don't you do your shopping online if it is such a big job? Obviously won't help today though.

Tee2072 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:38:21

I would let her go. She's a child. I'm not saying she shouldn't help around the house or with the shopping, but if you can't do it without her, buy less.

Or order online and let the strapping bloke who drops it off haul it into the kitchen.

NeedaWee Sun 23-Sep-12 13:38:37

i cant imagine one person not being able to manage a weeks worth of groceries without help from a kid, its not even as if you are walking them home

Tabliope Sun 23-Sep-12 13:40:05

I also think you should let her go. I just don't see the big deal. Apart from stuff for the freezer if really, really necessary and you and dd2 can't put the rest of the food away the rest could wait before being put away anyway. It just sounds like you said something and don't want to back down. We've all done that but now I try not to enforce stupid rules which have the chance of turning into stalemate situations.

SavoyCabbage Sun 23-Sep-12 13:41:42

I'm with Needa. I just can't imagine how you can have so much shopping you need another person!

THETrills Sun 23-Sep-12 13:42:30

"I need you to come and help with the shopping" is a bad reason, because you don't really need her, you'd just rather she was there.

"Because you have behaved badly" would have been a good reason, but she hadn't ranted and raved at the time when you said no.

rhondajean Sun 23-Sep-12 13:43:20

I hate online shopping, 90 percent of what I buy is fresh fruit/veg/meat and I like to pick the latest dates and freshest produce. I suppose it would be fine for a tins and packets shops once a month.

She has rather foolishly already been given her money for helping with this you know because we were out for the day on Friday with my friend and her friend and she's spent the lot...

I do feel bad but despite you all appealing to my better nature she's not going anywhere right now because of how she spoke to me. I'll do the drop her after the shop thing if she behaves.

I fecking hate parenting teenagers - the next thing will be "can I have a tenner" you know...

nbee84 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:43:26

It's nice to have the help and it's good that she does her bit - but surely you can manage to do it by yourself (and with your youngest) today. You have a car - it's not like you need help lugging it all home on the bus.

rhondajean Sun 23-Sep-12 13:44:27

I'm sorry, but I think no you have arranged to do something else is a perfectly food reason to say no!

nbee84 Sun 23-Sep-12 13:44:58

Nobody has agreed that she should stay home!

rhondajean Sun 23-Sep-12 13:45:01

(food - good that's freudian slip)

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