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to tell my 6 year old DD she's getting fat?

(176 Posts)
HerRoyalVagisty Sun 23-Sep-12 08:34:08

...that's it really. She eats all the time, raiding the fridge at every opportunity. She's just had cereal and toast, then helped herself to yogurt and I've just found her in the cupboard helping herself to biscuits. She is always asking for food. She's in the cupboard whenever my back is turned, or the fridge. She asks for food all day long.

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.

She could happily snack all day.

She has always been the right weight for her height but I've noticed she's gaining weight and I need to change her eating habits before it gets out of hand.

I've just been explaining why she can't have anything else to eat just now, and that we have to cut back on treats and eat more healthy foods. She protested and then I said "your teeth will go bad and look! Your tummy is getting fat!"

Have I sown the seeds of a future eating disorder or was what I said relatively harmless?

LydiasMiletus Sun 23-Sep-12 08:37:14

Yabvu to say that.
By all means change her eating habits but it should be based around health not weight.
My my used to say things like this. My weight has been all over the place. Its only now, at 30, my weight is healthy because I am healthy.
If you keep with these comments you could indeed find your dd with an eating disorder.

LydiasMiletus Sun 23-Sep-12 08:37:39

My mum not my my.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sun 23-Sep-12 08:39:56

YABVU, she's 6 fgs.

SoldeInvierno Sun 23-Sep-12 08:40:26

YABU. Stop buying the stuff that she shouldn't be eating, or keep it where she can't reach and explain we only have it as treats. 2 biscuits per day (or whatever your criteria). Put the fruit bowl at her height and explain that she can help herself to any fruit she want. But, please, don't mention fat. Girls have enough of that mentioned in the media these days!

horsebiscuit Sun 23-Sep-12 08:42:06

Please don't use the word fat. My mother used to call me fat/ greedy etc it took me a long time to get over it.
Better instead to stop having biscuits etc in the house, so her only choice is healthy snacks.

CSIJanner Sun 23-Sep-12 08:43:13

Yes. YABVU! Phrase it differently, and if you have a problem with what she is eating, stop buying crap. You're the adult - lead by example.

DNep was told this by DS & DBIL. He now has eating hang ups and DNeice has now got the beginnings of fussiness and refusal of meals due to fat content. Please don't go there...

AmazingBouncingFerret Sun 23-Sep-12 08:43:54

You told your 6 year old her tummy was fat?? Seriously?

Stop buying the shit you're filling your cupboards and fridge with and sort it out. Potentially giving her a life long complex is not the way to go.

frankie4 Sun 23-Sep-12 08:43:57

YABU

As your dd is only 6 it is your responsibility to control her eating, not hers. It you tell her she is fat she could take it to the extreme and start denying herself food to make a point.

Best way is to not allow her to take food without asking. Put all the snacks on the top shelf of the cupboard where she can't reach. And if she eats a massive breakfast then maybe give her a smaller lunch, always with some fruit or veg. My dc 8 has a huge breakfast, sometimes 4 slices of toast, as he is starving in the morning. But he will snack on carrots, fruit, rice cakes , as well as biscuits. He is very thin btw. So this may just be a puppy fat phase your dd is going through.

AlmostAGoldHipster Sun 23-Sep-12 08:44:05

I can't believe you don't know that you've just said something horrendously damaging to your child!

Why not fill her up with healthy, low-GI food so that her sugar cravings are curbed? Give her porridge or eggs and bacon for breakfast and don't buy bloody biscuits if you're going to make her feel shit for eating them!!!

phantomgirl Sun 23-Sep-12 08:44:12

What Solde said. If you don't want her to eat it, don't buy it. How bad do you think you'll make her feel saying you can't have them but them eating them yourself?
Also my mum said similar things to me - started me with various self esteem and "not good enough" issues that I still have.

SpottyTeacakes Sun 23-Sep-12 08:44:25

YUBVVU she's six, she needs guidance not you telling her she's fat! You said she refused fruit, what did she have instead? There's nothing wrong with eating lots as long as its the right stuff. If she knows there's biscuits in the cupboard she will want them. Why not have a box of healthy things she can help herself to?

Shakirasma Sun 23-Sep-12 08:45:08

YABU, for reasons that you clearly understand.

You are responsible for what she eats and when. My kids have to ask for something to eat and they would be disciplined for taking without asking. I never say no without reason and they know this. But they should ask because, for example, dinner may be nearly ready etc.

However, my youngest DC has autism and cannot grasp this concept. He would eat all day long so we put the fridge and the biscuits, crisps etc in the utility room and fitted a combination lock on the door.

So, in our house, a combination of rules and putting unhealthy food out of reach allows us to control the kids intake.

HecateHarshPants Sun 23-Sep-12 08:45:22

Yes. You were VERY unreasonable indeed.

She's six. Sorry to be blunt but her weight is your fault more than hers.

Don't buy the fatty snacks. The only access she has to food is through you. Only have healthy food in the house and she can't snack on rubbish.

Get her out of the habit of dipping into the cupboards by making sure there's nothing there.

I never have a stock of goodies in the house. Doesn't cause any harm whatsoever to not have a supply of biscuits on tap.

She's probably about to have a growth spurt and that's why you can't fill her, but bin the crappy snacks and keep healthy things to grab - eg carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes, sweetpeas, etc. She's then got the choice of snacking on those or having nothing, and you don't have her raiding the cupboards all the time.

But for god's sake dont' start telling a young girl that she's fat. You can manage their weight without them ever knowing a thing about it.

Bonsoir Sun 23-Sep-12 08:45:55

Why are you letting her snack at all?

vigglewiggle Sun 23-Sep-12 08:46:14

My six year old doesn't help herself to anything. It sounds like you need to get better control of things, not using terms that will knock her confidence. Change the rules, don't let her help herself- she is only 6 and is clearly not capable of making healthy choices so you need to do it for her.

MarshaBrady Sun 23-Sep-12 08:46:37

Manage her eating. Don't buy the biscuits. Help her but don't tell her she's fat.

CailinDana Sun 23-Sep-12 08:46:58

It fucks me off royally when parents buy loads of sweets and biscuits and then complain that their children eat them. She's 6. She has no money, so if you didn't buy all the shit there would be no way she could get at it.

Telling your child she is fat is abusive, because in our society "fat" is an insult. Would you also tell her she is stupid?

Icelollycraving Sun 23-Sep-12 08:47:33

Yabvvu to call her fat. Don't buy as many snacks,you must have let her graze before. Either get some healthy snacks or could you perhaps give her a more substantial breakfast. Porridge with banana will fill her up for longer,most cereals are fresh air & sugar. Still have the odd biscuit or cake,a 6 year old does not need to diet IMO.

LydiasMiletus Sun 23-Sep-12 08:47:45

Why did you give her toast and feral for breakfast if you are concerned. You need to take responsibility for this rather being mean to a 6 year old.

midori1999 Sun 23-Sep-12 08:47:56

YABVVU. There's no way you should ever call a child fat and yes, it can lead to eating disorders later on. I have a friend with a 7 year old who will eat little except fruit and veg as she 'doesn't want to get fat' sadpresumably after listening to her Mum dieting and saying she (the Mum) was fat and my step daughter ended up making herself sick after her Mum had made some comments about her tummy. (There was nothing 'wrong' with her)

At age 6, you are completely in control of what she eats and what exercise she does, you can create good habits without having to say anything really. Just don't buy biscuits and sweets if you can't control her eating, so she has to make good choices if she's hungry because that is all that is there and arrange walks/active days out etc so she gets plenty of exercise. You don't need to say anything, let alone tell her she has a fat tummy. sad

GingerPCatt Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:00

It could be she's stocking up for a growth spurt. My mum used to say that she could always tell I was due a growth spurt since I'd eat loads, get a bit podgey, and then suddenly grow a few inches.
Unfortunately I'm not 35 and waiting for that last spurt to work off my podge. I should be 8ft tall soon. grin

StrawberrytallCAKE Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:16

Yabu, don't buy rubbish and she won't eat it. If she needs to snack more get healthy things like nuts and dried fruit, rice cakes, dr karg bars. Try to get her more involved in cooking healthy meals with you and she will be more interested in what goes into her food.

My dh has had a constant battle with his weight and food because his mum used to buy all sorts of junk food and feed him up at every opportunity and then tell him he was overweight.

Are you getting out and doing enough exercise and walks together? Six is very young, I was outside making mud pies all day at that age.

CakeBump Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:32

You buy junk, let her gorge on it and then call her fat?

How pleasant and helpful not

juneau Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:38

How about you don't buy biscuits and sweet treats if you don't want her to eat them? YABVU to tell her she's getting fat. She's only 6 and yes, you will sow the seeds of an unhealthy attitude to food. Please focus on health, make sure she's getting plenty of exercise and look at what you and the whole family are eating and doing for exercise. If, for instance, the rest of the family eat biscuits, chocolate, crisps, you have to expect that she will want these foods too. Do you go for family walks? Take your DD swimming or to football or some other healthy activity? If your DC are doing something you don't like, look to the example you're setting.

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