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Just found out my 11 YO is texting with a person she met on a dating website

(615 Posts)
AgentZigzag Sat 22-Sep-12 23:04:33

I want to start out by saying I take full responsibility for not checking her phone and seeing this earlier, I thought we had a sensible and responsible daughter and I've allowed myself to be misled by that thought.

She left her hotmail account open on my computer about a two hours ago, and I had a nose through her in and out box and found a change of password email from this teenage dating website. (it's always been made very clear to her that I could and would look through her electronic communications and history, although this was said a while ago)

I went to the site and found she had a fucking profile on there! And messages to and from other 'people'.

But there's one specific profile who she's contacted more, he's given her his phone number, and I presume she's given him hers, because we've just looked on her phone and they've been fucking texting each other!

In her email account she's sent him photos, of some drawings etc, but things that are obviously from a child.

He's sent her a photo of himself (which she thought she'd deleted, but I managed to get it back).

On the texts, and there are a fuck of a lot of them -

-She's told him she's 13

-Lots of talking about wanking and masturbating (even after she's told him she's 13) - which she asked me about yesterday because she didn't know what it meant, and you can see from the texts she's got no idea WTF he's talking about.

-She's tried ringing him tonight shock she's text up to 10 to 1 at night, and from 7 in the morning.

-She's been texting him all day today - when we've been there with her!

-He's actually messaging her NOW!

I'm holding DH back from texting him to say something, because I need some advice. DH is talking about the police (if there are any of the MN bobbies I know use MN, is this that serious do you think? Is it exaggerating thinking this is a 'man' grooming what he knows to be an underage child?)

I really do feel ashamed we haven't protected her from this. We're so aware of shit like this, we honestly are, and when they're 9/10/11 YO everything seems so open and you've told them the rules and think they understand.

We got the phone for her on a contract two weeks ago because her old one broke in the summer holidays and we wanted her to be able have an OK one for secondary school (which she's just started doing the 35 minute walk to and from every day).

I'm angry for letting myself trust her and her breaking it, and for not checking her phone sooner. I don't know where to go from here. Obviously she's not got the phone and I'm looking through her email accounts (she's got two, but I can't get into one).

And what should we do about this 'bloke/man/teenager' who's texting her stuff now? Ignore him, block him?

FFS, I'm just reeling, please tell us what you think.

AgentZigzag Sat 22-Sep-12 23:06:26

Sorry if that's a bit long and doesn't altogether make sense.

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Sep-12 23:08:01

Azz I'm so sorry to read this but please don't feel ashamed.

Kids will nearly always throw us a curve ball and a thread like this is a wake up call for all of us imo.

How old is the person she's texting? Do you know?

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sat 22-Sep-12 23:08:10

Do you know how old the person texting her is? I couldn't make out.

I think age has got a lot to do with it in terms of getting the police involved etc.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 22-Sep-12 23:08:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovebunny Sat 22-Sep-12 23:08:37

i thought this would be a wind-up. i'm sorry this has happened. do contact the police. give them the phone. they can reel him in.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 22-Sep-12 23:08:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dawndonna Sat 22-Sep-12 23:09:18

Police. Sorry, no choice. We found out the 13 girl from Leicester was a 45 year old male dentist. Kid you not.

Leave the guilt until after you've sorted things. Oh, and now is the time to be graphic with her about what could happen. She will cry and be scared. Good!

RaisinDEtre Sat 22-Sep-12 23:09:41

Don't have a huge panic just yet

Hopefully someone will be along v soon to talk you through stuff

pinkteddy Sat 22-Sep-12 23:10:00

Oh god you poor thing. No advice about police but didn't want your post to go unanswered. There's a government website about this sort of thing - I will see if I can find it and post links. I wonder if you should tell her school? How did she find out about dating website?

lisad123 Sat 22-Sep-12 23:10:20

I would def call the police in on this, they have all sorts of tech stuff to track these people. Do not speak to her until police have advised as they may need a few days to gather stuff and she may alert him.
They are still so trusting at this age, it's not your fault, they still think everyone is who they say they are, and can't see bad in the world.

RaisinDEtre Sat 22-Sep-12 23:10:34

massive x posts
You are in capable hands

I would keep the phone and speak to the non emergency police tomorrow.

Unless he is 13/14 too (very unlikely) he is a nasty perv and yes, IMHO is grooming.

£10 PAYG from tesco for a good while. Bloody hell, it must give you the shivers.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 22-Sep-12 23:11:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldidi Sat 22-Sep-12 23:12:31

I would be calling the police I think. They should be able to trace him (not sure how easy that would be) and see if it really is a dodgy man or a teen who thought she was another teen.

And yes, speak to her about it and explain exactly why you are worried about her. She may well think you are over-reacting unless you spell it out that she may have been in danger from this man.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sat 22-Sep-12 23:12:37

'Unless he is 13/14 too (very unlikely)'

Why is it very unlikely? Genuine question.

AgentZigzag Sat 22-Sep-12 23:13:00

Oh FFS, DH is reading the texts now, and he thinks the person knows she's only 11.

It's from texts saying something like I fancied you when I thought you were 13, and I'm not that bothered you're 11.

From the way he texts DH reckons he's school age, and his photo looks young emo-ish.

akaemmafrost Sat 22-Sep-12 23:13:40

Well you've found out NOW that's what's important. I would call the police too.

pinkteddy Sat 22-Sep-12 23:14:51 this was the website I was thinking of. There's a link to make a report.

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt Sat 22-Sep-12 23:15:06

Oh god I am sorry. What an utter nightmare.

I agree call the police for some guidance. Oh bugger I am not very useful but you have my sympathies. What a shock, and thank god you now know.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sat 22-Sep-12 23:15:36

If he's young as well then I really wouldn't call the police.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 22-Sep-12 23:16:58

Yes don't assume the pic is actually of who she is talking to.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 22-Sep-12 23:17:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sceptical me is saying it could be a fake photo and pervs are skilled in appearing younger.

Definately police.

AgentZigzag Sat 22-Sep-12 23:18:12

One of the texts says he's going to add her to his contacts on this dating site, which suggests their first contact wasn't from there doesn't it?

It's an android phone and the first one she's had the internet on, I thought she was just having fun downloading apps and stuff on it, DH is looking at what she's googled, and it's looking for WTF this bloke is talking about - like wanking/masturbating (which is fair game to want to know at 11) but also naked men, and then flowers sad

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