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..to want to punch the next person who says "what WILL you do with yourself..."

(44 Posts)
loverofwine Sat 22-Sep-12 20:26:56

To explain. I have four DS. It's been a pretty intense 7 1/2 yrs. Twins, another 19 months later then just as we thought things were getting better I was made redundant and three weeks later discovered that the doctor wasn't the best at inserting coils so now I have a 3yr old too.

They are all great and I wouldn't want to give any back but with all of this plus having PND 3 yrs out of last 7 1/2 I am really, really happy that the youngest now goes to nursery 3 hrs day/5 days a week.

The x2 hours a day I get in the morning is great but it's not exactly a walk in the park. Food still needs cooking, clothes washed etc. And yet everyone thinks it is OK to tell me that I must now be living the life of Riley with ALL this free time.

feeling a bit sorry for myself because this 'me' time ain't living up to the promises

AIBU?

StellarforStar Sat 22-Sep-12 20:28:28

YANBU.

Not at all.

sweetkitty Sat 22-Sep-12 20:28:50

YANBU I am already getting this and no4 won't go to nursery until next year.

It's only 2 hours a day I'll be child free hardly loads of free time.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Sat 22-Sep-12 20:29:17

YANBU. 'Free time' = housework, unless you are very well off and have other people to do it for you.

cutegorilla Sat 22-Sep-12 20:30:04

Yabu to want to punch someone of course but yanbu to feel frustrated.

YouMayLogOut Sat 22-Sep-12 20:36:33

YANBU

Violetroses Sat 22-Sep-12 20:39:15

YANBU!

loverofwine Sat 22-Sep-12 20:41:52

YAY

Thank you mummysnet ladies

<gets boxing gloves, head thingumy and singlet on and goes for the kill>

Violence IS wrong but boy does thinking about it feel GOOOOOD

purplehouse Sat 22-Sep-12 20:42:43

Yanbu, just ignore them. That amount of "free" (!!) time is absolutely nothing when you have kids.

janey68 Sat 22-Sep-12 20:44:12

YANBU, 4 kids, being at home and having all the housework, clearing up etc plus a dose of pnd is no picnic.

I doubt people mean to be unkind though- they are probably just making conversation and thinking that even 2 hours a day with the kids in nursery is a bit better than when you had no child free time at all

mamij Sat 22-Sep-12 20:46:09

YANBU. Ignore them if you can. Or don your boxing gloves.

Friends without children call me 'lady of leisure' as I'm a SAHM with two DDs. Ha!
If you gave me a pound any time someone said that to me!

loverofwine Sat 22-Sep-12 20:48:03

My stock answer to 'you won't know what to do with yourself' is a very vehement 'OH yes I do'

I am sure there is no unkindness. I think it just goes with the territory of having x4 kids and all of them boys. People think we are weird. And sex maniacs. Neither of those is true.

ESP the sex maniac bit - hence need to relieve frustration in virtual boxercise type activities

MammaTJisWearingGold Sat 22-Sep-12 20:48:56

YANBU!! I get people telling me I must have a lot of free time. I spend 37 1/2 hours a week at work and do one day a week at college too. OK, I work nights, but I do work!!

My DP has to drive me to work, because I do not drive. He has to take me there by 7.30 even though I do not start work till 9 because I need him to them go home and put the DC to bed at a reasonable time.

I do all the school runs, get little sleep, and people still say 'What do you do with yourself all day?'

I get Fridays, just Fridays off, when I don't need to sleep, don't go to college, don't have the DC. I spend Fridays doing course work, so fuck off as far as you can fuck off and then fuck off some more with the 'What do you do with yourself?' crap!!

MammaTJisWearingGold Sat 22-Sep-12 20:49:35

I have three DC btw!

mumof4sons Sat 22-Sep-12 20:50:09

I have been exactly where you are now, so can speak from experience. Use your time wisely - use it for you. 'You deserve it!'

It doesn't matter that food isn't cook, dishes not washed and laundry not done. When my youngest was at playgroup I always took the time to do things for me - the gym, getting a haircut, coffee with a friend, etc.

Remember there are plenty more hours in the days, days in the week to get things done.

Treat yourself to some me time.

mumof4sons Sat 22-Sep-12 20:51:59

Oh, and I meant to say:

'DO NOT FEEL QUILTY ABOUT IT! YOU ARE A FANTASTIC MOTHER!'

TunipTheVegemal Sat 22-Sep-12 20:53:12

The only possible answer is 'I lounge on a chaise longue and eat chocolates'. So much better than the ugly truth.

scottishmummy Sat 22-Sep-12 20:55:20

enjoy your limited time
let the laundry pile up from time to time
perfect the face,smile sweetly whilst thinking bog off

DrCoconut Sat 22-Sep-12 20:56:57

I remember being sad about going back to work after DS2 and someone said "well at least it'll get you out of the house won't it!" I had no problem "getting out of the house", we had a lovely little routine each week while I was on leave and I was never more happy or settled. It's a pity the mortgage and other such realities had to step in and ruin it!

FancyPuffin Sat 22-Sep-12 21:00:56

My stock answer to 'you won't know what to do with yourself' is 'sleep,eat and maybe build a little fort'

loverofwine Sat 22-Sep-12 21:01:23

YAY Mamma TJis

I am too polite and MC to say FUCK OFF to their faces but they can see it in my eyes

I work for my husband too sometimes but when I mention this I feel that I am somehow trying to mitigate my largely SAHM status and feel guilty. Pathetic isn't it.

Why can't we just celebrate what we are doing??

loverofwine Sat 22-Sep-12 21:02:39

Fancy Puffin I like your idea

<puts wine glass down and goes outside in dark to build a little fort>

TheBonkeyMollocks Sat 22-Sep-12 21:03:57

Yanbu!!!

loverofwine Sat 22-Sep-12 21:05:16

<<gathering little sticks from neighbours bush with aid of blunt scissors and a candle for fort>>

FancyPuffin Sat 22-Sep-12 21:06:35

grin

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