To go back on what I said?(13 Posts)
Since ds started school each day his behaviour has been terrible whn he's come home. He refuses to tell me anything about his day, he's been very cheeky, refusing to do things and even hit me. I've tried to make the transition as easy as possiible and have been very positive about the whole thing, keep a good routine, chat to him and reassure him if there's anything he's upset about he must tell me. Spoke to his teacher she said he's been fine so I think it's just the change in routine and probably tiredness. Anyway I removed his tv time after school because he hit me, then removed it for another day when he kicked off at teatime.
Today picked him up and his attitude was a lot more positive and he's learnt 6 new sounds and got a smiley for his homework so I gave him tv time back tonight as he's done so well, plus he got two bedtime stories instead of one. Not sure if I should have gone back on what I'd said but don't want to be too negative and want him to see that if he's good he gets the things he wants.
I've never really had to remove things before so this is new to me, he's normally an angel but I won't tolerate being shouted and screamed at or hit, calling me stupid and being ungrateful.
I think an immediate, short punishment is just right, so I think you did the right thing. I'd only keep the punishment going if the bad behaviour continues the next day.
Punishments are very difficult like this - they behave well while their punishment is running, then you can't reward them for it. Probably better to talk things through, get him to tell you as much as possible rather than take away his tv at a time when he's going through so much change.
You punished bad behaviour and rewarded good. I think that's basically the correct way of doing things, isn't it? Did you explain to him why he was getting his TV time back?
Euphemia yes I agree I don't think that at 4 they ahev the capacity to really understand anything more than immediate but I was at a loss what to do. He'd hit me Wed so I removed tv for that evening, thurs he was ok so he got tv time but then kicked off over tea so I told him no tv tomorrow (today), but as he was so good this evening I said he could have it back.
He doesn't watch much anyway maybe 30 minutes while I make tea because we're so bust with tea, bathtime and storytime.
Exhaustion hasn't made my 4 year old sleepy, its made him obnoxious. We've gone back to basic routine, no treats or staying up late, no flexibilty... basic rations. Its working.
However he got 'fantastic friday' today so he's been allowed sweets and to stay up late as its Friday.
I think punishments should be short. Repeated if necessary and removed if behaviour changes (and reintroduced if the behaviour goes downhill)
I don't like calling it punishment though, more lack of reward or consequence!
Starting school for boys often arrives at the same time (4-5yrs) as a massive influx of testosterone which has quite an affect on their overally behaviour. So not only are they dealing with hormones but also the exhaustion of starting school so previously good boundries become blurred.
I agree with the poster above, immediate, short punishment is the best way to go.
Also having a drink and biscuit to hand as they leave school will increase their rehydration and, in many cases, will counteract the behaviour problems immediately on leaving school.
As for the refusing to tell you what they did today or even remembering what they did, I am afraid that just gets worse as they get older lol My almost 14 yr old rolls his eyes when I ask "how was school today" and says "it was school mum, boring like always!"
pyg yes I hated doing it but it was almost becoming a habit that he'd come in kick off and be rude and I mean really rude it was the hitting that did it.
psam yes when I picked him up I looked in his book bag and saw he'd got a smiley for his homework and he read all his sounds to me I said because you've been such a superstar with this you can have the tv tonight. I really praised him loads we did high fives and everything. I always tell him how roud I am when he's good I really do try to be very positive because I think it works.
YABU if you expect him to tell you about his day!
My DC never told me about their days, and I soon learnt not to ask them, but to listen when they wanted to tell me anything. Now they are 13, 11 and 8, they do tell me their problems, so it does seem to have worked as a strategy (touch wood).
But YANBU to let him have the television. Losing television tomorrow is probably fairly meaningless to him, at this age, but being allowed to have television as an immediate reward will probably be much more successful.
nokid yes I've read about the testosterone surge and know boys need to be handled with care so to speak. I definitely think school is mentally draining for him so I am honestly trying to be understanding.
First thing we do when he gets in is uniform off then a drink of milk and a snack. I'm also trying not to bombard him with questions as soon as I pick him up as I know this must be annoying for him although couldn't help myself the first week.
Got to go in a minute but please keep replying I need all the advice I can get want to make sure I get it right for him.
owed yes I'm learning that he tend to spill the beans later on when he's ready but of course I want to know every detail of my pfb day at school, I'm learning to hold back and wait though.
My DD has just started school too and also brings a lot of cheeky playground behaviour home too. Things can go a bit crazy and tv seems to make things worse. So she gets very little tv and gets in with other things.
I'm pretty much taking same line you are. And it works. i stay calm and neutral to all the silly stuff (mostly ). And I say the playground talk/language etc is fine with her friends if that is what they do but I don't want to hear it thank you.
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