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To think it might be nice for my DS to get a birthday card/present?

(12 Posts)
Trazzletoes Fri 21-Sep-12 14:21:52

<sits down and prepares for flaming>

DS has just turned 3.

DB lives abroad and has a DS of his own. DSil is not a huge fan of my family. That's fine, it's her choice who she likes and doesn't like.

We have always exchanged cards and gifts at Christmas and birthdays for the DCs. My DB doesn't actually celebrate Christmas, but we get a gift (afaik gratefully received) for DN so that he knows about the customs and traditions in the UK.

There was no card/gift/email for my DS' birthday. A week later, DB texted to apologise for forgetting and could we Skype? Did so, DS was overjoyed at the prospect of seeing DB on the computer.

DB said a gift would arrive shortly. This was 2 weeks ago and there has been no card or gift. Whilst it could feasibly take that long to get from him to us, we've always both ordered gifts from the respective Amazon site, cutting down delivery time and costs.

AIBU to think it might be nice for my own DB to have a) remembered DS' birthday and b) done something about it off his own back.

Apologies for superfluous information, didn't want to drip feed.

Numberlock Fri 21-Sep-12 14:49:37

On the majority of threads on here, the women seem to be the ones that organise birthday cards and presents. In this case your sister-in-law clearly isn't going to be the one doing this, though. I would imagine that your brother has the best intentions but just hasn't got round to it.

We have always exchanged cards and gifts at Christmas and birthdays for the DCs

Is this the first year he's forgotten?

Trazzletoes Fri 21-Sep-12 15:21:01

Thanks, I hadn't clicked that I do most of the birthday forgetting remembering in our household and that their household may well be the same. In any event, given that DS is still her DN, I wouldn't have thought it would be too much to think she might take an interest in his birthday, but given that she hasn't said 2 words to me since they left the UK 4 years ago, I suppose I'm expecting a bit much..

Yes, it is the first time he's forgotten, so again perhaps I should cut him some slack. I just think it's really a big deal to forget the birthday of a DNiece or a DNephew when they are a child. Birthdays are a big deal when you are a child and I'm just a bit angry that DS has been left out. It turns out that I only got a message about Skyping because DSis reminded DB, so it's not as if he remembered of his own accord.

Ah well, think I may well have to resign myself to the fact that this is going to be how life is from now on (DN actually has no concept of who we are, even who my DM is, which is sad).

missymoomoomee Fri 21-Sep-12 16:11:15

My brother has never ever remembered my kids birthdays, I always get them something from him anyway and he ends up with a thank you call for a present he knows nothing of grin . My kids birthdays mean a lot to me but I wouldn't really expect it to mean a lot to him. He loves them and calls them and spoils them when he sees them so birthdays are not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things imo.

Numberlock Fri 21-Sep-12 16:13:31

Will a 3 year old really remember whether his uncle got him a present?

Sounds positive that Sil reminded your brother to Skype though?

BlueSkySinking Fri 21-Sep-12 16:13:51

Don't get your knickers in a twist, just text and say that you are really sorry but you think his gift has got lost in the post

Trazzletoes Fri 21-Sep-12 17:15:24

Wasn't DSil who reminded him, it was my sister. Missy I take your point, but my DB has very limited interaction with my DS. We Skype occasionally, but DB is extremely hard to get hold of. He's only met DS once when he was 10 months old. I get that, he lives abroad, but DS only knows who he is due to us pushing it and showing him pictures and talking about him and his life and his family, and then presents make it a bit more real. As I said before, my DN has no idea who we are. There's no recognition when we see him on Skype. He saw my DM the other day on Skype and didn't bat an eyelid, despite my DM visiting them as much as she can to try and keep a relationship going.

I guess perhaps this is a wake up call that he really isn't bothered about maintaining a relationship with us and that blood isn't really thicker than water after all sigh.

Floggingmolly Fri 21-Sep-12 17:29:57

He skyped your son; that's attempting to maintain a relationship, surely? confused. He just didn't buy him a present. Totally different.
Just out of interest, can you explain how a present from your brother would make him seem "more real" than actually seeing him in the flesh, as it were, on Skype? You can't, can you?

cozietoesie Fri 21-Sep-12 17:36:33


I have to remind my DB about his wife's birthday!

I'd cut him some slack.


Trazzletoes Fri 21-Sep-12 17:42:20

Fair point Flogging and Cosie

Kalisi Fri 21-Sep-12 17:43:09

Sounds like he genuinely forgot and then apologised and is trying to make amends YANBU to be annoyed in the first instance but after he Skyped you, the matter should be closed really. I only have sympathy because I am genuinely shit at remembering Birthdays and this could so easily have been me! Try and take SIL out of the equation though as I have a sneaky suspicion that her attitude bothers you more than you let on

Ithinkitsjustme Fri 21-Sep-12 17:44:18

I get my knickers in a twist everytime my siblings forget my kids birthdays, but it's a regular occurence and now I've just about given up. I always make sure I remember all their kids birthdays and send them something, although I'm a bit s* at keeping in touch as much as I should, I know the "Auntie X" is that mad woman who lives on the other side of the world who sends you loads of stuff but never speaks to you! I hope that things will change as all the kids get older but I'm afraid that you just have to accept that birthdays and special days are more important to some people than others.

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