Is my husband a massive idiot or do I owe him an apology?

[obvioussockpuppet]

DS (5) has a real intolerance to anything mint flavoured. He says it burns his mouth/gives him a poorly throat so I tend to buy him strawberry flavoured toothpaste or similar. I did an online shop a few weeks back and they sent me mint toothpaste as a substitute for strawberry. Rather than chuck the mint stuff out, I put it in our bathroom cabinet with the intention of giving it to my mate for her DCs. It is still in there.

A few night back, DH accidentally brushed DS's teeth with the mint stuff and DS really sobbed. He just hates mint, really really hates it. So last night, DH tells DS he is having his teeth cleaned with the mint toothpaste Ds obviously protests but DH then proceeds to make him have his teeth cleaned with it. DS cries loudly so I go upstairs to see why he is making him use the fucking toothpaste.

I snatched the toothbrush off DH and washed the mint stuff off, then gave him the strawberry stuff to clean his teeth. DH then starts saying that DS is crying to "play us off against each other" he is "crying for attention" "he cries for nothing" I said that actually I think it is borderlining on abuse to force a child to consume something that provokes such a violent reaction in them. DH is a vegetarian, would he like it if I stuffed a wodge of wafer thin ham in his trap?

We didn't speak for the rest of the night and he has just text me saying that what I said was serious (about borderline abuse) but I think I am right. I also said he is power-pissed where DS is concerned. I hate hearing my little boy sobbing over something as lame as toothpaste and I WILL stand up for him! Fancy making him use that toothpaste is he hates it that much.

It sounds petty written down.

I am a regular under a NC by the way because I am planning on showing DH this thread.

[fuzzywuzzy]

I'm with you on this one. If your DS has a sensitivity to mint he shouldnt be forced to use that toothpaste.

Is it just the taste he finds too strong or does he have a physical reaction to it? Could he have an allergy ro something to mint?

your H is being an arse.

[harleyd]

he is an arse and i think you should stuff the wafer thin ham in his trap!!

[Hemlet]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think he felt guilty after you reprimanded him and threw that (pretty weak) argument in your face. Kids can play parents off against each other, sure, but it sounds like in this case he was being forced to do something a.) he obviously really didn't like and b.) didn't have to do at all.

[valiumredhead]

It really isn't abuse.

Not surprised your dh was pissed off if you snatched the brush off him tbh.

It won't kill him to use a tooth paste he doest like

[obvioussockpuppet]

He just really hates strong mint flavours. Dh says "it's not even strong" but to a little 5 year old, it probably is. He likes things like spearmints where the mint is very mild but not strong mint.

[WorraLiberty]

I hope you didn't have that exchange of words in front of your DS?

He should have used the strawberry paste but it's hard to say whether your DS is trying to control you and whether he is actually making a fuss over nothing.

Maybe your DH doesn't actually believe him and is wondering where the 'control' (if that's what he believes it is) will stop?

On the other hand, I'm a firm believer in picking your battles so I would have just accepted that for his own reasons, your DS will have to use the strawberry stuff.

[TakingTheStairs]

For what it's worth, I think your DH was being unreasonable.
Mint burns your DS' mouth and gives him a sore throat.

To give it to him once as a mistake is understandable.
To force him to use it is mean.
Creating good dental hygiene habits is difficult enough without introducing a negative element to it.

And to me it doesn't sound like your DS is "playing you off one another" in this instance. If he being forced to use a product that hurts him, he should be able to ask for help.
Your DH may have felt undermined, but it sounds like he was only doing it as a power play anyway, so tough luck to him.

[obvioussockpuppet]

DH does not believe in choosing battles. He prefers to make a mountain out of every molehill.

[WorraLiberty]

You can buy spearmint toothpaste and the kids versions are very mild.

That might be a compromise?

[Callisto]

Your husband is indeed a massive idiot and a feelingless git also.

I have a weird intolerance to fresh pineapple - it makes little holes in the roof of my mouth which are agony, so I can totally relate to your son not liking mint, and forcing a child to eat anything (iyswim) is just really wrong.

[mynewpassion]

Were you guys out of the strawberry kind?

[obvioussockpuppet]

Yes, I did say to DS that I would try and find some spearmint toothpaste. Mainly to appease DH

Ooh I get the pineapple thing too.

[missymoomoomee]

If it hurts his mouth then I would say it is abuse, inflicting pain on a child, especially since there was other toothpaste that doesn't hurt him, is totally unacceptable. Sounds like there was a bit of point proving going on at your childs expense there.

[Bossybritches22]

Presumably your DH has known about the intolerance of minty stuff by HIS SON so why did he bully him into using it (pretty distinctive smell) ?

I wouldn't call it abusive (pretty emotive word) but certainly it was unpleasant & bullying, can't stand the heavy handed "he's got to learn" bit from fathers.

Pick your battles I say & I'm with you sodding toothpaste is not one of them.

Incidentally as long as it gets the kid into cleaning his teeth does it matter?

[obvioussockpuppet]

No, we still had some! There's about another 6 toothbrushes worth of strawberry! That's why I say he is power-pissed. If we had none, then I may have tried to cajole DS into trying the mint stuff, but that wasn't the case. I think he was doing to prove that he is the adult and he can, which pisses me off.

[bubby64]

YADNBU! One of my DS hates mint toothpaste too, and he is 11! My DH knows this, and would never force him to use it, or anything else he really dislikes! If your son is that sensitive to it its the equivilent to putting a lotion on a child which brings his skin out in a rash, just because its internal, it doesnt mean its not there! Would he forcefeed a coeliac child gluten!! He is an arse of the first order, surely the well being of his own son is paramount.

[obvioussockpuppet]

Yes Bossy, maybe bullying would have been a better choice of word than abusive.

[blueraincoat]

I have a mint intolerance and my Dad used to try and do something similar to me as your DH did. As a child I wasn't properly able to communicate the problem to him just that it made my mouth hurt.As such I had a real big phobia of anything teeth/dentist related that I have only just got over so YANBU.

[DowagersHump]

My DS is the same. He made a massive fuss about going to breakfast club at school and wouldn't tell me why and eventually I discovered it was because they were brushing his teeth with mint toothpaste. I took his own tube of strawberry toothpaste and he's happy as larry now.

Your DH sounds mean.

There is no reason to have mint flavoured toothpaste - it doesn't have any special teeth cleaning properties

[Rindercella]

Why would your H choose to use a particular toothpaste knowing it would upset DS? Pick your battles, most definitely. But for God's sake, don't engineer battles to get embroiled with.

Your H is BU. You are not.

[GreenEyesAndHam]

The accidentally using it I get- easy done.

But why make him use it again? he's 5 fgs, pick your battles. And then make them battles that actually mean shit, why on earth does it matter that he prefers strawberry flavour, if it was there to be used, let him use it

On the basis of this, he's an arse

[Jinsei]

I think you were both BU tbh. Him for insisting on the mint toothpaste and you for snatching the brush and making such a scene in front of your little boy.

[Mellower]

So unfair.

Find something he detests and force-feed him!

[LineRunner]

I've always assumed that loads of little kids must really hate or not tolerate mint toothpaste, otherwise why the need to invent strawberry flavoured?

I agree that making teeth brushing a pleasant routine is hard enough without an adult in there throwing their weight around.

[LoonyRationalist]

Sounds like your husband was being a prick and trying to assert "his authority"
Very mean and unnecessary.

I think most reasonable adults would go with what your son likes here. As long as there is an alternative and his teeth are getting clean where is the issue.

I have to say however that having this altercation with your DH in front of Dh does not sound ideal. You and DH need a frank discussion in private to agree on your parenting.

I'd also suggest that you throw the mint stuff out.