To cut a long story short, in June BIL's (DH's brother) wife told him she didn't love him anymore & wanted him out. they didn't have any children. Her parents own the house so in effect he was homeless and takes no equity from it.
My 'knight in shining armour' DH immediately jumped to the rescue and told BIL he could stay with us. Although this was not properly discussed with me I didn't really mind as we have the space and thought it would just be for a short spell. Helping out a family member & all that... plus the kids would be pleased to have their uncle around.
Welllllll.... 3 months later he is still here and does virtually nothing around the house (even though I give him chore lists & drop huge hints about taken the kids to the park once in a while), but the best bit is that he pays not a penny in rent. Although he has a reasonably paid job & no financial responsibilities, DH decided in his wisdom that it would be better for BIL to pay off debts and save for a deposit, than make any financial contribution to us. Again this was decided without my input. 
Strangely there seems to be money available to wine & dine his new woman. 
I have now been informed that BIL will be with us until Xmas, when apparently he will miraculously then have enough money for house deposit and mortgage. I am not holding my breath...
So AIBU to feel increasingly resentful towards both DH & BIL, who frankly I feel are both taking the p*. If I was in the same situation not only would I insist on paying at least a token contribution but I would also be doing whatever I could to help out with housework/kids etc.
I understand that DH feels bad for his brother (as did I to begin with) & wants to help in anyway he can, but I am sick of not being able to discuss this rationally with DH. How is that I always end up being made to feel selfish and disloyal!!
AIBU?
AIBU to be resentful at BIL living with us?
chasingtail · 19/09/2012 13:26
thank you both for your prompt replies. 
, I feel better already just getting it off my chest.
When asked to help out he is full of platitudes about 'spending the afternoon ironing' or 'doing the garden' but when it actually comes to it, he does the absolute bare minimum (i.e. ironing 3 kids t shirts & a pair of jeans!).
I don't want to have to keep reminding him - it's not fair & I have enough kids of my own to nag!
He works shifts & appears to spend every minute away from work either sleeping, eating or with girlfriend! Quite a nice life really 
Ironically, i think he was quite the 'man about house' when he was still with wife.
It's almost as if he thinks "right time to put my feet up for a while" 
To be fair he does do his own washing & also generally cooks for himself (very few offers to make meals for us though!).
But in my book the mentality of "if I sort myself out I do 't have to contribute in any other way" is no way to behave when someone is providing a roof over your head rent free.. *Bees" you are right - it is just downright rude to not take the initiative & get stuck in. Regardless of him not creating much extra work for me, he is still using electricity/water/oil etc etc... and in my book payment in kind should be given via jobs around the house.
Am going to attempt a non-confrontational dialogue with DH over next few days and get to the bottom of BIL's plans to get a new place (non-existent I fear). . Cannot continue like this indefinately.
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