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AIBU?

Want to ask for more maintence for my dd?

109 replies

Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 19:41

Hi am posting this here as it gets quite a bit of traffic.
Dp, now ex dp, have lived apart for the last year but we were still in a relationship, it was just our way of havign time to sort things out, anyway as we were sorting things out and he was puttign money into days out and holidays etc I was only asking for £50 a month. Anyway a week and a half ago i got a text from him saying it wasnt working and it was over (since found out he has been seeing someone else for at least a month!!). Seeing as he wont be putting into other things I feel he should be giving me more but he feels as he pays the £100 childcare and me the £50 a month he shouldnt have to give me anymore!!!

Am I unreasonable to want to ask for more for his dd?
(FOrgot to add he never has her over night either).

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Socknickingpixie · 16/09/2012 19:42

it depends how much you can prove he earns

goldenwispa · 16/09/2012 19:44

What does he earn?

thepeoplesprincess · 16/09/2012 19:46

YANBU to want more money, we all do, and if you can get it then fair play.

However, £150 all in is not a bad haul realistically speaking.

Greythorne · 16/09/2012 19:47

Totally depends on his income.

CremeEggThief · 16/09/2012 19:48

15% of his earnings is the general rule. Check out the calculator on the CSA website. I'm on my mobile, so can't link, sorry.

NoToastWithoutKnickers · 16/09/2012 19:49

Per week that is just under £35 which is what I get from XH and that's based on his very low wage.

What does your ex earn?

Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 19:56

He is a security officer so on quite good money. I think he is on £7.80 an hour and works 12 hour shifts of 3 days on, 3 nights then 3 nights then 3 days off. So not really sure what that works out at per month. What I worked it out as on what I think he earns is £84 a week but dont know if this is right.
Its just once he has paid the child care all i see is £50 and this is meant to be for anything she needs!!!!

Not sure I am happy with childcare arrangements either, it is either him or his friend. She is good with dd but dont know if I can trust her, I sent her a text the other day to find out what he gives her as ex wouldnt tell me, and straight after she texted me back I got a call from him, first time since tuesday!!! All cause she had called him!!!!

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Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 20:10

He obviously has rent and bills to pay and he owes his stepmum an awful lot of money which he hasnt paid back yet.

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Socknickingpixie · 16/09/2012 20:11

is he employed or self employed?

it makes a huge difference lots of self employed nrp's lie and its practicly impossible to do anything about it as the csa go with what hmrc accepts and hmrc take years to investigate.

it should be 15% but adjusted to reflect any children who share his home. if you dont agree with the childcare then use someone else.

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/09/2012 20:13

Its not just £50 for everything else she needs though is it? Your £150 to match the support of your child plus child benefit and poss tax credits is more than enough to cover the costs of a child when childcare costs are so low.

If you believe its not 15% of his wages then go through the csa but things ay not remain amicable.

Kayano · 16/09/2012 20:14

£7.80 an hour is not rally good money is it?

Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 20:21

It is compared to what he was on before.

In regards to childcare am looking into other options.

In regards to tax credits and child benefit they are used for living costs but there isnt anything left after that and I want to know I have maintence to cover new clothes , school trips etc.

I am asking on here as I have never been in this situation before and want others opinions. A lot of people in real life are saying that the amount is pathetic, their words not mine so I wanted to get other opinions.

Forgot to say he is employed not self employed.

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Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 20:23

He has no other children to care for and lives on his own, well has a room in a shared property.

Trouble with trying to work it out on the csa website is I dont know exactly what he earns and he would never tell me.

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Kayano · 16/09/2012 20:23

It depends on if you are telling your friends he is giving you £50 a month or £150 a month though doesn't it.

It depends on his salary so your friends
Should butt out. Nothing to do with them

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/09/2012 20:24

I get £50 more a month than you for two children. I think it might be better for you to ask if he can buy specific things directly for your dd rather than ask for money. When my ex and I first split and things were much less friendly than they are now, he was always much more open to buying things the children need, rather than contributing to my pot, and that was fine by me because the dc still got what they needed.

How do you think he would react if you asked him to buy her a new coat or her school shoes or whatever?

Socknickingpixie · 16/09/2012 20:25

happymummy child benefit and tax credits do not and should never negate the nrp paying a fair ammount of maintainance.

he should providing he is not one of the self employed liars be paying about £45 a week.

Socknickingpixie · 16/09/2012 20:26

sorry op i read that as 3 days/nights on 3 off sorry he should be paying more than that

Titsalinabumsquash · 16/09/2012 20:30

To give you a rough guide. My ex has our 2 boys 2 nights a week, he has no other children. He earns £1200 per month and the CSA worked it out as him paying me £170 a month.

florencejon · 16/09/2012 20:32

I think you should see a lawyer and get something sorted out formally.

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 16/09/2012 20:32

7.80 per hour is shit money btw, use the CSA online calculator and ask for that if he wont pay go to the CSA

does he work 3days then 3off then 3nights then 3off? , its not clear from your post

celebmum · 16/09/2012 20:32

Add up what it realistically costs, food/clothing/contribution to electric etc.. Then go back to him with 50% of that. She's half his DD so he should pay half her upkeep.

Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 20:33

The people I have have been talking to, one of which is a family member of his, know he is giving me £50 a month and £100 for childcare so yes they know the truth.

I did say to him the other day we need to discuss it but until then we will leave it as it is and he will have to help with other costs so she doesnt miss out and his reponse to that was if I gave him warning and he could he would.

I have just been on the CSa website and if I have his wages worked out right they are sayign £71 a week so £284 a month so even if you took the childcare off that it is still £184 which is more than I get now. Obviously I am aware that I dont have his actual figure.

As I say never been in this situation before so dont really know what to do, there is so much to consider!!! Including possible change in childcare, possible changes at work if I can etc.

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goldenwispa · 16/09/2012 20:34

36 hours a week at 7.80 an hour? If your getting 150 a month that's fair x

Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 20:34

Sorry he works 3 days, 3 nights then has 3 days off.

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Foxy800 · 16/09/2012 20:35

Golden wispa it isnt 36 hours a week, it is usually 72 hours a week.

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