Am I a tight-fisted old cow?

[Iamnotminterested]

We were invited as a family to DH's cousin's wedding a few weeks ago. He doesn't see this branch of the family very often (Think christenings, weddings and funerals). We couldn't go as we already had something arranged that couldn't be changed. I sent a reply to the invite as soon as I got it - months ago - and sent the happy couple a nice "Congratulations on your wedding" card.

Now, they hadn't drawn up a gift list, they were asking for money to put towards their honeymoon. DH thinks that I should have sent some money with the card but I don't, for one I think it's a bit cheeky asking for money as a present and two we didn't go! As I've said they are not close so I don't feel guilty at only sending a card, plus our finances are not rosy at the moment either. WWY have D?

[mumblechum1]

tbh I would have sent a cheque for whatever I could afford. If you literally have no spare cash then YWNBU

[hawaiiWave]

Yanbu. You're not close and didn't attend the wedding.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YANBU - exactly what hawaii said.

[ViviPru]

YANBU.

As someone planning a wedding right now, I'd be touched at receiving a congratulations card from relatives declining an invitation. From what I gather, actually getting people to RSVPs is a nightmare in itself. I certainly wouldn't expect relations of the nature you describe to give us a gift.

As an aside, YABU for potentially inadvertently sparking off another debate on how unspeakably rude it is to suggest a contribution towards a honeymoon. It isn't, by the way.

[complexo]

Honey moon? We couldn't afford a honey moon so we didn't go on one. We didn't have a gift list and we didn't ask for anything. We got few presents and some money because people wanted to give to us we just asked for them to be there if they could. I can not understand people setting up new homes and going on honey moon and expecting other people to pay for it. It is wrong.

[ViviPru]

[Iamnotminterested]

@ ViviPru

[Jusfloatingby]

I don't think people should explicitely ask for money when they're getting married. Obviously a lot of people prefer to give a gift cheque as it saves them the bother of having to traipse around the shops looking for something, but it is awkward for guests who can't afford to spend a lot as it is easier to disguise that fact with a thoughtful and creative present than a cheque.
Re your question OP, I think I would have sent some kind of a present if I had received an invitation - maybe not a big one but some type of gesture.

[ClippedPhoenix]

Why didn't DH send a card with money in then?

[trixie123]

er, its your DPs cousin so why were you sending the card anyway? If he doesn't like how you did it (and what you did is perfectly fine) the he should do it himself next time.

[Birdsgottafly]

"DH thinks that I should have sent some money with the card"

"DH's cousin's"

You should have at least had a conversation about this, seeming as it is his cousin, even if it is your 'job' to sort out cards for all of the family.

It also depends on if you would have done the same for your own cousin.

Unless i was really skint, i would have sent a cheque.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

YABU for doing this when your dh should be doing it.

However, the correct thing is to send a gift whether you attend the wedding or not. A wedding gift isn't something you give in exchange for being fed at the reception, its a gift to wish the happy couple good luck.