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To be shocked at what I found at mums care home today?

(91 Posts)
Downnotout Wed 29-Aug-12 23:32:39

Mum has Alzheimers. Her DP died suddenly a couple of months ago and me and DSIS had to put mum into full time care.

We looked around a number of places close to us- mum lived 200 miles away and thought we had found the right place.

Mum has, for the last couple of years, had to be "coerced" to get out of bed. There is no physical reason to stay in bed but I think she feels safe there. She also has history of refusing to eat. This has continued, on and off, at the care home. They normally manage to get her up at some point. My sis or myself go most days and she always gets up when we arrive. I take her out for the day and she always eats her meals then.

Now usually, one of the carers will come and find me if they have concerns about mum not eating, because she will eat for me. She has been much better for the last couple of weeks, getting up and going to the dining room for her meals. Today when I arrived at 3pm mum was still in bed. It was clear she had not got up at all. Her breakfast, a slice of toast, was still at the side of her bed untouched. Along with a stone cold cup of tea. I know if anyone had been in to offer lunch or a fresh cup of tea the toast would have gone and there would have been some covered sandwiches if she hadn't got up for lunch.

I went into her bathroom. Oh God there was poo splattered everywhere. All over the seat, the floor, I tried and couldn't flush away what was in the bowl, so much stuff it had blocked! Her dirty underwear was in the sink with a dirty flannel that she had used to try and clean herself with. In the bedroom were her trousers from yesterday, also covered in dried poo.

I got mum up and dressed and sat her in the day room and went to find a carer. She, the carer, had just come on duty, she couldn't tell me if mum had eaten anything, I told her about mums accident and she got it all cleaned up. Then she found there were no sheets on mums bed. She apologised. DD then needed the loo and went into mums bathroom. When she flushed everything came back up. I can only think that mum had had dreadful diahorrea.

But it was clearly yesterday. And no one noticed. Anything. Til I reported it at 3.30 today. Tell me that's not right.

ImperialBlether Wed 29-Aug-12 23:33:56

Of course it's not right. It's terrible.

What will you do? I wouldn't want to leave her there.

icecold Wed 29-Aug-12 23:35:54

that is SO not right sad

I think you need to speak with the manager, its terrible

Are they normally otherwise excellent? Can you look for a different home?

CouthyMow Wed 29-Aug-12 23:35:56

That's not right.

I would be putting in a complaint. So they didn't bother to bring her any lunch, no one checked on her after she was brought her breakfast, no one bothered to try to get her to eat, no one realised she had no sheets on her bed, no one realised she was ill...

I'd be finding her somewhere else to live, if that was me!!

LST Wed 29-Aug-12 23:36:14

Shocking! Your poor mum and poor you. Is there a complaints procedure!? That's negligence surely sad

JustSpiro Wed 29-Aug-12 23:36:22

That's horrific - your poor mum.

I would be having very strong words with the management - they must have policies about how they deal with this kind of thing - how often people are checked on, what the procedure is if they don't eat etc.

I don't know what else to say, but hope you get it sorted very soon.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 29-Aug-12 23:36:34


I work in care and that should not be happening.

If someone wanted to stay in bed I'd leave that up to them but I'd be in and out with fresh cups of tea and sticking my head around the door every hour or so to make sure all is well.

Move her. She can't stay there.

I'm sorry! sad

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 29-Aug-12 23:38:32

That's not right.

Ask for a copy of the contract and mission statement. Then write and call and talk to whomever you can, outlining the obvious shortcomings in provision of care and evaluate their response, including any statutory bodies in your correspondence.

SoggySummer Wed 29-Aug-12 23:42:12

That is awful.

You have to move her. I doubt this is just a one off. You just "got lucky" discovering the truth today.

Can you bring her home with you until you find somewhere else? The only other option is for someone to try and be with her most of the day until you can get her in somewhere else.

Downnotout Wed 29-Aug-12 23:42:36

I am going to speak to the manager tomorrow. Everything has been distressing enough as it is, with mums DP dying, having to put mum into care. She doesn't remember anything for more than a few minutes so she doesn't know herself if she's eaten, and so I've relied on them to tell me. But obviously it hasn't been passed on to the next shift, so I wonder how many times she has gone without a meal, or two or three.

But the poo. I can't believe it. I was so shocked I was really upset leaving her. Mum of course has no idea. And now I'm thinking- has she had a bath or shower. Is she dirty. And I've left her there.

BrevilleTron Wed 29-Aug-12 23:44:26

If you need numbers etc and contact details try Talking Point. It's a dementia forum. I used it last year when my Grandma was diagnosed. They have great advice on how to contact the CQC ( Care Quality Commission) I hope it helps

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler Wed 29-Aug-12 23:44:32

I work in a care home for people with mental health problems, including alzheimers.

I can honestly say, that when one of our service users does not want to get up, that is fine, but they actually get more input from staff as they are not with everyone else. They get checked on more frequently and get offered cold drinks as well as the regular warm ones, get their position changed frequently if they are not able/inclined to move.

You don't really need us to tell you that is not right. Make an appointment with the manager and I think it would also be worth having a SW there with you too. It is a protection of a vulnerable adult issue.

There are procedures to follow if you do not feel satisfied with the outcome of the meeting.

Backtobedlam Wed 29-Aug-12 23:46:57

Aww, that sounds terrible for her and you. I worked in care homes when I was younger and let me assure you this is not the norm, it's totally shocking! If she really didn't want to get up they should have at least given her a wash and made her bed up...then they'd also gave noticed no sheets. If it was my mother I would definately be having a strong word and looking to moving her-there are some really fantastic care homes out there so don't be put off or think for a second that this is the norm.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 29-Aug-12 23:47:55

They'll have notes about what she's eaten - all care homes do.

They might not be detailed; we just say 'ate well'/'declined breakfast' or similar but something will be written down. Her breakfast tray being there is odd though.

There's a company called CQC who regulate standards in care homes. Google them, you may find some useful information.

I'm disgusted for you. And angry.

fuckbadger Wed 29-Aug-12 23:50:19

Thats outrageous! I used to work in a care home and these things would definitely have been noticed. We had a few residents who would stay in bed all day if we weren't able to coax them out but they would always have a wash, clean sheets and pjs, meals taken to them and regular checks. I would be kicking up a huge stink iiwy, if you contact the cqc they will investigate.

Do you and your dsis always visit at the same time or does it vary?

Downnotout Wed 29-Aug-12 23:51:43

Oh God it's a horror story isn't it. Until now they have been great. But even as a one off it's not right is it. I feel sick about it all.

My brother lives abroad, my sister has a one up one down house and whilst I have room here, I'm away a lot , my DH is often away on business overseas. My house is also completely unsafe for her and she would need constant supervision. I can't do it, I cared for Dad here for the last few months of his life, but mums condition is very different.

BoreOfWhabylon Wed 29-Aug-12 23:54:30

The Care Quality Commission is the regulatory body charged with ensuring that care homes meet government standards.

You can contact them here

I' be ringing them first thing in the morning. Good luck to you and your Mum, OP, I am so sorry that you and she have had to go through this.

Lilithmoon Wed 29-Aug-12 23:55:26

Oh OP, you could be me sad
I think you will find you need to move her. If it were me I would contact the companies HQ and kicking up and almighty racket and probably the CQC too: CQC Has your Mum got a social worker? If so, have a chat to them.
You could also try the Alzeimers Society
Hope you get it sorted.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 29-Aug-12 23:59:25

Ring CQC before you speak to the Home Manager.

Firstly because they will advise you and secondly you can mention to the manager that you've called CQC and you will sound more 'with it' and are less likely to be fobbed off with sob stories of staff shortage or similar.

This shouldn't be happening.

Is your mum paying herself or is she funded? If she's paying herself then it will be easier to find her somewhere else.

I've woked in some shit-holes in my time and these places rarely change. I think you need to find her somewhere else. This place can't meet her basic needs.

fuckbadger Wed 29-Aug-12 23:59:32

If you complain I guarantee they will do everything to stop it going further. They won't want to be on the wrong side of the cqc so your mum's care will be perfect until you move her, if thats what you plan to do. I'm so sorry for you op, it must have been such an awful shock to find your mum in such a state.

Downnotout Thu 30-Aug-12 00:01:14

DSIS and I try to visit on different days mostly. She works nights and I am a SAHM. I know DSIS hasn't been since the weekend. I had mum here all day on Monday but no one went yesterday.

Like I say, usually they come and talk to me as soon as I arrive if mums been difficult about eating, so I know they do monitor it. But something has gone wrong today. And I know it was her breakfast because the toast was rock hard and dried out and the tea had sepatated and had milky scum on it. It had been there hours!

I also know they're round with the drinks trolley all the time- so no-one had been in at all as the breakfast would have been cleared.

Downnotout Thu 30-Aug-12 00:14:13

It's such a learning curve. It all happened so quickly, we though we had been lucky to find somewhere so nice. You read horror storys about things like this, and worse, but you don't expect them to happen to your loved ones.

Mum is so vulnerable. She would just die if she was by herself. My DSIS is no help for anything other than that she visits mum ( she is somewhere on the AS, high functioning, but struggles socially) and my Dbro is delusional and still thinks mum could get on a plane and go and stay with him in Spain for a bit.

Devora Thu 30-Aug-12 00:14:45

I'm so sorry, that's really terrible sad

QuangleWangleQuee Thu 30-Aug-12 00:24:29

So you think she had dreadful diarrhoea on Monday and then had drunk nothing til you arrived on Tues afternoon? That sounds dangerous as surely she could easily have got severely dehydrated with that combination? You have to wonder what could happen to someone who doesnt have daily visitors like your mum does? sad

demisemiquaver Thu 30-Aug-12 00:33:46

also have some staff experience here............sounds like they were v. good before...: so was that an act ? or poss there had been a staff shortage this day? I agree with prev. poster in that all should be well if you complain as they'll not want to put a foot wrong.....and poss was staff that were inexperienced and thus overwhelmed in a 'fluke' situation....poss if other clients also ill never easy would it be to find somewhere else?...dont beat yourself up it sounds like you're doing your best here...good luck anyway and sending lots of sympathy your way

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