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Screaming toddler next door what can we do....

(237 Posts)
Crouchendmumoftwo Fri 24-Aug-12 18:00:03


We live on a road with Victorian terraced houses. Our lovely neighbours who had 5 children have moved and a new couple have moved in with a 1.5 year old.
We havent slept for over a week since they moved in as their child cries on and off through the night and screeches and it wakes both of us up so 12 and then 3 in the morning and 6 in the morning. We are both exhausted. We have a 3 and 4 year old and are just getting our sleep back into order!
For some reason he seems to be in their bedroom and crying and we think that he is not being responded to immediately as the crying goes on and on. Also his screams are high pitched and really loud. We have had 5 kids next door with the youngest being 3 and we really didnt hear much so this is really ironic!
We also work from home and both hear him crying and screeching with his piercing voice throughout the day. I don't mind this so much it's just the lack of sleep at the moment. What would you do. I can't use earplugs unfortunately. We are at our wits end and exhausted from tiredness....
Thanks very much.

Rubirosa Fri 24-Aug-12 18:01:59

If he is in their bedroom, then what makes you think he isn't being responded to?

MainlyMaynie Fri 24-Aug-12 18:02:24

'For some reason he seems to be in their bedroom...' hmm

StellarforStar Fri 24-Aug-12 18:03:43

Nip round with a cake and a sympathetic ear.

It's a pain in the arse for you, but maybe he's really unwell.

As a mum of one and Foster mum to two, all under 4, I can also highly recommend Monster Lo-carb and Relentless Libertus.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 24-Aug-12 18:04:29

Have a bit of empathy. It's going to be a lot louder on their side of the wall. And they are problem mortified at the noise as well as tthe stress of unhappy DC

Have you tried a different type of earplug.?

thisisyesterday Fri 24-Aug-12 18:05:18

well, why not go round there and ask if everything is ok?
assuming they have more than one bedroom i don't think it's entirely unreasonable to point out that the noise is keeping you awake. they may think about having him in a different room if they know it's disturbing you a lot.

but don't go round in a complain-y way, i expect it's worse for them than it is for you!

PureMorning Fri 24-Aug-12 18:05:47

Toddlers cry, I think there not much you can do.

And they probably are comforting him but he is still crying

NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown Fri 24-Aug-12 18:06:15

As the mum of an 18 month old who often screams and screeches I honestly don't know that there's anything you can do. Just because it goes on for ages doesn't mean the child isn't being responded to; I always tend to DS immediately if he cries, especially during the night as I hate him being upset but sometimes he continues to cry no matter what I do, especially if over-tired.

I don't know what I'd do in your position and I'm not sure if/how I'd want a neighbour to approach me if they were concerned - sorry I'm of no help but just wanted you to know a different perspective. Hopefully its just teething or a phase he'll grow out of soon

HecateHarshPants Fri 24-Aug-12 18:06:46

My children screeched all day and night as toddlers (and still vocalise constantly!) they have autism. I am in no way attempting to diagnose anything! grin but it is worth bearing in mind that there can be many reasons for constant high pitched screeching, beyond the ones that come to mind (child not being attended to, controlled crying, etc)

Perhaps you could introduce yourselves to them, welcome them to the road. Suss out the situation a bit.

you could mention the screeching, i suppose. But I have no idea how you'd word it. Are you wanting to complain? Wanting them to make sure he doesn't screech? Want them to go halves on soundproofing?

Maybe raise it by sympathising? Oh, mine could yell their heads off when they were that age, exhausting, isn't it? And see what they say.

Or go round, say hi, and say that you've got 2 young children and to please let you know if they're being too noisy, you know how it is with youngsters, and you'll try to get them to keep it down. and see what they say?

hazeyjane Fri 24-Aug-12 18:07:22

Apart from earplugs, I can't think what to suggest, sorry.

Our 2 year old ds has always been a screamer and screecher, even if responded to and is still in our bedroom. I have spoken to our terraced neighbor about it because I felt bad about the noise, and she says it doesn't bother her, she realises that there is not much that we can do.

If your dcs are being disturbed by it, you might find having a story tape/radio/music at a low level in their room helps.

WorraLiberty Fri 24-Aug-12 18:07:58

It's the worst noise in the world...especially when you've done the sleepless nights yourself and got through them.

But it's the sort of thing you have to suck up when you live in a terraced house I'm afraid.

domesticslattern Fri 24-Aug-12 18:11:59

I suspect that they too would prefer that their toddler didn't cry in the night. I suspect also that they are more tired than you. Short of a ball and gag however, there is unlikely to be much they could do.

financialwizard Fri 24-Aug-12 18:12:23

The exact reason we are going for a detached house this time. Not so we don't have to put up with other peoples children, but because of my noisy tasmanian devil DD.

Shelby2010 Fri 24-Aug-12 18:14:47

Take them a bottle of wine as a house warming present. Sounds like they need it! Have one yourself too. grin

If after a bit of 'how's the new house' chit chat they don't bring up the subject you could always ask if toddler is finding it difficult to settle in a new place & bring it up that way.

hlipop Fri 24-Aug-12 18:15:30

child could be unsettled due to move?? just a thought...i hate it when my children wake in the night as worry the will wake our terrice!!

blackteaplease Fri 24-Aug-12 18:18:15

Have they only been there a week? It could just be that their toddler is unsettled by the change and will settle down soon <hopeful>.

Having said that dd is a screamer and at that age was often found screeching in the middle of the night. I always responded to her and still do but I can't prevent the screaming, I can only try to calm her quickly which doesn't always work.

There's not much you can do really.

whathasthecatdonenow Fri 24-Aug-12 18:20:07

I'll swap you for one side that have incredibly noisy sex 2 or 3 times a night and then again first thing, or the other where everyone (mum, 3 kids) screams 'fuck off' at each other all day whilst playing rap music at full volume with windows and doors open. At the moment it is Eminem.

Selling this place is not going to be easy.

Iamsparklyknickers Fri 24-Aug-12 18:20:40

Find a crack in the wall and fan some weed fumes through it?

TerraNotSoFirma Fri 24-Aug-12 18:20:48

We moved in to this house in January, my two were unsettled for the first month, cried almost constantly and woke crying in the night also.

It may just be a period of adjustment. Other than earplugs there is Not much you (or your neighbours) can do I'm afraid.

Crouchendmumoftwo Fri 24-Aug-12 18:20:57

Interesting replies, thank you very much. We haven't had a proper nights sleep all week because of his constant screaming and we both need to work and be awake! We really feel we can't carry on like this its awful and Im dreading it again tonight. I think we are going to have to say something in a nice way if that is possible to work through options with them. Really difficult I know but we aren't able to grin and bear it and live in misery. It might be a case of the mum or dad comforting him in a back bedroom until he grows out of it. Maybe they don't realise we can hear his constant pneumatic non stop screeching, god sending shivers down my spine as I think of it.

iguanadonna Fri 24-Aug-12 18:20:59

My DS1 screamed a lot at night - he just slept very badly and woke up furious and was hard to comfort. No SN or anything. Got better between 2 and 3 years.

I was so worried we were disturbing the neighbours and even that they might report us to SS. Eventually went round to explain - with DS so they could see he was perfectly ok.

I foolishly started 'I've come round because I think DS's bedroom is next to your kitchen...' which lead to several awkward minutes of them apologizing for loud music etc, none of which we had ever heard.

You're going to have to talk to them.

Crouchendmumoftwo Fri 24-Aug-12 18:22:45

whatsthecatdone now - are you joking ! god love you that is worse. I totally feel for you sorry. God do parents have sex that much still - : /

MollyMurphy Fri 24-Aug-12 18:23:44

Our two year old is at a tantrum stage where he screams, whines and cries a lot - he also gets up several times a night (teething, sick, nightmare, cold/hot, thirsty....or just awake and wanting to play). He's loud - I don't think this is uncommon. It hardly ideal, but we can't gag him.

Get some ear plugs. what do you want them to do?

Asamumnonsense Fri 24-Aug-12 18:24:35

When my DD was 2 she went through the 'night terrors' phase and would scream the house down 'no mummy' for about 45 mns at times 2 or 3 times a night. In a victorian house, I knew the neighbours could hear the screams but all I could was worry about my DD but I did explain and apologised to the neighbours below and upstairs as I knew their bedroom were directly above and below...
He may be going through a phase and it will go away. Be patient or like others suggested, invite them for coffee and am sure you will get the real facts behind the screams. He is a toddler and it is expected but I totally understand how unfair it is that your nights are that much affected.

AmberLeaf Fri 24-Aug-12 18:26:57

What do you expect them to do though?

After your 2nd post I think YABU.

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