AIBU to be annoyed as SIL?

[MISSSIXTY2]

I have a DD(13) from my exp, a DSS (11) and together with my DH have a DS (3). We have an unspoken informal family rule of a set budget for birthdays and Christmas presents for all children in the family.Each year for birthdays and Christmas my DHs sis has given my DD half that amount and my DSS and our DS gets the full amount.We always give her two DDs full amount.This year for my DD birthday sil did not give her anything not even a card. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed and hurt on behalf of my DD and offended that my Sil does not seam to consider my DD part of her DB family unit?

[ZillionChocolate]

If you're certain the card/present aren't forgotten/lost in the post, you might say to her in a friendly kind of way "I'm so glad we're not doing presents for the kids' birthdays anymore, it's so much work to choose what to buy".

[TidyDancer]

So she's spending half the amount on your DD as she is on the others?

I think the presents themselves matter more tbh, and they probably shouldn't be quantified like that, unless it's glaringly obvious they are consistently worth much less. Or it's in cash terms.

Plus if it's an informal unspoken rule....

[PooPooInMyToes]

Has your husband said anything to her about how she only gives your daughter half the amount she gives the others?

I think that's outrageous! She should NOT be treating your daughter differently. What a cunt!

[MISSSIXTY2]

thanks guys,it always money so hense why I can see its half,it didnt get lost in the post....DH has never called her out on it per say but does tell her how well my family treat DSS.

[TidyDancer]

Ah sorry, I missed the part that she didn't do anything this year.

How long ago was this? Has anything been said?

[SDTGisAnOlympicWolefGenius]

That is a rotten thing to do - family is so much more than just the 'blood' connection, and she should treat all of your children equally - as they are all equally precious to you and your dh.

[MISSSIXTY2]

its been three weeks since birthday,nothing said directly to Sil,just DH saying how mean she is,thanks for confirming that the norm in this blended family situtation you think all children should be treated the same,that is what I have always believed but nice to see it confirmed it means a lot to me.thanks

[MagicHouse]

Doesn't sound nice at all - especially if the present has been money, so it's been obvious to your DD she's only getting half. I would get your DH to talk to her about it, especially the lack of card this year. That's a horrible way to treat a child.

[WitchOfEndor]

I'd go with Zillions suggestion and use it as an opportunity to stop this. DCs get so much stuff these days that they probably won't miss it anyway and it stops resentment building in you (and your DCs when they are old enough to spot the disparity).

[MagicHouse]

Yes definitely stop it. It's a hard one though - if she does keep giving your other children money - maybe put it into an account before they see it, and set up another account for your DD in which you match the amount. Tell them they can have it at 18 or something. That way it's less obvious to your DD what's happening.