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To wonder why my overweight friend won't try harder?

(148 Posts)
MsBrown Tue 07-Aug-12 15:58:02

I have a friend who is morbidly obese. Her mother died last year in her sleep at the young age of 44 due to high blood pressure. Her mum was also largely overweight and was a much loved nurse (on the heart ward!). i loved her dearly. Her death was a huge shock. She'd never been diagnosed with high blood pressure before.

Since then, my friend - who has NEVER bothered about her weight before - has suddenly become obsessed with it. She inherited a lot of money from her mum's death, as well as being left the house. She's converted one of the rooms into a gym and also bought a year's membership at the local gym. In a year - she's been once, and never used the gym equipment in her own home.

I tried to help her by saying i'd exercise with her, we'd do something fun, i'd help her do a healthy meal planner etc. She said no because she doesn't like exercise, and she doesn't like fruit/veg.

I told her that it's still possible to eat less fatty foods without consuming a tonne of veg. I told her it's still possible to lose weight without exercising for hours each day. But she said she couldn't be bothered with it all. She wants a quick fix. She's been looking online at the stomach band thing, and has also bought some diet pills online from America.

I've seen the film 'Requiem for a Dream' and it's made me petrified of diet drugs. I told her this, and she said a friend recommended them to her and she's fine with them having traces of speed in them if it'll make her thin!

Anyway, they made her ill, so her new thing is Herbalife. She tried it for a morning, said it was disgusting, and hasn't touched it again. yet more money down the pan.

meanwhile she's eating utter crap and getting little to no exercise each day. Her work is literally next door to her home. She gets taxis everywhere else. She works full time and get's takeouts every lunchtime, and takeaways every dinnertime. She keeps NOTHING in her fridge, but her freezer's always packed full.

I told her to make a packed lunch each night before work, but she says she can't bothered. It's quicker to get a takeaway.

I was looking at old school pics of us today and she's always been very overweight, but she's positively ballooned in the last ten years. nothing in the high street fits her anymore.

She's not depressed. She is not called names etc by random people. She is actually very popular in our town and much loved by everyone. So it's nothing to do with comfort eating etc as she's always been the same. She just loves food.

Last week, i invited her round to mine for dinner after work. She came and while i was cooking, she devoured a full multipack of crisps (10 packets!) and 4 of my daughter's chocolate bars from her treat tub.

I told her that's not on and i want money for them. She laughed and handed me over a tenner (so i actually made quite a profit, but thats not the point). I told her she has a cheek to complain about her weight when she eats like this. her excuse was 'but i've not eaten anything all day. I've been good so deserve a treat.'

I gave her dinner - Leek and potato soup with brown bread. She told me she hates bread, so left that, but ate the soup no problem. She asked for second helpings, and then thirds... I'd made a full pot (enough normally to freeze into 12 portions) and there was nothing left!

I told her that i'd give her the recipe for it, but she refused and said she doesn't like cooking.

She then went into my living room and started farting and burping away! She always does this when she's here and it bugs the hell out of me! Her wind is seriously disgusting because of her diet, and i tell her this all the time. It goes on for about an hour, i'm having to open all the windows etc, letting all the heat out. And when she leaves, like i always do when she visits, i need to shove all loose fabrics such as cushion covers etc into the wash because they reek of her wind! She's just soooo lazy and is really starting to bug me!

On the other hand, i have another mutual friend who is overweight, and has always been upset about it. Two years ago, she decided enough was enough and has managed to lose 4 stone, through gentle exercise and small changes to her diet.

It doesn't take much effort, so why can't my other friend do the same? The 'quick fix' approach obviously isn't working for her so what will? I'm really worried about her and angry too.

StuntGirl Tue 07-Aug-12 16:01:31

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FunnysInLaJardin Tue 07-Aug-12 16:02:00

tbh it doesn't sound like you like your friend very much. Why would it make you so angry?

DementedHousewife Tue 07-Aug-12 16:02:39

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FutTheShuckUp Tue 07-Aug-12 16:03:37


DozyDuck Tue 07-Aug-12 16:03:38

sad poor friend. I understand you're worried about her but if she 'can't be bothered' then you should accept that and accept her for how she is.

We all do something that isn't very healthy I'm sure.

ShirleyKnot Tue 07-Aug-12 16:06:11


With friends like you who needs enemas

MsBrown Tue 07-Aug-12 16:06:31

i love my friend! If i didn't, i wouldn't bother my arse posting about her.

It makes me angry because her mum died at a young age due to high blood pressure and i'm worried my friend might go the same way. She's much heavier now than her mum was when she died. Friend has been diagnosed recently with high blood pressure too but is doing naff all about it.

Her health is at stake here and i don't know how to help her.

And of course i'm angry too about her stinking my house out. Wouldn't you? I can't even begin to stress just how awful it is. The only thing comparable to the stench is an slaughterhouse.

CrikeyOHare Tue 07-Aug-12 16:07:04

Her life. Her body. Her business.

Bit disgusted that you demanded and then took (proudly making a profit!) money from her for food she ate in your house.

Does she have to pay for cups of tea too?

RichTeas Tue 07-Aug-12 16:07:26

She has psychological problems. To say "it's nothing to do with comfort eating etc" shows how little you (as a friend) know about fat friend's issues. Her behaviour can be changed but she needs professional help, not fad diets or invasive procedures. You obviously care about fat friend to write all this here, but you are not helping her by letting her eat crisps and chocolate at your house and naively thinking soup and brown bread will be a step in the right direction. Your friend is in complete denial and is maybe too scared to understand or accept the implications of her behaviour. Encourage her to see a psychologist who deals with weight problems soon. That is the only thing you can do.

MsBrown Tue 07-Aug-12 16:07:37

aaaaaaand angry about her raiding my cupboards everytime she's here!

usualsuspect Tue 07-Aug-12 16:07:54

The only advice I would give to your friend is to find a new friend.


Petsinmyolympicpudenda Tue 07-Aug-12 16:08:28

i love my friend

no you really don't.

lynniep Tue 07-Aug-12 16:08:44

oh ffs.
'It doesn't take much effort, so why can't my other friend do the same?'
seriously, what PLANET are you on?
She clearly has major problems with overeating. How on earth do you know 'she's not depressed' you aren't in her head
if you don't like her, which you clearly dont, leave the poor girl alone

ShirleyKnot Tue 07-Aug-12 16:09:07

You nagging on at her will do absolutely nothing to help her.

Her mum died last year, poor thing, and she's got you harping on about leeks and shit.

You also seem wildly interested in her financial situation.

MsBrown Tue 07-Aug-12 16:10:02

@ Crikey. I'm a single mum struggling with money. The snacks she ate were supposed to last me and my daughter a fortnight. She knew this. Should i just let her come in and eat whatever she likes? She KNEW dinner was coming but she still ate all that first.

rainydaysarebad Tue 07-Aug-12 16:10:16

Hahaha, love a good story with farting and burping in it.

PineappleBed Tue 07-Aug-12 16:11:06

I think if you've never struggled with your weigh it can be hard to understand. It hard to lose weight as, depending how you yo about it, it can just feel like deprevation and boring punishment.

At the end of the day it's up to her and you banging on about it is likely to hinder not help - how do you feel when nagged?

usualsuspect Tue 07-Aug-12 16:11:36

Leeks always make me fart, sorry if TMI. grin

ShirleyKnot Tue 07-Aug-12 16:11:42

urgh, not a single mum?

WHY couldn't you have stayed with the father of your child? All it takes is a bit of willpower or whatever, you don't sound depressed or as if you have a reason to not be still with the father of your child. sad

CrikeyOHare Tue 07-Aug-12 16:11:48

You say "Can you not eat those please, they are for DD" - or hide them.

But to demand money is disgraceful.

Is it because she's rich? And why didn't you give her some change?

MsBrown Tue 07-Aug-12 16:12:02

@ rich teas. Thank you for your advice. I've spoken to her time and time again about seeing someone after her mum died, but she's really against it. She doesn't like the idea of talking to a stranger. There's no way she'll change her mind.

I really don't want to just have to accept it. She's slowly (or perhaps not slowly) killing herself. Should i just sit by and watch it happen?

cheekybarsteward Tue 07-Aug-12 16:12:12

Arf @ shirley

FutTheShuckUp Tue 07-Aug-12 16:12:19

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Petsinmyolympicpudenda Tue 07-Aug-12 16:12:51

ShirleyKnot = well played!grin

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