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To wonder why the fuck I agreed to visit DH's parents again!

(260 Posts)
HeyNa Tue 07-Aug-12 13:56:15

We are in Eastern Europe. It is 40C in the day and 35C at night. No wind, no air con. We have 4 Dcs and DH reverts to the ignorant sexist pig that most of his countrymen are aslmost as soon as we arrive in the country!

It is too hot to sit around the in-laws house (they expect me to constantly clean and make chai anyway), we have a 2 year old and we need to go somewhere where there is air con as we had planned, but he has buggered off with his cousins without a word to me. No idea when he will be back. All he does while here is sit on his arse drinking chai and jibber jabbing away with his numerous relatives, leaving all the cleaning, cooking and washing to me. The electricity goes off constantly so it can take all day to do one load of washing.

I can drive but I am terrified of driving here as they drive like maniacs and on the wrong side of the road to boot! The older Dcs have not had lunch as there is nothing in. I feel absolutely trapped and powerless. I do not speak fluently in his language so can't join in with conversations and I can't get a word in edgeways. He has been ignoring me.

I would like to smash DH's teeth in actually. This is not a holiday for me or the DCs. This is our 3rd time here and he promised this would not happen again. At home, he helps a lot and I wear the trousers if you will. I will never come here again. I am even thinking divorce would be a better option. AIBU?

CailinDana Tue 07-Aug-12 14:01:18

If my husband ever treated me like that, once, never mind multiple times, I would seriously consider divorce. At the very least I would just book a flight home and leave him there.

squeakytoy Tue 07-Aug-12 14:01:55

Maybe he sees this as an opportunity not to be under your thumb. confused

Who does the cooking and cleaning at his in-laws house when you are not there though? Why as a guest should you be expected to do it?

You do sound as though you set off with no intention of having any fun anyway to be honest.

"I would like to smash DH's teeth in actually"... nice..

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 07-Aug-12 14:03:31

Pack your bags. When he comes back, tell him that you're going home. And unless he gets his act together, do exactly that.

polkadotsrock Tue 07-Aug-12 14:04:44

I came on here to post something similar, though less serious. My FIL makes me insane.
Anyway, if I were you I would try to talk to him later tonight to tell him that you are seriously pissed off. Give him tomorrow to sort his behaviour out and if nothing happens then book a flight home (or to a proper holiday destination) for you and the kids. This can't be nice for them and that's the main thing really.
And never agree to go there with him again.

MrsMangoBiscuit Tue 07-Aug-12 14:04:45

Bloody hell! I'd be going home! sad

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 07-Aug-12 14:06:30

Where in eastern europe is it 40c? and I thought chai was indian?

leave the bastard

Yama Tue 07-Aug-12 14:06:48


I visited one set of in-laws in Eastern Europe last summer. I won't be going again and my dh was a saint.

Please down tools and stop cleaning.

NomNomingiaDePlum Tue 07-Aug-12 14:08:01

how much longer do you have to stay? if it's only a few more days, it's probably not worth the hassle of trying to get out of there. but i would let him visit his family alone in future, and i would be having a serious chat with him when you get home about his native-country attitude, and how difficult it is for you to believe that he doesn't actually think like a neanderthal when he reverts so effortlessly at his parents'.

Salmotrutta Tue 07-Aug-12 14:08:20

Is it the cultural norm in this country for DIL to run around after the husbands family and for the men to be sexist?

Salmotrutta Tue 07-Aug-12 14:09:06

Obviously not this country as in the UK but wherever your ILs live ...

ShesBack Tue 07-Aug-12 14:11:05

Why do men suddenly become much braver, bossing their wives about when they have them at a disadvantage? If it were me, I'd burn my passport as soon as i got back home, and wouldnt renew it.

Salmotrutta Tue 07-Aug-12 14:11:11

I always feel Neanderthals get a bad press ...

Salmotrutta Tue 07-Aug-12 14:12:03

What on earth possessed me to post that last comment? confused

HeyNa Tue 07-Aug-12 14:13:14

Piss off Squeaky, he is not under my thumb.

The 'daughters' are supposed to do everything in the house here. MIL has done her bit so just delegates. DH's 2 sisters are here as well with their families bitching about who has done what. I knew it would be a shit holiday for me so was aware it would not be fun, who would find running around after men and children all day fun on holiday. I was prepared to forego an actual holiday where I could relax (need to as setting up my own business) to come so DH could see his parents and they could see the DCs, I was not prepared for him to act the same way as the 2 previous times we have been here or the unbearable heat! The Dcs want to go home as their cousins are horrible and they are always arguing, and we are mainly around the house as DH can'tbe arsed to take us anywhere.

The only one getting anything out of this is DH and we have 2 further weeks of it!

Yes, I stand by my impulse to smash his teeth in.

MakeItALarge Tue 07-Aug-12 14:13:15

Expecting women to do the cooking and cleaning might be the cultural norm but I don't know of any culture where its normal to leave your wife and 4dc in a foreign country without food confused even allowing for cultural differences thats just rude and insensitive

Sorry op but id pack my bags and leave him to it!

AKMD Tue 07-Aug-12 14:15:58

YANBU. Get on the phone to your airline and take the DC home.

I took 2yo DS somewhere hot a few weeks ago and was counting the days before we could come home again and that was with lovely hosts!

NomNomingiaDePlum Tue 07-Aug-12 14:16:12

i think neanderthals do get a bad press, actually - isn't the theory that we (homo sapiens), utter tossers that we are, crowded them out?

so, really, op, your dh is reverting to species type, then. not at all neanderthal.

RichTeas Tue 07-Aug-12 14:16:16

I thought chai is Indian too?? However, I am pleased to see that Twinnings now do a version and it's very good.

No need for a divorce or any teeth smashing, just stop doing the cleaning and go out to some restaurants and enjoy yourself.

NomNomingiaDePlum Tue 07-Aug-12 14:17:28

two more weeks? pack bags, book flight.

HeyNa Tue 07-Aug-12 14:19:23

We are in the South and yes, you would not believe it but the men do NOT lift a finger here. Women are ignored. DH was never like this when I met him and it was not until we first came here after 8 years of marriage and 3 DCs that I realised how it was and the shock of his change in behaviour.

When they get married the bride has to stand still like a statue for a whole day so she can be 'admired' like a piece of property (which she is), they give her toilet breaks though so it's all good!

Salmotrutta Tue 07-Aug-12 14:19:36

Sounds like hell on earth OP. How long do you have left?

Salmotrutta Tue 07-Aug-12 14:20:51

Two weeks! shock

AKMD Tue 07-Aug-12 14:21:06

OP, go home.

This is exactly why I did not marry an Italian man, although this sounds worse.

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 07-Aug-12 14:22:28

Two weeks!? shock Tell us where you are and we'll send in a mumsnet team to rescue you.

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