My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

OK, how would you respond to this - trivial child friendship issues!

7 replies

Jinsei · 27/06/2012 21:28

dd is 7, has good social skills and plenty of friends. I have always emphasised tolerance towards others, and she is naturally a very kind-hearted kid. I'm sure she has her moments, but she generally seems to get on well with everyone and doesn't often feel the need to be mean etc.

Anyway, two of her friends told her today that she and another friend were too "soft" to be cool. Apparently this means they are just too nice to other people. Hmm

Obviously, had a chat about how being cool wasn't really important etc., and how being mean to other people isn't cool in any case.

But the conversation has taken me right back to my own school when a certain group of girls thought they could elevate their own social status by being nasty to others. I remember so clearly that in those days, being bitchy was cool. :(

dd doesn't seem unduly bothered about the issue at present, but I know that the obsession with being "cool" is only going to get worse as they get older. What else can I say to her to prevent her from getting hurt by comments like this in the future, and how can I prevent her from getting sucked into this way of thinking and behaving?

OP posts:
Report
clinkclink · 27/06/2012 21:31

It doesn't sound like you need to say anything - she's not bothered, and there is no way you can second-guess what she will be hurt by in the future. I'd just agree that they were being silly and have done with it.

Report
Minshu · 27/06/2012 21:35

I don't know, but my DD is only 2.8 yo, and I already worry about this type of thing.

A little girl my DD knows from nursery was in a soft play I went to this morning. My DD was really pleased to see her, but apparently the other girl said that my DD wasn't her "friend". Made me :( but DD didn't seem unduly bothered.

Is all we can do be there for them when / if they do get bothered?

Report
Jinsei · 27/06/2012 21:54

Yes, maybe all we can do is be there for them. But I worry about whether she will even tell me any of this stuff if and when it happens. I never told my mum anything like that. In a funny kind of way, I think I was trying to protect her from it.

When I was at school, it wasn't cool to be clever, it wasn't cool to be well behaved and it wasn't cool to be nice to the kids who weren't cool. I really struggled with this as a kid, so perhaps I'm projecting. Thankfully, dd is way more confident than I ever was.

I'm not going to say anything else on this occasion - don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Just looking for some good ideas I guess about how to respond next time.

OP posts:
Report
Shelly32 · 27/06/2012 21:56

My girls are also young (2.5) and Minshu, I share your fear about them being hurt by friends' comments in the future. However, I teach 11-18 yr old and have seen some amazingly confident and nice students, both male and female. My top set Yr8s are a mixed bunch with regard to 'coolness'. They all seem to respect one another, support one another and get on well. I'd say half of these kids would be classed by your daughter's friends as 'soft' yet they seem to have an air of confidence and strength about them that I hope that I can foster in my girls. It sounds like your DD isn't too fussed about their comments and neither should she be. It sounds like you've done an amazing job of bringing her up to be a good person and it probably hurts you mor ethan her to hear such silly comments.

Report
Shelly32 · 27/06/2012 21:58

lol Great teacher ..no paragraphs and missing letters. Sorry, v.v. tired !

Report
Jinsei · 27/06/2012 22:04

shelly, you're off duty, so we're not checking! Grin

It's reassuring to hear about your experiences of older children. DD is thankfully very confident, so I can only hope that will carry her through.

I am just so dreading the teenage years. I wish they could keep their childhood innocence forever!

OP posts:
Report
Shelly32 · 27/06/2012 22:16

Me too! Kids do grow up way too quickly these days. A crystal ball would be nice so that we could look into the future for our kids and make sure we steer them away from the (bigger) pitfalls!
Again, going back to some of the kids I teach..they are a credit to their parents. I'm thinking that I have a good ten years to try and find out what it is they are doing right!!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.