to feel so guilty

[thedailymailhatesme]

Over the last few months I've started to feel more and more guilty about my life. I read too much bloody Daily Mail, and I know I shouldn't, but it's gotten to the point where even when I know I shouldn't feel guilty I do.

I am on certain benefits. I have been disabled since I was a child, and although at 18 I tried to get a job and go into Higher Education, I had to leave both because of my health. Over the last 8 years I've tried on several occasions to go back to part time work; I even started my own business, which I kept going for 8 months, because I so wanted to work but every time I've ended up getting really ill, ending up in hospital and having to stop. I currently volunteer one morning a week, so I can contribute to society in some way and have no plans to stop, but even that is hard some weeks, because I'm so exhausted all the time.

I've always felt bad about getting benefits but over the last year there has been so much in the press about scroungers that I find it almost unbearable. It's really silly because I know that if I was healthy I would be working, and I know if I look at my disabled friends I feel that of course it's absolutely right that society supports them, but still I can't get rid of this feeling.

Recently aunt and uncle bought a holiday apartment out in Spain, and they've offered me the chance to go out for 1 month this year. Just about my whole life, bar the odd day here and there, is spent in one room, in bed, not really seeing anyone, and of course out in Spain my lifestyle would be exactly the same, but I still feel guilty about going. Because of course, as I keep reading, there are so many people who work 102 hours a week and go without meals so their children can eat and they've never been abroad in their lives, etc. etc., and I think 'why should I as a benefit scrounger get to go?' I feel the same too about things like days out. Like sometimes I go shopping and even then I think 'why should I have any disposable income left at all to buy something nice for myself?' Anything I do I think I'm just scrounging off society. I feel guilty for having any fun at all, ever.

Typing all this out I can see I shouldn't feel guilty. I don't have children or a partner, or the chance to have a career, life is in many ways one huge struggle every day. (though with lots of good in it too thanks to friends/family) I can't see that most people would begrudge me having fun once in a while. But it is still so hard to shake off the guilt. I want to say 'David Cameron, IDS, Daily Mail......this is what you've reduced me to and you're all bastards.'

[ViviPru]

The only thing you have to feel guilty about is reading the Daily Fail.

We're all just doing the best we can. Give yourself a break.

[SPsFanjoLovesBrokenBiscuits]

Go to Spain and enjoy it!

Don't feel guilty. Fuck the daily mail and its festering shit of articles.

[redwhiteandblueeyedsusan]

you are not a benefit scrounger. you are ill. benefits exist for people who can not work for genuine reasons, be that inability to get work through health, or just lack of jobs.

[Quenelle]

Please don't let them make you feel guilty. You sound like a good person. I hope you have a good time in Spain.

[Mrsjay]

dont read the daily mail , I have been disabled from birth and tbh it isnt easy especially on the work front I havnt worked since I was 22 i have tried going back and it just didnt work out , go on holiday and relax

[Northernexile]

Please go and relax and enjoy yourself. Being in the sun for a few weeks will be lovely, don't pass up the opportunity. And stop reading the 'Fail!

[RubyFakeNails]

You are not a benefit counter though. You are a deserving person. Through no fault of your own you can't work, therefore the state supports you.

Scroungers are people who, by definition, scrounge. They are those who are avoiding work by choice not incapacity. You have nothing to feel guilty for. I think it's admirable that you are concerned about other people but realistically if this is your situation, where you don't think you will ever be able to work you need to accept it and hopefully make the best if it.

We only get one chance, and I cant imagine circumsances when you look back you will ever regret that month you spent in Spain. Make the most of the things you do have. Yes I work hard and it's tough but when I think about I recognise I'm lucky to be able to do the things I do. You have to find the positive side and use the opportunities you get. People are going to keep 'scrounging' and other will keep needing to work very hard regardless of you so just enjoy the pleasures you can.

[CrikeyOHare]

The benefits system was set up specifically to help people like you...and I don't know a single tax payer who would begrudge you a penny. I know I wouldn't/don't. You therefore have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Doesn't mean we shouldn't all be concerned about the way the system is being abused - although it's nowhere near as bad as the Daily Mail make out. Clearly there are some people playing the system, and this means there is less money for those who do actually need it - and that's unnacceptable.

Have a nice holiday :)

[Ephiny]

It doesn't sound like you have anything to feel guilty about. It's not your fault you have health problems and can't work as much as you otherwise would, and yes situations like yours are exactly why benefits should and do exist.

Go, and have a lovely relaxing time in Spain, and don't even think of feeling guilty about it!

[TroublesomeEx]

Good grief - go!

Read Crikey's post again.

And stop reading the DM...

[MissFaversam]

Yes OP stop reading that stupid ruddy newspaper, In fact stop reading all ruddy stupid newspapers.

If you don't want to go I'll take your place

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

David Cameron et al cannot reduce you to anything unless you allow them to. You would help yourself if you stop referring to yourself as a benefit scrounger and instead refer to yourself as a charity volunteer. The latter sounds like it would actually be accurate.

You have nothing to feel guilty for, you only take what our society wants you to have.

[thedailymailhatesme]

Thank you so much, your replies are so helpful. Sorry to have not come back to this till now; have been sleeping all day.

I'm going to print this out and keep it somewhere because it has really helped lessen my guilt. (although of course I do feel very bad having gone anywhere near the Daily Fail) I think my biggest issue feels like it's about going away on holiday, but I do also carry this feeling around with me every day when I do little things too; it feels ever present. I keep thinking about what I'd say to anyone else in my boat, but it doesn't necessarily get rid of that gut feeling.

I think the sad thing is there are probably lots of people out there who feel like me thanks to the current rhetoric in the press about scroungers and because although I have a legitimate condition, it's the kind of illness that people can be very dismissive of and having had years of 'you'd be alright if you just saw a psychiatrist' or 'you'd be alright if you got a job and made an effort' from people, I have a lot of thoughts of 'well I'm not even legitimately ill' when of course I am.

Right, am off to look into holiday plans. Not 100% sure I'm well enough to do the travelling, but hopefully I'll get there and will enjoy myself.

Thank you again, it has meant an awful lot that people have said what they've said.