AIBU in feeling second best?

[thevicky]

Hi Chaps,

Maybe I'm being silly, maybe this is just the culmination of lots of little things, I don't know. Would be good to get your thoughts on the prob below.

A few years ago my husband wasn't happy in his career and wanted to retrain as a doctor and I supported him through this, both emotionally and financially. This was really tough but we always thought things would get better when he started working.

He's now qualified, working but, generally broke as he has loans to repay, plus junior doctors don't earn a great deal. As a result, I had to go back to work full time after just six months when our son was born last year.

Things are still tough and I do spend alot of time budgeting to make ends meet, buying all of our son's clothes, toys etc and making sure he has everything he needs. This means we don't really go out much but I haven't minded until now as I know things will get better.

Today I found out that a couple of weeks ago he and his friends went for a a pal's Birthday and had a slap up meal at Gaucho Grill - not alot of change from £100 a head. I remember him rolling in at 4am, but he said they'd just been to the pub then back to a friend's house.

Considering on my birthday this year he was too broke to buy me a present, and I had to give him money a couple of weeks ago because he was broke, I feel a bit duped. I guess this is the final straw as I've been feeling a bit let down for a while now. I'm beginning to wonder if I've been a bit of a fool and that my son and I are never going to come first for this guy.

If this is the case, I don't even know how I'd broach the subject, I'm so used to just letting things go these days, and he's so good at making me feel guilty. Would be good to get some other perspectives on this.

Over to you guys...

[lovebunny]

i had a husband, long ago. he and his mates chartered a small jet to go for a night out on the mainland...

we split up eventually. sooner would have been better than later.

[lovebunny]

daughter and i were wearing two cardigans and living in a freezing house, using birthday money from my parents to buy 'return' christmas presents, i had one pair of shoes... at the time. i wasn't just begrudging him a good night out.

[thevicky]

thanks lovebunny, that does help put things into perspective x

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

Is this just the latest in a line of things?

If its a one off and he's good in lots of other ways, I'd let it go as one of thise things where he felt obliged to go along with the crowd and didn't want to 'lose face' in front of friends.

If he doesn't help with the budgeting or with anything else, or if he doesnt show he cares about you and his child in other ways, then you might be wise to start thinking about what life would be like without him.

[Socknickingpixie]

i used to have a husband who despite working full time and earning twice as much as me (at the time) was far to skint to chip in even so much as a fiver a week towards any bills, but was quite happy to piss £150 up the wall for a night out that he did twice a week, golf club membership and twice yearly lads holidays. hes no longer my husband.im glad that 14 stone of useless leaching flesh got dropped to the curb

[holyfishnets]

Have you told him how you feel about his lavish night out and tight birthday behavior? The fact you have returned to work early to make ends meet when really you wanted to be with you baby longer is a very important thing. He is really taking the piss. He could have just met the men for a drink post meal rather than have the full works. I'm hoping this is just a blip and something you can work through.