Not sure what to do about sister

[The3Bears]

I went out with my ds, dp and mum at weekend to a shopping centre and for lunch, as soon as we were in the car we had my sister ringing my mum asking where she was so my mum told her. Dp was messing on phone while we were shopping and sister had put a comment on fb about some people having it easy. We knew it was aimed at us so dp who had been working all week and Saturday tagged himself shopping and having dinner at nandos (never normally comments on fb bt thought why not if she likes to make comments about us etc) a little childish behaviour on my dp's part but tbh we were both fuming about her putting this on earlier.
Anyway fastforward to coming home and sister rings my mum complaining that she has been stuck in all day etc and then talks about us going out and how it wasnt fair. I text her asking what was going on, and have had abuse non stop since then with things like this: you make me feel bad for not being able to get my children nice things and do things with my children, why should you shop at john lewis etc when I shop at primark! (seriously) I rub it in her face whatever I get and all i talk about is what i buy, I shouldnt shop where I shop as I should be as skint as her and her friend who was with her at the time etc etc.

So I was v annoyed and said what right did she have to say what we do or spend our money on, I have never once rubbed in what I buy currently pg with dc2 so past couple of months i've shown baby bits we've got just in excitment not in a show off way iyswim.

It's carried on and we are currently not talking, i've been v upset about it but tbh now im more angry at what right does anyone have to say the things she said to me her sister, AIBU? Im really not understanding how someone can attack someone for taking their child out and browsing in shops and im not really sure what to do next. Why would I want someone like that in my life that makes me feel guilty for doing anything and talks about me like that.

Sorry rant over now but v angry and emotional about it all.

[Shutupanddrive]

I would just ignore her tbh, if she wants to sulk then let her

[joanofarchitrave]

Hide your sister's posts on Facebook.

[WorraLiberty]

Yeah but no but yeah but no but....Lauren said to Chelsea that her and Gemma were well lezzing it up at the school disco just for attention but you know that Lauren is just like sooooooo stirry?

FFS you all sound about 13yrs old.

[thatisall]

take a deep breath. There is often rivalry between siblings. Even if you don't feel it towards her, she clearly feels it towards you. Rather than address how she feels about her life and her relationship with your Mum, its easier to compare herself to you and begrudge you things. I'd bet she hates herself for it and loves you very much. Rise above it. x

[Molehillmountain]

She is being childish but is feeling sore about not feeling/being able to go out and spend. Yanbu but I would take it that money is a sore point at the moment and do what you can to minimise opportunities to discuss shopping and purchases, even though you're well within your rights to do so. And, fwiw, I'd apologise to my sister for upsetting her. Not because she's in the right but because a relationship with your sister is worth a lot and people end up estranged over less. But just to reiterate, yanbu but have a golden opportunity to be the bigger, more empathetic person here.

[Oppsididitagain]

often when people get narkey there can be several different versions of the same thing, people often see the same thing from just there perspective this can lead to being upsett when its not required or to upsetting someone when it wasnt ment.

YANBU but perhaps are taking it to much to heart when you dont need to, try to not react to it as it will just stress you out

[The3Bears]

Yes im trying to be the bigger person and have said I would have rather her just come to me and talk about it than all this pathetic business and bringing up alot of rubbish, money is a sore point for her but not because she doesnt get enough more because she is silly with it in alot of debt etc I will be more considerate in the future though

worra yes I agree, and my post does look like that didnt really have any other way of putting it though and my sister is v immature but then again so was dp, just looking for some advice not to be criticised.

[The3Bears]

Thank you oppsi I have just left it for now, i have taken alot of it to heart but I am always like that. Just going to let it all calm down and see what happens I dont want to fall out over something so petty but at the same time dont want to be talked about like that by my sister.

[WorraLiberty]

Well sorry but the only advice I can give is to drop her from Facebook and let the childish behaviour rise about you both.

She says you rub her face in it because you shop in better places than her....you say you don't rub her face in it.

No-one here will truly know which one of you has a point (maybe you both do) but one thing is for sure and that's you need to let it wash over you or you'll spend your life being angry about it/her.

[The3Bears]

thatisall I think your right she is constantly saying to my mum how she is treated differently when she isnt, so I just feel as if she is taking it all out on me and causing a bigger problem but I invited my mum so she could get out for the day as she doesnt get out much and I would have brought my sister too but she has 5 children and we could obviously not take them all.

[The3Bears]

worra I have told dp to remove her from facebook now, im not on it and dp just has his long distance relatives and a few work friends on it so he has done now, it's just causing friction over nothing.
Yes i have been very angry and I dont like feeling like this, Mabye your right about not knowing which one is right but i dont deserve to be told what I can and cant do with my money, i thought the fact she brought up where we shop was irrelevant as I dont go shopping with her and buy alot of things in front of her etc. Just going to keep quiet and see what happens.

[MCos]

Just say 'oh yeah, sorry, that is tough for you, isn't it.' very sympathetically, then let it go. It is totally her problem, not yours.

Such a comment is likely to piss her off, but REALLY, she has to get over herself.

5 children will wreck the best of budgets. She will wreck her head if she constantly compares your budget to hers.

Meanwhile, don't get your blood pressure up worrying too much about this. She is envious, but that is her problem, don't make it your problem.

Not worth getting angry over. Just accept that she is feeling envious/jealous, and feel sorry for her.

[manicbmc]

Ffs what a cow! My brothers both have loads more than me. They work hard, have no kids. I would never begrudge them their lovely holidays, even though I have never had one. If she can't be happy for your good fortune then she's very immature.

[lydiamama]

YANVU at all, but as PP have said, raise above it, and do not break your relationship for that. Maybe she is struggling these days more than normal? Have a little chat with her over a tea and if she is not coping financially encourage her to do something about it, get a degree, a better job, just hold her hand and say you are there to support her in bettering herself and her life. Maybe she felt left out too, maybe she would have liked to be invited? You are completely in your right to be upset, just let your feelings rest, and get in contact with her when you feel calm.

[featherbag]

My brother threw a similar strop recently, I totally understand where you're coming from and YANBU at all! My brother actually earns more than me, and we're both married with 1 child. As we get no benefits at all and my SIL gets WTC/CTC (not sure which) on top of her PT wages, our family incomes are roughly equal. However we live in a much nicer house/area (rented, we haven't managed to save enough for a deposit yet), have a car, usually have a holiday each year, etc.etc. The ONLY difference is that DH and I neither smoke nor gamble - DB and SIL's fags bill alone must come to £100pw! Yet when I pointed this out recently, having grown totally fed up of 'your perfect life' comments, DB put the phone down on me :S

[nailak]

maybe she was upset noone invited her on family day out? i have seen threads like that before...

[coppertop]

Agree with Nailak.

Your sister would probably post something like:

"I saw on my BIL's FB page that he, my sister, their ds and my mum have all gone out together again. As usual no-one bothered to invite me. She says it's because we wouldn't fit in their car but if someone had bothered to invite me I might have been able to make my own arrangements to get there. AIBU to feel hurt by this?"

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Worra... Would you be a dear and get out of my head, pretty please?

[Trioofprinces]

Very tricky, yes at first sight it may appear childish worra but I imagine it is deep seated. My DSis is financially a lot worse off than me, largely because of life choices she has made, and to be fair DH and I have worked bloody hard to get where we are but have also has luck go along with us. Never been given a penny by others though.

She has always had a chip on her shoulder about how my life is 'easy' and hers is 'hard'. Not only money but most other things too, she is divorced but happily with someone for 9yrs ish now but I am still married so life must be easy for me because I didn't get divorced (let's not mention her affair shall we??). Her bf cannot have children so they have adopted but it must have been easy for me as I've got 2 children (let's forget I had fertility treatment shall we?). We go on nice foreign holidays and she goes on less glam holidays, let's forget we prioritise holidays and don't waste money left right and centre on trivial things then).

I think once people have a viewpoint which results in a chip on the shoulder they tend to stick to that thought pattern. I don't flaunt our money in front of my sister at all, so much so that we're currently keeping quiet about the most fantastic holiday we've booked for a big occasion next year. We hide things we've bought and ask my parents not to mention it as it's easier not to go through the whole thing.

Several years ago I tried to explain to her that at that time we had the same disposable income, as she as her DP were carefree and we had childcare to pay, maintenance for DSDs wtc wtc. Despite the black and white facts she wouldn't believe it, after all I only worked part time so surely we were rich ( had 2 pre-schoolers at the time!)

At the end of the day it's not your fault you're better off and as long as you don't flaunt it YANBU.