To think my family are rotten sods?!!

[3cutedarlings]

So so fed up!! just want a rant really, i know im not BU!

Just had a text from my Mother asking we're going to my cousins Jubilee party tomorrow! i knew nothing about it we've not been invited.

In fairness i dont see much of my extended family, well any of my family really. We we're very close at one point but over the years we have drifted, but dont lots of families? I live the opposite side of town to most of my family so the rest of them do see more of each other and they get together quite often, which im fine about.

I was chatting with my Sister on the phone last week, she's getting married next year in greece. I asked who else in the family was going, i mentioned our cousin and my sister she said she was seeing her (the cousin) next Tues so was going to have a chat with her then. Of course i thought nothing of it at the time, till the text from my mum!, so sister is invited along with my mother! but not me and my DH and DC!! . I know for a fact that if my Mum is invited then so are the other aunts/uncles/cousins ect!

I feel like a bloody outcast! i dont know why she has done this!! my DC are a handful, my eldest has ASD and my youngest has a hearing impairment caused by severe glues ear, speech delay and behavioural problems! i think that's why she hasnt invited us!. Its upset me so much, we don't get invited to much anyway, but i never thought my family would be like this How fucking dare she?? and whats more how fucking dare my sister not mention it? why would she and my mum want to go to a party that we hadn't been invited to?.

My Sisters wedding next year is probably going to cost us a fortune, 2 adults and 3 kids for even just a week in Greece is going to cost a fortune. Finding that money isnt going to be easy!! we will have to really tighten our belts and miss out on lots of other things, to be able to go. Im now thinking why the fuck should we? she doesnt give a shit about us anyway!! she cant do!. Do i really want to scimp and scrape go without to spend time with these people?.

Sorry this has turned into an epic rant, i feel like childishly just turning up!! but what would that achieve? .

[lalaland3008]

Depends why they didn't invite you.

I've got loads of cousins plus a brother and sister and we don't all get invited equally. It just depends who has been speaking to who more lately and none of us would think to mention it to the others.

[SleepingDogz]

do your kids play up to the detriment of everyone else?

[HappyCamel]

But did your mum and sister know you weren't invited? They may have assumed you were. Do you ever invite everyone over to yours?

[redskyatnight]

I'm not sure why you are so upset about not being invited to something by people you are not close to and who don't normally invite you to things.

If you'd like to go by all means ring up your cousin, say that you heard she was having a party and is would it be ok for you to come too?

Your sister's wedding is about your sister and not extended family members you might see there. So unless you have issues particularly with your sister (and as you are on chatting terms, I am guessing not) it would be very mean not to go.

[Sparklyblue]

I'm really sorry. Families can be really rotten. My family are the same :(

[LolaThePregnantFlyola]

You sound childish too.


Do you make an effort with your cousin?, sister went to see her for lunch.... sister got an invite.

Your sisters wedding is your sisters wedding, nothing to do with your cousins street party, why should your sister not go because you wasn't invited... maybe if cousin said 'im not inviting her shes an arse' id get it, but why should she miss out.

maybe she likes your mum and sister more, maybe it has sod all tou do with your children who are a handful.

You sound rather ridiculous.

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

It's not your sister's fault your cousin hasn't invited you. You're getting cousins not asking you to her party and your sister's forthcoming wedding all mixed in together - why would your cousin not asking you to a party put you off going to your sister's wedding? By all means, if you can't afford it, tell her, but to make it out to be her own fault because of something someone else did, is VU. There could be hundreds of reasons why your cousin hasn't invited you - phone her up and ask her...

[monkeymoma]

you sound really childish, "everyone invited" family dos are nice, but its also nice to meet up in smaller groups. Its not even a big event and you don't even sound that friendly with that cousin?

you do sound childish

[HMQueenElizabeth]

I'm really not sure why you are angry with your mum or your sister, or what your sister's wedding has to do with any of this.

Do you make any effort with your cousin at all? When was the last time you invites your cousin to anything?

[MyRoyalLentillyness]

It may be that they just can't cope with your DC being 'a handful'. It's sad that they have SN but not everyone can see past that - they may only see the behavioural issues which have, let's face it, the potential to ruin any social occasion.

[Oppsididitagain]

You are perfectly entitled to feel however you want about anything you want, if you should express it is a totally different matter,

I personally wouldn't be offended by a none invite however I don't invite my family to mine practicalities make it hard for that sort of thing

I do know my friends like to check with me befor they send an invite incase it's something my ds1 can't cope with or I would find differcult (we both have aspergers) but that's being conciderate to include us but on our terms iykwim because if we are only invited to things we don't do it can be hard to socialise and be included

[thebody]

If u want relationships with people you have to make the effort to maintain them.

You said yourself you didn't with your cousins so what's your beef.??

Your sisters wedding is different as she's close to you as you chat.

If we are invited to a 'do' I would think it was very bad manners to quiz the hostess on who else was attending and I suspect your mum and sister feel the same.

Do you think it's a bit childish to expect to be invited just because your mum and sister are going??? Do you invite your cousin to your house?

[SleepingDogz]

they may only see the behavioural issues which have, let's face it, the potential to ruin any social occasion.

absolutely. the last thing you want while hosting a happy, fun bbq/party is kids throwing strops, causing mayhem and running riot

[monkeymoma]

ultimately, it does NOT sound like you want to be invited because you'ld like to see said cousin for a catch up
you just want to be invited cause other people are
think about it!

[3cutedarlings]

We're not actually a big family lalalandthere are only 4 cousins, basically all are invited, just not us!.

Yes sleepingdogz My kids can play up at the detriment of others, but that would be our detriment not the rest of the family ive never expected any of them to help parent my children (so to speak) i take them away and calm them down, if they dont calm down then we go home!. So that we dont spoil others fun!

redsky We are close (ish) we all get together at special birthdays, xmas, try and have a family picnic over summer ect ect. Im not sure what you mean by the comment of being mean tbh! My sister will have known we wasnt invited and thats why she didnt mention it! it we wasnt the only one's not invited then i would think nothing of it, but was are the only one's....!

happycamel No i dont often invite everyone around, maybe i do need to make more effort, its not easy tho, my 2 of my 3 DC need an awful lot of attention, its hard to find the energy.

[Dprince]

So your sister and mum who make the effort to see her get invited, but you didn't. Imo the fact that you're related does not mean automatic invitations.

[Dprince]

And using this as an excuse not to go to your sisters wedding in childish. What did she do? If you don't want to go, don't go. You don't need to find reasons. You are complaining that your not invited to a party, but considering not going to your sister wedding over something your cousin has done. Do you do this sort of thing alot. Its possible your kids don't have anything to do with it.

[3cutedarlings]

sleepingdoz did i mention that my DC would be throwing strops, causing mayhem and running riot??? no i didnt did i? my daughter has a disability!!! she's not just some spoilt brat!! what an awful comment!! FFS we cant have the kids with SNs spoiling all the NT fun now can we??

We are a small family, everyone is invited expect us, but thats okay is it?

[HMQueenElizabeth]

How do you know EVERYONE is invited... Until today you didn't know the party was happening or that you Mum and Sister had been invited.

If everyone turns out to be invited, ask your cousin to tell you honestly why you weren't, if she says it's because of your SN children then she's being an arse. If its because you haven't and dot make any effort with her, then fair enough!

[JoanOfNark]

Maybe they just don't like you. After all, you don't seem to like them.

[FormerlyTitledUntidy]

Maybe you're not invited as you don't seem to be very easy going? You're getting incredibly wound up over something you don't know the full details to...
You're using something your cousin has done as a reason not to go to your sister's wedding- very childish.
You said in your op that you have drifted, but in last post, you say you are close, picnics and xmas... Maybe your cousin is as unclear towards your relationship as you?
If you don't invite anyone to yours as it's too much trouble, why should they ask you?
Of course irl you could be a lovely accomadating person, but you are unwilling to be told you ABU

[Petsinmyroyalpudenda]

You don't sound very enthusiastic about the wedding and spending time with them, perhaps they have picked up on that?

Invite them round and make more of an effort if you want to be closer.

[monkeymoma]

maybe the don't like you

but maybe its not personal at all:
If you are the kind of person they never hear from between weddings and christenings and funerals, then they probably JUST DON'T THINK about you inbetween if they're having something less formal

I have some cousins I only see at formal dos, then they have siblings that I get the odd text from. meet for coffee sometimes, hear from on facebook or skype etc. I don't dislike the ones I don't hear from, I think of them if I'm having a wedding or christening, but if I'm having something informal like a birthday lunch I JUST DON'T THINK OF THEM because I haven't heard from them since I or they got married

You sound like a formal do kind of rellie, not a rellie that is also a bit of a friend, so why do you expect matey invites to less formal dos?

[HRH2shoesofMn]

sorry your family are treating you like this.
even worse if it is because of your childs disability.
we expect family to make allowances and they should end of, so can understand how hurt you feel if you think that is the reason.

[cantspel]

why should someone you are not close to and dont see alot of invite you to a party?

If you want to be part of their social life then you have to make the effort to be involved in their lives all the time not just when there is a party that you would like an invite to.