to refuse to go to this party

[Convict224]

I have a shite relationship with my DH of 29 years. So bad in fact we divorced 11 years ago but never actually got around to separating. I couldn't be arsed and he wanted to try again. Yeah, I know.....
Anyway all through the years he often would refuse to go to parties, citing some lame last minute excuse like work, migraine, United are playing and he'll come after final whistle, etc. I have regularly attended bbqs, parties, dinner parties on my own knowing he wasn't going to turn up but always hoping he would. Two years ago we were invited to a friend's daughter's wedding which meant an overnight stay in a hotel. The day before he said he couldn't come as he had to go into work that day and he pretty much didn't fancy going as he knew no one. So I went on my own, lied that he had the flu and spent most of the day on my own receiving the odd pitying glances. I was pretty miserable...again...and had an awful day. I told him that that was the last time.
Fast forward to today and he announces that his family are having a reunion of all the first cousins and spouses/partners in his generation (big Irish family, shed loads of cousins) and he had confirmed our attendance.
I told him to feck off and go on his own. He is enraged. AIBU?

[manicbmc]

No - not unreasonable. You don't want to go. You haven't made up so shitty excuse (like he does).

Stay home, enjoy the peace.

Why are you with him?

[Whoneedssleepanyway]

Good for you YANBU

[Sheena99]

You were honest and upfront, YANBU.

[SecondRow]

Does his family know you are divorced?

[TheSkiingGardener]

He's a hypocrite that you don't like. YANBU, but why on earth do you stick around?

[ben5]

Now he knows how you feel. He's old enough to go by himself. Enjoy your time at home with a glass of wine! Or tell him you are going to someones party and you didn't tell him about it as he never turns up!

[Convict224]

Why am I with him? Good question, I suppose I thought I was staying until both my ds had left school and then it became a sort of unhappy norm. We hardly talk, share few interests and have had no intimacy for 10 years, well not since I found a condom in his wallet 18 months after I had a hysterectomy.
He wants to appear as a good family man. I want him to pay the bills. I don't particularly want another man in my life, although if I met a nice one I may wish to take another view on that subject.

[PooshTun]

"So bad in fact we divorced 11 years ago but never actually got around to separating".

You are divorced so stop whinging about how he isn't behaving like a proper partner. And what is with this divorced but still living together business? Assuming that I have read your post correctly, it is a weird set up.

[Convict224]

I am not sure if his family know we are divorced. My family know and I guess that kind of news/gossip leaks out. I know he has blanked the divorce out of his mind (De Nile not the only river in Egypt ha)

I think I will suggest we sell the house and move on. I spend most of the time at my elderly Dad's anyway. Yup I think that's a plan.

[manicbmc]

Sounds best. Then you can get on and enjoy your life without this miserable bugger.

[Ithinkitsjustme]

It does sound like it's time for you to move on. You are not happy, and it sounds like he's not happy either. Remember that you don't need his permission to sell the house or leave. In fact you could be really mean and announce it at his family reunion! [evil grin]

[ToryLovell]

YANBU but I do agree you deserve to have a better life than this

[Convict224]

Sorry Pooshtun, I didn't mean to offend you by my whinging.

[PooshTun]

I'm not offended. I am by nature a 'define the problem, now how do I fix it?' kind of person. I don't easily empathise with those who are aware of the problem but are merely after support. Upon reflection I was a bit harsh in my comments and for that I apologise.

[Bubbaluv]

How would a separation work so long after your divorce settlement? Have you been working and contributing financially or will he be able to claim a larger proportion of the house etc? Confusing!!