To be annoyed with a neighbour who says my dd's alleged stomping in the morning is making her sick?(141 Posts)
A new neighbour moved in to a downstairs flat about two weeks ago. Four days in she comes upstairs to say she can hear noises in the morning. I said ok we will try to keep it down. Then we got a letter from the building management saying her landlady has complained. Her email was a list of "transgressions" the tenant started taking 48 hours after moving in! We have since ordered carpets and underlay and are waiting delivery. This evening we got another visit from the tenant who says she is sleep deprived because our dd wakes her up! She is now very sick and dizzy and suggested we 'disciplined' or 'incentivise' our dd to not wake up early. AIBU to now completely lose it? Help. What do I do?
P.s. we have beautiful parquet floor ..... That we are in the process of covering up and we don't wear shoes in the flat.
P.p.s dd isn't a noisy kid. Previous neighbours never complained about her.
not sure of the legal aspects but surely if you are living in a ground floor flat you should expect some noise? what time is you're DD waking up, is it unreasonably early, if its 7 or after i don't think it is, unless she's banging a drum or something at that time?
maybe you could suggest she moves into a bungalow?
Dd wakes up at 6.30. We all have to to get to school and work on time. (iur neighours upstairs wake up at the same time and we know cos we hear them!) The tenant has some illness and she is using that to beat us over the head with. I want to be kind and nice but that ran out by visit number 3. Must stay calm but I am getting very stressed and depressed over it.
The worst she can do is have it investigated by environmental health. She will struggle to prove noise levels are as bad as she says especially if you are taking steps to reduce the noise. She is being unreasonable IMO.
Buy some ear plugs and leave them on her door mat. Put carpet upside down on the bottom of some slippers for your daughter.
You sound like you are addressing the problem - ie underlay, carpets and everything. Surely that answers her problem. She can wait for the delivery, which shouldn't be too far away and all will be well.
Being under a hardwood (parquet type) floor is very noisy. This is why there are laws against this kind of flooring in flats. If your neighbour is ill anyway, then I could see how this could be highly irritating.
It sounds like you aren't terribly sympathetic about her illness, (what illness is it?) but the stress of this is making you stressed/depressed. So shouldn't you have some kind of empathy about it? Personally, my kids are noisy as hell in the morning, but I would move heaven and earth to try and make them be quiet before 8am to respect my neighbours rights.
6.30 is not one bit unreasonable for anyone to be waking up. She doesn't have a right to silence in her flat 24 hours a day.
My guess is she hears you and your DP as well as the DD but feels she can complain about the DD because she is a child -- some people have a pole up their arses about children and think they should be seen and not heard, just as others have a problem about barking dogs and will complain no matter how little your dog barks.
If she had an illness that was so severe that the stress of hearing other people getting up and out in the morning was going to give her insomnia and make her dizzy, then she really shouldn't have moved into a downstairs flat, should she. My guess is there is no illness, just extreme anxiety, nervousness, dislike of children or a controlling nature, or a combination of all of the above. She is trying it on imo.
Do you have a lease? Read it over.
I am surprised you've been able to have parquet flooring in your flat. As 1950 says there are usually laws against this in flats. Everything that is dropped or put down will be heard downstairs. Every scrape of a chair or slam of a door. There is no insulation at all.
Tell the lady when your carpet is arriving. It should all be a lot better for her after that.
In the meantime make sure you have felt pads on the bottom of furniture and get DD to play on a rug as much as possible.
1950'sHousewife If putting down carpet and underlay down isnt moving heaven and earth then i dont know what is???
I would be asking what time is she being woken up and what time does she consider ok for some noise? I think you will find some of this is due to her thinking 6:30 is tge middle of tge night.
There aren't any 'laws' saying that upper floor apartments are required to have carpeting, but it is often stated as one of the conditions of the leasehold. Saying that I suspect that only the building management could enforce the conditions.
I can tell you that it does make an amazing amount of difference. Our upstairs neighbours put down wooden flooring when they upgraded their flat and it made our flat almost unlivable in - you really could hear everything. However it only really became a problem when our neighbours let the flat and the new tenants wore shoes and were generally noisy. It made the flat quite a stressful place to live, and we sold up shortly after.
I think all the OP can do is tell her neighbour that the carpet is on it's way.
I cannot believe she had the nastiness to go to the ll 48 hours after moving in, and before trying to talk to you! Call environmental health
on yourself on Tuesday, see if they have any suggestions on what is reasonable for you to do. maybe they'll write her asking to back the fuck off
If she had an illness that was so severe that the stress of hearing other people getting up and out in the morning was going to give her insomnia and make her dizzy, then she really shouldn't have moved into a downstairs flat, should she.
I can't believe how unimaginative and nasty this sentitment is . Sil has severe MS and has to live in a downstairs flat (or a bungalow but they tend to be too big for her to manage) and I imagine there are plenty of other illnesses that combine mobility issues with others and such people may not be as understanding as a healthy person about the tendency of small children to make noise.
Of course, the woman can't expect silence from above when she lives in a downstairs flat, but a wooden floor is not going to help to it's good that the OP is covering that. It does sound as if the woman jumped straight to the top when speaking to the OP first would have been a better way to handle it.
Math I just can't believe your assumption that she has no illness and simply doesn't like children. Is it really so hard to believe that someone in a downstairs flat may have one of the lovely degenerative diseases available out there and might also be a little intolerant to others? Really??
YANBU as you're taking steps to properly insulate the floor, but I have some sympathy with her also. I live in a ground floor flat and when the baby upstairs was born I felt like I was getting up to do every night feed too, now she's a toddler it appears she's sprouted wooden feet! Sometimes, and this is nice, the 3 of them play chase up there! It's annoying but it's life, she'll grow up and stop stomping, one day, hopefully!
You can have wooden floors in a flat if the building is properly made. My last flat had wooden floors as did most of the flats in the building and you couldn't hear anything because the floors themselves were installed correctly.
That being said, it is good of you to buy carpet to help with the problem. I would ignore her until they go down. If she still complains then, ask her: -
1) what else she would like you to do
2) why she moved into a ground floor flat if she has problem with noise
3) what exactly is wrong with her.
Or, better yet, ignore her. You are allowed to live your life in your flat. The most she can do is call environmental health and I imagine they will not do anything.
She sounds like a loon. It is walking around ffs, not loud music til 3 am! How much sleep does this woman need if she needs to sleep when your young dd is awake! Jeez these people should live alone in the middle if nowhere. Wtf di they expect is they live in flats/ attached houses? If they can't bear hearing other people's day to day activities then they need to move somewhere where they have no neighbours!
You have my sympathies OP. there is no pleasing some people. Realhousewife is spot on.
She has the right to silence until 7am. Stop being so insensitive and get the carpet down.
Try telling that to a small child. My baby wakes up and cries at 6am whether I like it or not, and did the same throughout the night when younger. Luckily my neighbours have both had children so knew what it was like and told me I was being ridiculous when I tried to apologise about the noise. Her dd is daring to WALK ffs! I am guessing her dd goes to bed at 7 pm, so can't the neighbour just go to bed half an hour earlier until the carpet arrives? My new neighbour has parties that go on til 11am the next day. Now that is inconsiderate and excessive. The op's neighbour however needs to get a grip as the op is doing everything she can to reduce the "noise".
You can hear a fart, a cough or a sneeze through our walls. I also frequently her the neighbours light cord in the bathroom banging against the wall at night. This is just normal background noise and silence is impossible to achieve before 7 am. It doesn't make me ill.
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