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What should I do?

(184 Posts)
dowhatyouwant Tue 01-May-12 22:34:47

I hate my MIL more than anything in the world. She recently given my husband a jumper for his birthday present as usual. I felt extremely unpleasant to be toughed by the jumper when he hugged me. He would be very unhappy if I would be honestly - 'I dont want your clothes touches me because it's from your mum.' He's kept a big shiny present box. I dont know how he could leave it like that where I see often. He's not sorry to me? Speaking of the background about this, his mum gives her son-in-laws and daughter-in-law(me) spending half amount she pays for her son(my husband) and daughters.
I think it's very thoughtful as an adult person. So I ever told her how I felt about her treating her son and me differently and she doesnt give me any more birthdays present.

He knows I dont like his family and I dont see his family. It's good I dont need to see her any more but every year on his birthday it upsets me especially when his hugges me wearing clothes from his mum.

Do I need to speak to the counsellor? I may have to see a private counsellor as an appointment time through GP dosent fit me.

Selks Tue 01-May-12 23:10:16

Blimey, I would not expect to give my daughter in law a present of the same value as to my SON. ( I would still give her something nice though).
I think if you can build up so much resentment over a trivial non-issue like this then yes you do have issues and you should seek help.

WorraLiberty Tue 01-May-12 23:10:48

Are you pissed or is there another reason why you're typing like you are?

And yes, I have squizzed through your otherwise fairly literate posts.

RightFedUp Tue 01-May-12 23:10:52

That's an opinion not a rule. You seem to be deliberately seeking out reasons to hate your MIL. If someone told you to put your finger in a fire, would you do it? If you're going to hate her, just hate her - don't look for silly reasons.

And get some therapy.

SodThat Tue 01-May-12 23:10:56

you want therapy - over a jumper??
pmsl at the shoulders in march

dowhatyouwant Tue 01-May-12 23:12:20

Yes You got the point. I ever thought about this. I may have to this this way not to be upset.

Selks Tue 01-May-12 23:12:58

Maybe there is something around cultural differences with all this.....perhaps you have different expectations due to your culture or background compared to your MIL / DH??

Kladdkaka Tue 01-May-12 23:13:10

Ok. just one question, would you spend half for your daughter-in-law if your son is married? Have you not thought how would they feel?

If I thought they were working out the cost of what I bought them and comparing it to the value of something I bought someone else, I'd think they were grabby and selfish and, so I'd probably get them nothing and spend the money on someone I liked.

squeakytoy Tue 01-May-12 23:13:24

you are offended by jumpers and bare shoulders?

do you have children?

shaketastic Tue 01-May-12 23:13:28

I defo think you are drunk as you make no sense at all

kittyandthefontanelles Tue 01-May-12 23:16:24

You sound very greedy and irrational. Who thinks about other people's shoulders on their wedding day?

beansmum Tue 01-May-12 23:16:27

Been away from mumsnet for a while - it's threads like this that keep me coming back!

Apologies to the OP for trivialising your problem (whatever it is).

ifeelloved Tue 01-May-12 23:17:50

Have you actually read what some mil ate like? And you're getting pissed off and hating someone over a jumper and bare shoulders?

You mil doesn't have to give you anything, you sound very entitled and it looks as though you are looking for problems.

Unless there is stuff you're not telling us I feel very sorry for your mil.

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots Tue 01-May-12 23:18:17


MumPaula Tue 01-May-12 23:18:50

If all she has done is spend money on her kids, and wear a dress showing her shoulders at the wedding, then you need to see a therapist. What has she done that is so awful?

kittyandthefontanelles Tue 01-May-12 23:19:22

Maybe she should've worn one of the jumpers on your wedding day. They have shoulders in, traditionally. May I ask where you are from? As pp said this may be cultural.

Reesie Tue 01-May-12 23:24:22

You could ask your husband to pop off the jumper before huggies (he could put it back on afterwards?)

Can you get MIL a smaller present than your mum as payback?

Are you ok about DH as he is genetically 50% your MIL...?

Hullygully Tue 01-May-12 23:25:44

Presents are one thing

Bare shoulders in March are simply beyond the pale.

I'd have her taken out and shot - wearing the jumper

dowhatyouwant Tue 01-May-12 23:30:06

Reesie,I told my family not to give my husband any more birthday present because I dont get any now. Yes surprisingly, I love my husband except he displays his birthday card from his mum&dad where I see. I feel he forgot I dont like his mum and he dosent care how I feel when I see it.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 01-May-12 23:32:58

Leave the bastard.

boringnickname Tue 01-May-12 23:33:14



kali110 Tue 01-May-12 23:33:27

I think youre being unreasonable,ofcorse mil will spend more money on your husband,its her son.
As for the shoulder thing,i dont understand the deal

dowhatyouwant Tue 01-May-12 23:33:28

Hullygully, she was wearing something like a cocktail dress.

shaketastic Tue 01-May-12 23:33:39

Yes but it is still his mum, does that count for nothing to you as you do not like her?

tethersend Tue 01-May-12 23:33:57

I'm not sure about the thread, but I do have a sudden hankering for an off the shoulder jumper.

IvanaNap Tue 01-May-12 23:34:49

OP - talk to your husband. He may or may not understand and get rid of the jumper/s - and cards too now, I gather?

You guys - seriously, you're great at this stuff.
("free county, shoulders wise" grin )

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