I'm so crap at being assertive, it's embarrassing!

[footflapper]

Popped into tesco for a quick snack before starting my shopping (on a diet so was shaking with hunger). I had ds 2yo in his buggy. I've also got a bad injury to my arm, which makes it difficult to get out of peoples way.. I smashed my elbow in feb & also damaged the radial nerve, so my wrist and fingers have very limited movement.
Anyhow, this old fella had a pop at me for not getting out of his way! I replied 'I'm disabled SIR' & went on my way. Bumped into him 10 mins later so I asked him why he had a pop at me as I'm a complete stranger & I took my jacket off to show him my arm in the brace. He started having a pop again, I find it really hard to deal with people who refuse to listen.. My voice started getting louder, & I can't really remember what I was saying at this point, only that I called out to him as he was walking off, 'you old sod!'
Now sitting at home feeling very

[footflapper]

Oh, & I left my fiver change in the self service till

[squoosh]

I think you did a pretty good job at being assertive. You tackled him for being a rude old git, good for you. It's so easy to let your temper get the better of you in those situations although I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe it'll give him pause for thought.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You're assertive enough, you just don't have the script down. I used to be like that. Half an hour after the offence I could think of exactly the right put-down, worthy of Oscar Wilde. On the spot.. nothing.

Tip... take a moment to work out what you would have said to the grumpy old man if you'd had time to think. Keep this top of mind. Then, the next time you are accosted, you know what to say.

[footflapper]

I doubt it, his mind was set against 'ladies with their buggies'

[squoosh]

It is a universal truth that there are many gobshites in this world. It does no harm to point out a gobshite's gobshitedness once in a while.

[footflapper]

:) at the script!

[littlemslazybones]

But you were assertive and addressed his initial comment quickly and politely, without apologising for owning your own space.

I think it is funny that you attempted to crowbar an apology out of him ten mins later. Did you start with, "and another thing..."

Shouting, obviously, has nothing to do with being assertive. Because being assertive is about being in control and (often) shouting isn't.

[Bramshott]

I think it sounds like you WERE very assertive, but that you messed up on holding the moral high ground and not descending into personal insults. Next time try to practise something like "I'm sorry you feel like that. I don't agree, but clearly there's no more to be gained from contining the discussion".

[purpledragonfruit]

I think once you start shouting you have crossed from assertive to aggressive.

I sympathise though, I am like you, but improving.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Oh no... personal insults are the whole point!!!! Kept calm they are nicely embarrassing for the recipient. The day I was snarked at in a petrol station by some tosser in an open top sports-car I took great delight in walking over and telling him that he might think he's a big man picking on a woman on her own with a baby & showing off to his mates but the fact that he has to drive around in a penis substitute means we all know the real thing is pathetically small....

[Ilovedaintynuts]

Why did you go back for an apology?
Just move on when someone is rude. If it's appropriate tell them straight at the time but after that stewing about it is not helpful to anyone.

[Kladdkaka]

You were assertive. The problem is that you thought you could reason with stupid.

[theonlynonblonde]

@OP - that sounds very assertive to me! you probably just need to work on staying calm and maintaining the high ground that way.

Had to chuckle tho by you ending the conversation by yelling 'you old sod'. Priceless

[Mayisout]

At the time you are stressed and tense and blood supply is going to stressed tense body.

After the event blood flow returns to brain so you can think of what you should have said.

I have been advised to sit down and write out what you should have said then if the occasion arises again you will recall this and have a good response ready.

Tho haven't tried it yet.

[Floggingmolly]

You did fine with the original put down, but you lost face by returning for another go 10 minutes later. Why did you?
Next time, say what you need to and then maintain a dignified silence. Far more classy.

[candr]

That is more assertive than me. I would have taken coat off and walked past silently hoping he saw arm brace and felt bad about his outburst.

[footflapper]

Oh well, it's been a looong two months having to deal with other peoples impatience.
Also, whatever did he think when I started to take my coat off??