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vegan mum at kids party was rude?

(400 Posts)
DoozerDrift Sun 15-Apr-12 20:42:24

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!) grin

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

Metabilis3 Sun 15-Apr-12 20:56:34


BornToFolk Sun 15-Apr-12 20:57:06

Oh, and we all make choices about what we feed our children. My choice is that I won't feed DS meat and will ask others to do the same. If he decides to eat meat when he's older, of course he can. I won't buy or cook it though! He doesn't want to yet though.

Metabilis3 Sun 15-Apr-12 20:57:26

@Dozer ah, I see. You don't like Vegans.

lockets Sun 15-Apr-12 20:57:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoozerDrift Sun 15-Apr-12 20:59:42

Yes, I know we all inflict our beliefs. I suppose I just think being vegan is really extreme and giving her DC different food instead of the party cake is just mean to everyone. I asked her what she eats for cake at home and she said she can make a sponge cake. How? Without eggs?

Pippinintherain Sun 15-Apr-12 21:00:06

They are no more forcing being a vegetarian on the child than I am forcing meat eating on my child.

YABU, she was perfectley sensible.

sixlostmonkeys Sun 15-Apr-12 21:00:45

So it's ok to 'inflict' meat-eating on children but not to 'inflict' non-meat-eating??

To say you don't agree with children being brought up vegetarian or vegan is crackers. OK, we can all have an opinion, but please think this through. How would you react if I was to say it's my opinion that children shouldn't be brought up eating meat.

oh and Op yes, yabu

lockets Sun 15-Apr-12 21:01:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickleSarnie Sun 15-Apr-12 21:01:19

Yabu. Why on earth would anyone actually prefer vegan food to non-vegan food?!

Pippinintherain Sun 15-Apr-12 21:01:43

She probably thinks meat eating is extreme.

LydiaWickham Sun 15-Apr-12 21:02:06

Sooo, she knew in advance that there would be food her DCs couldn't have, had discussed with the host in advance to make it clear that she didn't expect the host to pay for alternatives and would bring her own - I think she handled that increadibly well, she made sure her DCs didn't go without treats, she avoided the host feeling like she had to provide vegan foods, she explained what she would do in advance so the host didn't feel 'on the spot' when she realised what she was providing couldn't be eaten by the vegan DCs (I'd have panicked at that point if I didn't know what the mum was planning on doing!), no one felt left out or embarrassed.

The only way she could avoided taking separate treats as far as I can see is to either make the host feed all the guests vegan food (now that would have been proper rude), or to tell her DCs they could stop being vegans for the day (bit insulting to her beliefs to think you can just give up for the day because it's someone's party), or she should stop her DCs going to parties. Which would you think would be best?

BornToFolk Sun 15-Apr-12 21:02:17

A whole page full of vegan cake

D0oinMeCleanin Sun 15-Apr-12 21:03:03

Why is mean to everyone? How? confused

MN is odd today.

Veganism is thought to be healthier than meat eating, no? Less saturated fat and by default more fruit and veg and more variety of fruit and veg, pulses etc. How awful that much is to inflict a healthy diet on her child.

Metabilis3 Sun 15-Apr-12 21:03:22

@Dozer better vegan than intolerant or ignorant though, eh? I don't do baking myself but I have recipe books with scores of vegan cake recipes. Just because you don't know how to do it, just because I don't know how to do it, doesn't mean it can't be done.

thenightsky Sun 15-Apr-12 21:03:38

Why you take such pleasure from thinking her kid will rebel and eat bacon sandwiches is beyond me. DS has been vegetarian all his life and wouldn't touch meat even now, at the age of 20 years. In fact he has become stricter as he's got older and informed himself.

ladyintheradiator Sun 15-Apr-12 21:03:48

You sound really rather sheltered tbh, I'm not saying that in a shitty way. It's just quite funny, to think that the idea of a cake without egg is so hard to imagine.

YABU but I guess you know that now... I'm sure her DC will get over it, as will the rest of them deprived of vegan goodies.

lockets Sun 15-Apr-12 21:04:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holidaywoe Sun 15-Apr-12 21:04:36

Of course they are inforcing being a vegetarian as they are not giving the option of eating meat and other animal products. At a young age children should have the opportunity to experience a variety of different tastes and textures(unless there is an allergy) This however is off topic from the original thread

Fedupateaster Sun 15-Apr-12 21:04:51

You can buy vegan egg replacer and with practice it makes lovely sponge cake. My eldest DC is allergic to egg, so I know how much practice you need

DoozerDrift Sun 15-Apr-12 21:04:59

OK, I sent a Facebook message to the hostess earlier thanking her for inviting DS to the party. I said I thought the vegan thing was odd. I've now received a reply and apparently she knew the DC were vegan and put vegan sweets in their party bags and the vegan mum did bring enough lollies to share if anyone else wanted one. To be fair, she (the hostess) doesn't seem bothered by it. I think they've known each other for a while.


I would still be annoyed if it happened at a party I was hosting though. I can see I'm clearly in the minority!

rainbowinthesky Sun 15-Apr-12 21:05:35

Yabu. I take dd food to parties and often the other children look with envy to what she is eating but she would much prefer to be able to eat the food they eat. She accepts she can't though just like to other children accept they arent going to get to eat her food.

Lostinroseland Sun 15-Apr-12 21:05:38

My dc is dairy intolerant. I take sandwiches/a little cake to most parties as I don't expect the hosts to cater for him.

I think you are being very unreasonable

libelulle Sun 15-Apr-12 21:05:43

Of course you're being unreasonable, and yes you can make a rather good cake without eggs or dairy, my dm made one for my dd for her birthday because she forgot that she was only allergic to dairy and not eggssmile I had a second helping.

Can I hijack for a moment? In response to previous comments re warning party organisers of dietary issues. I usually don't mention that my dd has a dairy allergy in advance of parties where I don't know the parents, because I don't want them to feel that they should go to any special trouble. I quietly bring alternative treats on the assumption that dd won't be able to eat the cake and some of the party foods. It's always seemed to me that it would be ruder to say 'dd is allergic to dairy, so cater for her please or why else would I be mentioning it' than just to make our own food arrangements, without fuss. AIBU?!

SuePurblyBusinesslike Sun 15-Apr-12 21:05:44

Mean to everyone <larfs> So you do want the inflicted vegan-tainted food then?
Carob for all! <scatters lollies>

lockets Sun 15-Apr-12 21:06:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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