There's something going on here, that we don't know about, isn't there.

[TattyDevine]

Grandmother-in-law is very ill with cancer, and has had a stroke. She lives 3 doors down from my mother in law. Mother in law has "moved in" to help care for her since the stroke which happened overnight/this morning.

Grandmother-in-law's son (mother in law's brother) has come to the locality to be with his mother at what might end up being the end of her life, or in any event is a serious health concern/setback

He can't stay with Grandmother in law as mother in law is (to care/help, despite living 3 doors down though overnight etc, fair enough).

Despite there being 3 bedrooms free at MIL's house (with FIL still there and being in the master bedroom) my mother in law has told her brother he can't stay at her house 3 doors away from his mother, and that he must get a hotel.

They have never got along terribly well but AIBU in thinking this is a very sad state of affairs and that there must be some major shizzle happening for MIL to shun him in this way? Have just overheard DH telling her off for being "inhospitable" and "creating unnecessary obstacles".

They have recently had us to stay (family of 4) and have their granddaughter to stay whenever she likes, so they are not adverse to guests...on their terms.

Of course it is their right to say no but AIBU in assuming there must be some major history that she would be so obstructive to her only brother/sibling at what is likely to be the end of her mother's life or am I just overly accomodating?

[redskyatnight]

If her mother only had her stroke this morning, I would imagine that MiL is still trying to get her head round it. And can totally understand her wanting some space without anyone (even if they were very close) else about. But most likely she is focused on her mum and not really thinking clearly about anything else at all.

[TattyDevine]

Yeah, perhaps. Is that what you would do? Bear in mind MIL is staying with her mother, and her brother is about anyway, except staying in a hotel, so he's about as much as he would otherwise be, except he's in a hotel instead of in her house, where she is not, 3 doors away...

[Hassled]

I would say yes, some major history. Unlikely that this is the time you'll find out what, exactly. I assume your DH knows nothing? Is this out of character for your MIL?

[TattyDevine]

Hassled - "is this out of character for your MIL"

NO.

I thought it was just me. But it isn't. God knows what goes through her head. She's not a bad person but there is this icy casing round the woman, not just reserved for me...

[TattyDevine]

Ah well, to be fair to MIL its not her duty to faciliate her brother's time with his mother. She happens to live 3 doors away. If she didn't, he'd have to find somewhere to stay anyway.

It just seems so...obstructive. Mainly because I know their house/situation and there are all those rooms empty...

[TattyDevine]

Just hacked off because my grandma has days to live (altzheimers, in drug induced coma, not being fed/drip etc) and DH's other grandma having op she might not recover from (cancer) and now this with other nana. We could lose our 3 remaining grandparents as a couple within days. And it just seems petty but to be honest its not really our business, just makes me sad.

Bet she never sees her brother again after the one link (nana) is gone...

[TattyDevine]

Sorry, just venting spleen

[Hassled]

All families are bloody bizarre, aren't they? All the little subtexts and layers of grudges and deceit - if your DH can't make her see sense then there's nothing you can do. Sad, though.

[TattyDevine]

Totally.

I love him so much for bloody saying it as it was, without being agressive or confrontational, but just saying it out loud.

[Sprogged]

You can't tell peoples pasts. Maybe he beat your mil when they were younger, maybe he split her up from what was the love of her life, maybe he humiliated her dreadfully for no reason, maybe they just don't get on, but there may be a perfectly valid reason she doesn't like him. Just because people are related to one another doesn't mean they're any more human to each other unfortunately, in fact quite the opposite sometimes

[skateboarder]

Tatty, do you think that if fil mother is so seriously ill too (if im understanding properly) them that is why mil and fil are not extending the arm of hospitality to the brother of mil?

[TattyDevine]

Possibly

Ah its all a bit crap really.