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To want a shag?

(56 Posts)
nosextoday Mon 12-Mar-12 21:58:20

I wanna shag sad

haven't had one since November. I am currently waiting for essure sterilisation but that might take a while because of waiting list. dh can't use a condom because he loses his erection and it comes off. Even after essure implant I have to wait 3-6 months for it to work.

I just want a good old shag. I just feel like doing it then going for the MAP.

I'm never going to get a shag again am I? hmm

Ambrosius Mon 12-Mar-12 22:05:04

Femidom? do they still make them? I've only ever seen one in sex ed at school but it might be worth it??? Or diaphragm and spermicide?

ComposHat Mon 12-Mar-12 22:07:18

dh can't use a condom because he loses his erection and it comes off

Condom and a splint?

nosextoday Mon 12-Mar-12 22:08:48

I've got some femidoms in the cupboard upstairs but I'm too scared to use them. They look like bin bags grin

would lolly sticks do for a splint?

fallenpetal Mon 12-Mar-12 22:09:54

Well the MAP isnt as bad as it was reportedly years ago - I had it 18months ish ago and just had a heavy period 2 weeks later.

I can understand your frustration, its been 16months ......... a long long long 16 months sad

LOL!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn Mon 12-Mar-12 22:10:16

get a large cucumber or root vegetable of your choice and get DH to ah, do the business with it, you'll hardly be able to tell the difference if it's been so long!

PurpleRomanesco Mon 12-Mar-12 22:13:21

Help if you microwave it for 20 seconds Pom, Get it to body temperature.

nosextoday Mon 12-Mar-12 22:14:02

16 months? shock

we only have the remains of a small cucumber in the fridge. I have some pasta and carrots.

I don't care if the MAP turns me into a green pixie I just want a shag. I'm married ffs I should be able to have a shag. It's not fair.

PurpleRomanesco Mon 12-Mar-12 22:22:54

What about other kinds of sex? Oral?

fallenpetal Mon 12-Mar-12 22:24:37

Yes ...16 months but then I am single and choose not to just aherm well go get fucked lol

WhiteTrash Mon 12-Mar-12 22:27:30

Up the bum.

Iheartpasties Mon 12-Mar-12 22:33:23

yes, up the bum. chop chop get to it.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn Mon 12-Mar-12 22:35:49

But the cold can be exciting! And it might go mushy in the microwave...

HedleyLamarr Mon 12-Mar-12 22:52:21

Why can't he have the snip? He can have it under a local, it takes 10 minutes and it works. And it's less dangerous than a hysterectomy.

Flanelle Mon 12-Mar-12 22:54:33

Bum sex is grisly. Like having a poo backwards.

nosextoday Mon 12-Mar-12 22:55:50

He won't have the snip.

Don't want bum sex shock

It has to be in the proper place. A proper jolly good shag grin

WorraLiberty Mon 12-Mar-12 22:57:29

Condom and a splint?

Compos grin grin

pictish Mon 12-Mar-12 22:59:35

Mine had the snip.
Spent the whole of our relationship thus far being responsible for the contraception. All that stuff that makes you fatter and crazy--er--.
We were done having kids so I we decided it was his turn to shoulder it.

Simple pimple. Was fine. He's not bothered.

Pmsl @ everyone

akaemmafrost Mon 12-Mar-12 23:01:56

I took the MAP within four hours of unprotected sex and got pregnant. I would never rely on it again, do a search on here and you will find many similar stories.

Just saying.....

If I were you I'd get a diaphragm fitted.

BareBums Mon 12-Mar-12 23:05:52

Why didn't you go on the pill in the meantime of get the injection?

Can't believe how many MNers are into root vegetable sex! shock dirty mares

Cucumber you say.... <sneaks off> grin

Freshlettice Mon 12-Mar-12 23:07:07

Don't forget to peel the cuc first. Much slippier grin

PurpleRomanesco Mon 12-Mar-12 23:08:21

And it might go mushy

Story of my life... sad

grin

nosextoday Mon 12-Mar-12 23:18:34

I can't do hormonal contraception because of weight gain and depression. I can't afford for my moods to go haywire or anything. I have had MAP in the past and coped okay with that but constant hormonal contraception isn't an option. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it.

BareBums Tue 13-Mar-12 00:21:33

Pssst <whispers> or sneak off to find something shaped like a cucumber wink

grin

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