My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To wish my SIL would accept i haven't got a job

41 replies

binweevils · 08/03/2012 12:50

My SIL is about to have her 1st baby. She is due to go back to work after a year. She has quite a stressful job with long hours, but a big salary as has her husband.
When i had my 1st dc we lived in a different country, so i wasn't working. When we came back to the UK, i got pregnant with my 2nd dc almost straight away, so never got a job. Throughout this time SIL made it clear that she would never give up work, and frequently asked when i was going back to work.
Now both dc have started school but there have been large cut backs in my old profession since i had my dc. I do not want to work full time, and jobs are scarce. The type of job i could get would barely cover the cost of buying and running a 2nd car and paying for before and after school club and i love being able to take them to school and be at home after school.
DH love our lives. More money would be nice, but not essential.
SIL knows all above, but now goes on and on about me not having a job, and she will use a child minder why can't i. I find her quite intimidating, but wish i could think of something to say to shut her up.

OP posts:
Report
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/03/2012 12:52

Just tell her to fuck off and mind her own business...that should shut her up. She sounds a bit jealous to be honest!

Report
LizzieMo · 08/03/2012 12:52

'It's great that you want to work, but our arrangement works for us thanks'.
Then change the subject.

Report
WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 12:52

How about "Piss off and mind your own business"?

Simple but effective I think

Report
lumpymash · 08/03/2012 12:56

Just tell her to stop being so bloody rude. It's none of her business if you're a SAHM/Housewife or anything else for that matter! Does she quiz you on how much your DH earns and how you could possibly get by without you working also?

I know a few people like this.

Why do people find it so hard to keep their nose out?

Report
babygsmummy · 08/03/2012 12:56

I was made redundant on the 22nd of feb,always worked never claimed and Im pregnant with my first child,I have seen my sil 3 times since said event,which is alot for me and she has made 12 comments about me being on the dole..........next time she does it Im going to tell her to shut up,I think sil's are just put on this earth to make our lives hellish.imo.

sorry no advice unless you follow what Im going to do and tell her to mind her own buisness.

Report
imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:56

As above- including how nice it will be to be there for all your babies milestones

Report
Mumsyblouse · 08/03/2012 12:59

Don't get all defensive or start going on about milestones, just smile and say 'we are happy with what we are doing'. She obviously isn't which is why she goes on and on about it.

Report
Anniegetyourgun · 08/03/2012 12:59

Why is it so important to her that you should be in paid employment? Is she hoping to borrow money from you?

Report
YorkshirePrincess · 08/03/2012 13:01

She's not even had her own child yet, how the hell does she know she'll even want to go back to work?
A friend of mine was the main breadwinner but after having her kids she couldn't bear to go back. Her husband agreed so they sold one car and stopped the 3 holidays abroad each year. Never been happier!

Tell her to piss off!

Report
Tee2072 · 08/03/2012 13:03

There's always the MN stand by "Do you mean to be so rude?"

Report
kerala · 08/03/2012 13:07

I had this from a man at a wedding. God it was annoying must be very tedious having a family member you have to see regularly with this attitude. He kept saying "but you are a lawyer you will be wasting your talents".. funnily enough the legal world has managed to survive my absence... Its very galling when others say to you things you would never in a million years be rude enough to say to them and you have to suck it up because you are polite and a better person.

Report
belgo · 08/03/2012 13:13

I wonder if she would feel the same if she had to go back to work after three months (like they do here in Belgium) or 6/7 weeks in some countries?

A year's maternity leave is fantastic, but unfortunately is not the norm in all countries.

Report
Honeydragon · 08/03/2012 13:16

My SiL is a bit like this now dd is two. Being a SAHM wasn't an easy decision to make but I am really enjoying it, and ds really likes having me around too.

However my Dh handled the last "when are you going to start looking for a job" comment brilliantly. He simply turned around and said

"When I unleash her from the kitchen sink manacles Mwah ha ha ha ha!!!!!!"
Grin

It dawned on her I think then that dh and I are actually a unit

Report
DeWe · 08/03/2012 13:20

Wait and see. The number of people I have seen who have said "I won't be able to wait until I get back to work at 6month" and then phone up in tears at the last possible moment and say they won't be returning, and vica versa.

Report
BarbarianMum · 08/03/2012 13:20

Agree with above. Choose a phrase ('we are happy with what we are doing' is great but it can be anything really) and use it as a conversation stopper every time she starts to harp. Do not get drawn in to any discussion. A simple 'no' will do if she asks if you miss work etc. Then change the subject, or leave a stony silence.

Honestly, after a few repetitions this works on the thickest of hides. It even works on my (generally lovely) mother.

Report
theincredibequeenofwands · 08/03/2012 13:20

Next time she mentions it laugh and say:

"Blimey, don't you go ON?"

If there's someone else in the room look at them, laugh and say:

"Blimey, doesn't she go ON? How many times has she mentioned it now?"

She'll feel stupid. She'll stop.

She's doing it now because she feels superior. Take that feeling away from her.

Report
FatherHankTree · 08/03/2012 13:22

Agree with Queenofwands, being told to butt out, but done with a laugh, works wonders.

Report
InsomniaQueen · 08/03/2012 13:24

Fully agree with the others - if you can manage how you are, why stress yourself about going back to work when the job market is so difficult!!

I would tell her to mind her own business - more than that she shouldn't comment until she gets there. I'm pg with my first and despite previously being adamant I would go back to work after DC's, the treatment I've had from my workplace during my pregnancy has made me totally question my loyalty to them and what is really important in my life.

Your decision not to work is no better or worse than her decision to go back to work - it really bugs me that women get down on each other about these things. Everyone has different circumstances and should be allowed to pursue what makes them happy - as long as your DC's are fed and cared for it doesn't really matter.

Best of luck with it all!!

Report
dollymixtures · 08/03/2012 13:24

It would irritate the hell out of me too. But its her first child and as others have said who knows how she'll feel? She sounds extremely defensive, maybe actually she'd like to stay at home but feels she has backed herself into a corner?

I think my response would be "This obviously really bothers you, are you worried about going back to work?" If she still goes on then you need to say straight "Your choices aren't my choices."

Or if you're evil you could just give her a spectacularly patronising smile and say "Oh, you'll feel differently when baby's finally here." Grin

Report
binweevils · 08/03/2012 13:25

Thanks for the reassuring replies. It can be quite belittling when she goes on about what she is going to do. She almost revels in how hard her life is but is very much 'my way or no way'. She also makes comments to dh about how she will parent differently to him (she will be much stricter apparently, even though both my dc behave pretty well). Even though both her and her husband are high earners (combined income must be 75% more than ours), she makes out she is poor. She revels in the fact that she hasn't bought a thing for her baby as it has been given to her by friends. All in all she is highly irritating.

OP posts:
Report
randommoment · 08/03/2012 13:29

I wonder if she's being defensive because a piece of her would love to be a SAHM, but she can't admit that now as she's spent the last god knows how long banging on about never doing it.

Report
Rezolution · 08/03/2012 13:32

She sounds a lot like my sister in law. Just cut down the number of times you see her. Keep contact to a minimum and that way you will be less stressed.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

belgo · 08/03/2012 13:34

I don't think she is defensive, and I don't think she secretly wants to be a SAHM.

She is expecting her first child, is looking forward to a whole year's maternity leave, and has the prospect of a very good well paid job to go back to at the end of that year.

Not many of us have that, I certainly didn't.

She is feeling very very smug.

Report
mum2twoloudbabies · 08/03/2012 13:35

Well binweevils she has a mighty shock coming. Just pray you are there when her perfectly brought up child Hmm has a major tantrum sits on the floor and refuses to do it her way! As they all do. You won't have to wait too long I'm sure.

Report
BarbarianMum · 08/03/2012 13:36


Oh bless her!

We all think this - before we have children. I can remember thinking that no way would my toddlers interrupt every conversation every couple of minutes with clamors for attention. I was sooo innocent Grin.
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.