To think this mum was rude in quizzing me over a play date I hosted yesterday

[Goldenbear]

Yesterday my DS (4) had a friend from school around to play. It was organised last week but to be frank I felt she was very pushy about it. I wasn't very keen for a few reasons, we live a 40 minute walk from the school and a 10 minute drive not in traffic but about 25 minutes in rush hour. The parents don't own a car but they do drive and belong to a city car club. The car for this club is parked outside their house. I have a 10 month old so really did not want to drop the friend back in rush hour as I knew it would take about an hour and that my DD baby would fall to sleep at 6ish.

Last week the mother of DS's friend just assumed I would drop him back and said, 'what time will you be dropping him back?'. I was a bit taken aback and explained about DD thinking she might get the hint and say she would of course pick him up. She only has the one child and her partner comes home every day at 5.30 so either one could have come over in the car club car or a cab. Anyway, she didn't get the hint and I didn't want to be miserable about it in front of the boys so I said about 6.

Fast forward to the playdate. I spent most of my time in the kitchen with DD so the boys could get on with playing. They seemed to have a good time, then it was dinner and they had blackcurrant juice with it. We have cream carpets which were here before we moved in, I asked them to be careful with the juice but not using a scrict tone. Anyway, I went to fetch the food and came back through, DS's friend was sitting on the table moving a truck toy about and in doing so knocked over the black currant juice. I rushed to clear it up and said, 'don't worry accidents happen.' but he wasn't worried, upset, in fact he was laughing about it, spreading it around the table with his hand and said it was like purple wee dripping through the bench.

After school today DS's friend's mum asked me how I think the playdate went. I said, 'good', as I thought that it was fine. I then asked the 2 boys and TBH I thought they'd agree but her DS said that he didn't enjoy it. They ran off to play on the school field and then she brought up the blackcurrant spillage. I said what happened and that my DS said in a jokey tone that his daddy would be cross if his friend deliberately made it worse but as I said above, the friend appeared to like his messy play! He was happy, laughing. The mother seemed to think he was traumatised by the whole thing. She called him over, got me to explain that I was fine about the accident and told my DS off for scaring him with the Dad comment.

Bearing in mind she manipulated the play date at mine in that she said she would like to have my DS around to play and then said her son would like to go to mine and directly asked, 'when can you have him next week? Also, bear in mind the presumption that I would drop him back in rush hour, am I reasonable in feeling that she was rude to scrutinise the events of the playdate?

Neither did he thank me when I dropped him off. She told him to and he still wouldn't!

[ifeelloved]

Well you've learnt a valuable lesson. Don't be railroaded into soon something you don't want to do and our house, your rules. I would not have been happy to have the child spreading any kind of spillage all over the place and I certainly wouldnt have Apologies about what you did in your house to the other child's mum.

You have years of play dates ahead of you. You'd better grow a pair

[crystalglasses]

Hmm difficult if your ds and the other child are best friends. I would just say you live too far away from each other tio make it a regular occurrance and that the other woman will have to do the collecting and dropping off as you can't. Tell your ds that it's too far for you to go. Most children understand that. Best friendships don't usually last long at that age anyway.

[BerryCheesecake]

YANBU about his mum, she sounds very pushy! Next time make it clrar they will need to collect... You don't want to become known as the mum who always drops home! YANBU to not want to travel through London rush hour but if you're not in London, rush hour probably isn't so much of a problem so there is a small chance YABU! :o

[Goldenbear]

Yes, your right, I have needed to grow a pair my whole life! I'm getting better with age.

My son is not best friends with him in fact he was sad about him saying that he did not enjoy the playdate and said he was rude. This woman has wanted them to be best friends but my DS doesn't have that allegiance to anyone yet.

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

Personally I think YABU about the car issue - you should have been firmer and more clear about the issue you had and insisted that she pick up her DS.

With the juice - to be honest, I think she was probably checking her DS story. You don't know what her son has said to her and if she was concerned then she was right to question you imo.

And if a 4 year old didn't thank me for a play date, I wouldn't think anything of it - he's 4!

All part of learning the playdate scene I think. She does sound a little overbearing, so you would have to be firmer with her in future.

[Goldenbear]

It is not London, but it is an hour to hers and back at this time. Think, 'London by the Sea'.

[savoycabbage]

I think she is being cheeky to expect you to bring him home. Usually it's the other way around in my experience.

I wouldn't give children blackcurrant juice if I was worried about my carpets.

My eight year old is a spiller but my five year old is not. My oldest is a lovely, kind and careful girl. But she is a spiller.

The boy might have been worried about your ds saying that his dad would be cross. He might just not have shown it.

Just tell the other mother that you don't want to drive her boy home. She sounds like a pain in the bum and she is trying to push you around.

Write down and or practice what you are going to say.

[calypso2008]

Unbelievable! I would be so upset, as you are OP.
Firstly UANBU and secondly, there is the problem that crystalglasses raises of the boy being Ds's best friend. Otherwise, I would tell this woman where to go. Certainly no more pandering to her.

[CuriousMama]

Oh dear am so glad this is all in the past for me. Will you have to take him over to hers for a playdate any time soon?

[CreamolaFoamless]

At mine it has always been if someone comes to ours, the parents bring them then collect them and vice versa when mine have gone to play at others

I think that is quite normal and good manners

It should never be an ordeal though!

Maybe the other child was nervous at the spillage but didn't get upset about it until in the saftey of his own home???

[Bunbaker]

"but if you're not in London, rush hour probably isn't so much of a problem"

Ooh, you shouldn't have said that - waits for the floodgates to open.

The rush hour in any major city can be just as bad.

[cornsilkalala]

she was very very rude

[Goldenbear]

boys, I thought that with playdates it was a given that you pick your child up.

I don't think it's polite to mention such a trivial thing to a mum that has had your child over to play.

I think the lack of thanks was the icing on the cake as i wouldn't normally care.

[BerryCheesecake]

Bunbaker - I am a country girl and live in a small village do you could say my opinion is somewhat inaccurate :o

[Bunbaker]

I'll let you off then. I used to work in Leeds and now work in Sheffield. Rush hour in both cities is gruesome. The M1 is at a standstill northbound every morning from just south of Wakefield.

[abbierhodes]

Berrycheesecake, there are places in between London and the middle of nowhere you know! What a ridiculously ignorant comment!

[Cherriesarelovely]

She sounds absolutely dreadful. Your DS was absolutely right to say that his dad wouldn't like it if the child made the mess worse. What is wrong with saying that? Why on earth didn't the mother just say to him "well, yes obviously it was an accident but you shouldn't have been adding to it" he is easily old enough to accept that. If I were her I would have been apologetic about the carpet. I'm afraid that would put me off having him round for a very long time.

[Kellamity]

Wow how rude! But you do have to be more direct about these things as the playmates are bound to increase!

If you don't want a playmate say no, first time it feels awkward but you get used to it. I also have the same problem with late journeys and small children and so I make it very clear I can't drop off, if it's an issue we rearrange for the weekend. Good luck

[Cherriesarelovely]

My DD once had a little boy over to play when they were about 7. When it was time to go his mum called him downstairs and he turned to me and said "that was the most boring, rubbish afternoon of my life, I was completely bored" to which his mother just said "Oh....you!" I ignored her, bent down to him and said "what an extremely rude thing to say, you have upset both me and DD" Needless to say he never came again....not that he would have wanted to by the sounds of it!

[Goldenbear]

I don't have anything against 'spillers', I think my DS was surprised as was I about him sitting next to his dinner on the table and then moving the juice around with his hands. I didn't say anything but my DS did. He may have been nervous but the spreading of the juice suggested otherwise.

[QOD]

I want to know what a city club car is!!


And yeah, just say no and remember the mums net mantra .......


"no is a complete sentence"

[savoycabbage]

OP might live in LA or Melbourne. London is not the only city.

[Goldenbear]

TBH, the mum likes him to go on playdates I think she think it will help him settle in. Good on her at being so proactive but I know a few of the mums who she has asked to have him and they all say that he is sweet but perhaps a bit over confident and bossy. My DS fell out with him yesterday as he kept telling him the function of every toy DS owned, what games they could play. My DS went to his with me the very first week of school but we only staged an hour as he wouldn't let him play with any of his toys. Plus he sees everything as a competition, even walking on a wall and has pulled my DS to the floor a couple of times, from a wall because my DS has climbed up on to it ahead of him and he sees him as beating him. When he comes out of football practice he says he is the best in front of all the parents. I appreciate that he's obviously that way inclined but his mum seems to think he is a shy, sweet thing who is struggling, a victim. I think she felt that was the case in this scenario. However, I am seriously sleep deprived so maybe sensitive to her complaints st the moment.

[CreamolaFoamless]

perhaps then the boys mum/dad are a bit 'Monica' and you are abit 'Joey' and the 4 year old couldn't believe you weren't angry so played with the mess ala Racheal from friends style

[Goldenbear]

City Car club is a club that allows you to hire a car (if free), on an hourly basis. They are parked all around the city and you return them to their original spot. You can book online. The mum in question is a member and has one outside her front door.