To think all men are basically pervs?

[mrsluvvaluvva]

Hi there

Felt compelled to ask this as just lately I have really been seeing men in a different light when in social settings. Perhaps I am just getting old and grumpy or reading something that isn't there.

I have been to a few parties recently and have been really conscious of men eyeing up very young almost tartily dressed teenagers. These girls were dressed very glamorously but waay too old for their age. I saw a couple of girls probably aged 16/17 and a couple over 18's, but not by much.

What I found worrying was middle aged men blatently eyeing them up and more worrying men in my group of friends/family. Men old enough to be their dad's. Not necessarily gawping but craftily staring when they could. Now I'm talking not just about a pretty girl but proper tarted up, hot pants the lot.

It made me feel quite sick to see middle aged men perving like this, so am I being unreasonable here to think even nice guys are secret pervs and although they may not be happy with their daughters dressed up like that, they will happily ogle others?

[ripsishere]

I think you are TBH. My DH is 50 something, he certainly doesn't ogle young women.

[MoreBeta]

Older women never look at younger men of course.

For example, I have never seen threads on MN where middle aged housewives drool over young male actors. Not once. Never.

[ComposHat]

Now I'm talking not just about a pretty girl but proper tarted up, hot pants the lot.

Blimey, are you going to parties at the Playboy Mansion or something?

[ripsishere]

[mrsluvvaluvva]

I totally DO ogle younger men! Not 17 or 18 year olds though. And its one thing to notice an attractive person and maybe even comment, but to stare?

If I saw a young attractive man I may look but I would doubt I'd then give it a second thought. These men were focused on one specific provacatively dressed. Girl.

[DinahMoHum]

yeah i think a fair few men would "admire" women dressed up like that. Doesnt mean theyd do anything about it, in the same way that i have to keep telling myself off for noticing the hot young students outside the college. Pretty boys, but no way would i actually go near them.

[ChickensHaveNoLips]

YABU. All people with eyes like looking at other pretty young people. Entire industries are made out of this phenomenon (advertising, music, film etc). Unless they are drooling/rubbing their thighs while gurning/touching, then I think it's just, you know, looking.

[MoreBeta]

Maybe these middle aged men were looking at these girls and thinking 'I wouldn't let my daughter go out dressed like that!

Of course, they wouldn't ever say it out loud because women should be able to wear what they like these days.

[fabwoman]

YABU and a bit of anm idiot tbh.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I think we have a bored journo or two on MN today, weird threads left, right and centre.

[mrsluvvaluvva]

Oh lol at playboy mansion.

One party had a girl dressed in miniscule hotpants(no one else even dressed in anything close to this )the other was a wedding. Girl in normal dress but very very tarted up-ie TOWIE style

[YonWhaleFish]

Unless they are drooling/rubbing their thighs while gurning/touching

Brilliant!

YABU, they're not all pervs.

[YankNCock]

My DH (who is 35 so not exactly middle aged yet) would be looking and thinking 'what on earth is she wearing? That looks awful. Her parents shouldn't have let her out dressed like that'.

[EdithWeston]

"even nice guys are secret pervs and although they may not be happy with their daughters dressed up like that, they will happily ogle others?"

Ever wondered why they aren't happy with their DDs dressed like that? Yes, of course it's normal to look (and as pointed out above, it's not unique to men). Some manage to do it discreetly, lots don't; and IME it's less hidden from those who are no longer in the target group IYSWIM, so it may become more spottable as you age.

[Pagwatch]

You are well informed about what she was wearing. Were you perving looking very closely.

Yabu. So much so I am going to put this in my big book of desperate stereotyping.

[JeffTracy]

No, of course not. What an unpleasant suggestion.

By the way, what are you wearing right now OP?

[minimisschief]

of course they oggle women of all ages. It doesn't make them perverted or peadophiles.

There was a documentary once where they stuck cameras on peoples eyes and tracked their eye movements. subconsciously men were checking out every woman around them in the breast/arse area and the women checked out every guys package.

none of them knew they were doing it.

it is part of our nature and cannot be controlled. men and women are hardwired to find attractive and compatable mates like all animals.

[Labootin]

Yes you are being totally unreasonable to claim that half of the planet are perverts

Sociopaths are generally 3% of the population. ( according to MN statistics..not verified)

Your op should quote the above number not all men.

HTH

[sunshineandbooks]

It's normal to look and like. It's respectful to do so discreetly. It's horrible to openly lech and fawn. If they're all in the latter category, I'd suggest getting a new social circle. None of the men in my circle behave like that.

Women ogling men is not a true comparison. It never has quite the same impact because women generally cannot threaten men in the same way men can threaten women - there's no risk of rape, as a rule the ability to physically overpower isn't there, and there isn't a long back culture of men being women's property to treat as they see fit.

[mrsluvvaluvva]

Ok looks like I am unreasonable then. I am surprised at the responses so far.

I guess its because its very different with teenage boys, they can't make themselves look older so a 16 year old boy dressed in jeans at a party would actually probably look 16. Therefore, a 40 year old woman would see him as a kid. Yes she may eye up a 25 year old but its not the same.

A 16 year old girl in hot pants, hair extensions etc is made up to look much older. Hence the older men eyeing them up.

The thing is I saw plenty of very attractive women in 20's 30's 40's and 50's but none of the men focused on them. Which just makes me think blokes , no matter what they might actually claim to like, when it comes to it, they just bunch old pervs!

[Labootin]

Sociopaths are probably the worst case example .. Perhaps add on a few per cent for good measure

Hth

[NarkedPuffin]

Sorry, I'm confused. Are you being judgemental about men or about 'tarted up' teenage girls? Or both?

[NarkedPuffin]

Ah, missed your last post. So both then.

[Labootin]

I perv at my pool boy ....

I am a bad bad person.

[SardineQueen]

Erm

Well, some men will ogle young women, and will ogle them no matter what they are wearing quite frankly. I am surprised that this is news to you, presumably you were once a teenage girl yourself.

And

Of course not all men ogle teenagers and of course not all men are pervs

If there is an attractive young person or someone wearing clothing which is extreme in some way then people do tend to look at them, even stare. There is a difference between looking / staring and ogling / leering though.