Am I a psycho bitch to be eagerly awaiting pregnant know-it-all 'friend' to experience the challenges of motherhood firsthand?

[professorsnape]

Said friend, well, more like an acquantance (we met through a mutual friend at work) called over a few times shortly after I had my DC.

She was, on more than one occasion, very bossy with my DD, age 3, constantly correcting her, telling her to sit on chair when eating, not to interrupt, etc, etc (in short, doing my job!) At the time, I didn't say anything as was in post-twins haze (DTs now 2 years old) and just feeling a bit vulnerable/post-natal.
I also remember on one occasion I mentioned that X twin was (at the time just to make conversation really) smilier than twin Y. This was followed by the comment 'well, you'd want to watch that in case you favour one over the other'. How patronising! It really p*ed me off at the time as I thought I was doing brilliantly well to be even entertaining people in my home what with newborn twins and toddler!! And all the 'are you finding time to read to them/do tummy time?,' etc etc comments...

Ok, so far mountain out of molehill stuff but I firmly believe it's a sensitive time after a baby and you remember these things.

I just always got an air of superiority/judgementalness about her, like she knew better than me. These people with their full night's sleep, perspective, armchair parenting.

I know part of the problem is that I need to let these things go. Am much happier now and things have settled down and am relaly enjoying the 3 DCs!!!

She's due her baby in a few weeks, I really am happy for her of course I am. However, she is SERIOUSLY planned, has been for months, has worked out all the sleeping arrangements/timetable for the baby (snigger), what toys/ bottles the baby will use.
But part of me is waiting to see how all her plans/ideals/judgements pan out among the chaos of a newborn.

Am I just a teeny weeny bit evil? Be honest

[Minshu]

She sounds like a bit of a pain. If you don't like her, don't spend time with her.

Neither of you will be missing much.

[SinicalSanta]

YANBU
I've a friend like that too.
Not that I wish hardship on her but a certain amount of hardship is inevitble with your first, no?

It's just annoying.

nobody would dream of telling a nurse or a lawyer how to do their job in the the most simplistic terms comined with a patronising manner, why is it ok to do so to a parent?

[raffle]

Let it go. You are assuming that her careful planning will all go to pot once the baby arrives. What if it doesn't? What if everything goes according to her plan, right down to the tiniest detail?

You will feel twice as furious. Let it go.

[BeaMinor]

Be warned: I had a friend who was like this and I wished a tiny bit that she'd get her comeuppance when her DD was born. Did she heck!
She has the loveliest, calmest, smiliest, best sleeping baby ever and actually I'm happy for her. Luckily she's more relaxed too and her parenting advice has ceased now she has her own baby and is good to spend time with again!

[WhiteTrash]

Time tables for the baby? How........ just, how?

[knowitallstrikesagain]

the sleeping arrangements/timetable for the baby (snigger)

Some children are easy and will do everything on a timetable. Sod's law says she will get one of these! However I think YABU to wish a hard time on anyone and should sever ties as you obviously don't like her and the way she makes you feel as if she does get an easy baby and copes well it is likely to piss you off even more...

[marriedinwhite]

Oh, I don't know. Before I had DS, I was going back to work when he was 3 months (full time!), he would sleep - darkened nursery, limited day time naps, he would be breast fed because it was best, he would have no sweets or juice or tinned baby food, there would be no baby talk, etc. Did it work out like that, did it heck as like. He's 17 now and I caught him having a fag in the garden at the weekend.

Give the girl a bit of slack - she thinks she knows it, she thinks she's right. Her place and earth are a long way apart and providing she hoovers humble pie on the way down bet she'll be a fantastic and empathetic mate in a few years.

[EvenBetter]

I'd love to see what she does when baby's first full body shit- nappy explosion happens. snigger

[fedupofnamechanging]

One of my bugbears is other people telling my child what to do, when I am in the room, so yanbu for being pissed off with her. I think you would feel better though, if you tackled her directly when she oversteps the mark, rather than feeling resentful after the incident.

She sounds like a right pita though and I'm with you in hoping she gets a baby which won't fit in with all her plans.

[endoflevelbaddy]

I have one of these friends, also wanted all the smugness and judgeyness about my birth / parenting to back fire a bit. It did. She admitted she will never judge another mum again by the time her DD hit 6 months. I wanted to say she should have heeded my advise that sadly the babies haven't often read the same parenting books we have in preparation, so not to put too much pressure on herself. I didn't. I thought it though. So I can only conclude you are not a pyscho bitch ;)

[nobodyspecial]

I doubt she'll be thinking of timetables on that dreaded third day.

[blackeyedsusan]

you have to stay in contact... we want updates!

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

If you are BU then I am too, I would feel exactly the same ....

[bsmirched]

I have a similar friend too - she's the last of our circle to have a baby and has, along the way, pissed us all off at various times with her "I know better" comments. She now has a 5 month old who is clinically obese, poor little mite and who has not slept through the night once. Shame.
(I should probably point out that she and I have other 'issues' beyond parenting so whilst I probably sound like a total bitch, I have my reasons!)

[ipanicked]

Sods law says she's almost certain to land the angel baby

But yeah I would totally be sniggering inside and have a few choice gf quotes up my sleeve just in case

Ps twin babies and a toddler? I crumbled with one baby and a toddler and fell apart if I had any visitors! I take my hat off to you!

[InSeine]

Bsmirched How do you have a clinically obese 5 month old? Do you just mean off the centile charts for weight/height?

[professorsnape]

Oooo thank you fellow posters, felt a bit guilty posting this but you don't forget these things at a time when you feel most vulnerable (although of course one should let it go as raffle pointed out, am trying!)

Thanks ipanicked, the toddler/twin thing is a challenge no matter what! I've likened the experience to some of extreme sport/climbing mount everest:)

Loved that story married in white We all did the 'my child will only eat pureed avocado please' but 3 children later have forgotten.....

Will definitely keep you updated blackeyed

Mostly I wish her well, was cathartic posting this. Of course it will make her more empathetic and wil give us a better connection

Still, it is also my bugbear karma people correcting my children - WTF? And why? I always just look the other way if any friends DC or nieces/nephews have tantrums - nothing to do with me!

[knowitallstrikesagain]

We all did the 'my child will only eat pureed avocado please' but 3 children later have forgotten.....

So you did the same! And when you were saying this, another seasoned veteran of parenting was thinking, 'just wait'.

Kudos on visitors with 3 young children in the house, but mad to take anything to heart said in the days of post birth haze!

So yes, you are a teeny bit evil but understandably so. Now let it go.

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

I am similarly 'hoping' that my Stepsister's PFB is as 'Terribly Two' as a two year old can be when he reaches that stage (he'll be one on Saturday). Pretty much just because last time we all met up my DS1 grabbed a toy from said PFB (ten months at the time, DS1 was 2.5 years old) and threw a ball-pit ball in his direction. I say 'in his direction' because it was redirected before it got near PFB. Anyway, my Stepsister phoned me a few days later and said that PFB wouldn't be spending time with DS1 again until he could 'defend himself better' and that she would be 'mortified' if PFB ever behaved this way..

Just you wait, thought I, just you wait.

So no, OP, I don't think YABU really.. Judgy, know-it-all parents really wind me up.

[Pornyissue]

Your not evil op, just normal.

Who the heck wouldn't wish a teeny bit of karma on someone so judge and unsupportive at such a vunreable time, especially as they have no experience what so ever! The sheer cheek of it!

[Icelollycraving]

Haven't you posted this before? I remember it last time,take it the mood hasn't changed then?

[rosie0000]

Heehee, totally understand. My SIL is expecting her first. I remember when DD was 8 months old, she came to stay. DC had to share a room to accommodate SIL and DD kept waking up in the night crying because she was unsettled. SIL threw a temper tantrum about not being able to sleep because of the baby crying. (I have many other stories of her intolerant behaviour towards my DC). So YANBU.

[rosie0000]

18 month

[PigletUnrepentant]

Don't hold your breath... the baby may hit teenage before realising about her own ways.

Now, you can nod knowingly and patronisingly every time she says baby does this or that and say: Don't they all do that??? (evil emoticon)

[plutocrap]

YABU to have had such a distant "friend, well, more like an acquaintance (we met through a mutual friend at work)" over at such a time.

Though she sounds likely to make the same mistake, so you will probably have a chance to see her when she's struggling, as her perfectionism will call for new-baby visits with cut flowers and fresh coffee... Poor, idiotic perfectionist.