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To think that the last couple of weeks of pregnancy should be spent at a Pregnancy Retreat...

(57 Posts)
SilentBoob Thu 09-Feb-12 15:06:27

where it is peaceful and clean, and no one puts on CBeebies, and there are whole rooms full of beanbags, and massive oversized white dressing gowns, and underfloor heating, and a team of chefs waiting to make you whatever random thing you decide you fancy, and clinking jugs of iced soft drinks, and no one ever, ever makes the whole place smell of fried eggs.

And hammocks in the garden, with cushions. And sweet fresh air. And benches with belly holes cut into them so you can lie on your front.

And you don't have to talk to ANYONE if you don't want to.

And there are entire back catalogues of sitcoms and every film you have ever heard of that you can watch any time you want and never be interrupted.

And a warm swimming pool to loaf around in. With a swim-up olive bar.

And optional yoga classes.

IsSamNormansDad Thu 09-Feb-12 15:08:19

Yanbu! smile

HettyKett Thu 09-Feb-12 15:08:58

YANBU. As long as we're all allowed one day a month there until DC leave home.

OhdearNigel Thu 09-Feb-12 15:09:32

sounds heavenly. Could it be a Mothers' retreat though, not just for pregnancy ? Because I am never going to have another pregnancy but I would very much like the swim up olive bar

Ciske Thu 09-Feb-12 15:09:57

YABU for leaving out the free massages.

Wrigglebum Thu 09-Feb-12 15:13:24

Yanbu. With the hammocks you'd need a buzzer so people can come to help you out of them when you want to get up. I say this from experience as someone who got stuck on the swing bench at 39 weeks pregnant!

They should also send people to your house to clean it before the baby arrives.

mrsjay Thu 09-Feb-12 15:14:45

Good luck getting in that Hammock though grin im not pregnant but i does sound blissful

SilentBoob Thu 09-Feb-12 15:15:25

And a therapy suite where you can get anything done you fancy - massages, beautician stuff, hair cuts, foot rubs...

theidsalright Thu 09-Feb-12 15:17:25


can we have a childminder too?

SilentBoob Thu 09-Feb-12 15:22:17

Yes to child minder. Strictly no children should ever set foot in the Pregnancy Sanctuary.

And there should be a sticker system - red sticker means 'please don't talk to me, I hate you, I hate you all, I don't want to be your friend' and green sticker means 'oh go on then we might as well have a moan together seeing as we're both here in the same boat'.

OnlyANinja Thu 09-Feb-12 15:31:14

I would like a red sticker green sticker system for my entire life please.

PoultryInMotion Thu 09-Feb-12 15:34:31

Sounds fabulous. If I book in at 38 weeks will I be able to stay the extra two weeks I'll inevitably go overdue? The one time I'll be wishing to go over!

Hairynigel Thu 09-Feb-12 15:35:45

You need to get this idea on dragons den!

littlemachine Thu 09-Feb-12 15:36:04

YANBU. As long as the underfloor heating is optional. I have never been as hot as in my last few weeks of pregnancy and it was December.
Also Gaviscon on tap. Literally coming out of taps. I would have appreciated that.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 09-Feb-12 15:36:55

I went three weeks over so I would get 5 weeks, hooray!

Some kind of warm, salt water plunge pool so I can float around like a manatee.

SilentBoob Thu 09-Feb-12 15:47:14

Good idea on the salt water, matinee floating pool.

And there would be Gaviscon waiters in leather aprons with shot glasses and bottles of Gaviscon only a hand wave away at all times.

MissPenteuth Thu 09-Feb-12 15:50:01


The first eight and a half three months of pregnancy should also be spent there.

McHappyPants2012 Thu 09-Feb-12 15:51:25

And anyone ask that dreaded question ( have you had the baby yet) to be evicted

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Thu 09-Feb-12 15:55:03

No, the whole pregnancy should be spent there.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Thu 09-Feb-12 15:55:43

And anyone who asks that dreaded question will be shot through the head.

dappply Thu 09-Feb-12 16:01:30

I 'm only coming if we are agreed there are to be no smells atall apart from the smell of fresh air.

And as long as there's optional gravity.

CarrieInAnotherTWOBabiTWINS Thu 09-Feb-12 16:02:48

oh that sounds lovely.

BurntWitch Thu 09-Feb-12 16:04:03

Lush idea x

dappply Thu 09-Feb-12 16:05:34

Intact just turn off the gravity and let people opt in if they like and turn gravity onto the level they feel comfortable with. I'm quite angry at gravity today

Could there also be a squad of adoring imaginary husbands who have immense empathy, gratitude and the raging horn form the pregnant form, eager to bestow care, love, orgasms, kisses and massages 24 hours a day

Ray81 Thu 09-Feb-12 16:06:48

YANBU. I would be there now, am 38 weeks and dying to be somewhere like this.

Ohhhhhh i could sleep whenever i wanted bliss.

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