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to wonder why we don't have sex?

(19 Posts)
Feckadeck Fri 27-Jan-12 01:08:55

Like at all. Been together 8 years - no DC as yet desperately want but waiting for the 'right time' not sure how it will happen given the no sex policy. First two years were fab sex hot n heavy (as it only is in those first few years!) Been married 2.5 years now and had sex only 6 times in those years....what's wrong with us?! Boohoo. I expect things to slow down but not complete to a complete halt. We are both have "careers" but not working crazy mad hours and we spend ALL our time together. We laugh, we hug, everything else is alright between us....expect the sex.

So AIBU to think we are fecking weird a little odd and to think we should be doing something to change the situation (have mentioned to DH a few times but he ignores and pretends there is no issue) blush

methsdrinker Fri 27-Jan-12 01:19:06

Wow that's once every 3 months on average! With no kids that's. Not really enough to get any kids either. How old are you guys. Is he ill? Pooh you need to go on holiday maybe and chill. 1 in 3 months is along time. Go and get a rabbit. He might join in if you do all the hard work first and if he doesn't you've got the rabbit

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 27-Jan-12 01:20:06

are you both happy?

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 27-Jan-12 01:21:02

...i mean are you both happy with the sex situation or is it bothering you?

Feckadeck Fri 27-Jan-12 01:22:52

It sounds even worse when it's put like that "once every 3 months" sad We are both in our late twenties both healthy though I have got massively fat in past year so not completely healthy! I thought about rabbit but somehow I have such a low sex drive now it doesn't seem worth it sad I have no idea what he thinks.

BadDayAtTheOrifice Fri 27-Jan-12 01:23:01

Oh gosh. How is your relationship in general? Are you good friends? Do you still fancy each other?

Feckadeck Fri 27-Jan-12 01:24:27

sorry missed your question Vicar - I think we are both happy. I have accepted but I do say stuff about getting back on track, etc and nothing seems to sink it. No I don't think I am. I think DH might be though. The times we have done it in the past few years is when he or I have been away for work and we've been apart a while.

BadDayAtTheOrifice Fri 27-Jan-12 01:24:54

What 'doesn't seem worth it', do you not enjoy sex with your DP?

Feckadeck Fri 27-Jan-12 01:26:19

BadDay - I'd say we had a good relationship aside for physically. We plan for future, we talk, we enjoy each other's company. It's all good.

Feckadeck Fri 27-Jan-12 01:27:07

I meant the rabbit thing doesn't seem worth it. Sex with DH would be ;)

methsdrinker Fri 27-Jan-12 01:29:06

Hmmm why have you got. Massively fat! Thyroid or seeme eatme disease. Could be depression . Either way it comes back to that rabbit. Exercise is very good for you. Horizontal jogging gives less stress on your joints. But don't swallow too many calories.

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 27-Jan-12 01:29:33

i think, if you are not completely happy with the frequency then you need to talk.

if you were both happy then its a non problem. but if you are not, you need to have the old heat to heart....

janelikesjam Fri 27-Jan-12 01:32:15

Is one of you v. angry about this? V. Bored? Pretty Pissed off with the situation? Just wondering. This can also be hidden IMO.

Feckadeck Fri 27-Jan-12 01:34:08

Funnily enough I just got tested for tyroid issues last month methsdrinker - all normal. DH is really keen to get us both back on healthy track and arranged for us to join a gym. He knows I am not happy with weight and he wants to lose some too. Maybe that will lead to better things in the bedroom though will remember advise re calories being swallowed lol

I said to DH loads of times about it but he says bed is for sleeping and he falls asleep as soon as head it's pillow.

BadDayAtTheOrifice Fri 27-Jan-12 01:35:11

Thats good. I'm a bit like this with my own DP, but I think it's mostly because he works regular hours and I work stupid random shifts meaning we are rarely in bed at the same time, plus we have 2 DC's.
If you are posting about this, it must obviously bother you, have you talked with DP about it?

EirikurNoromaour Fri 27-Jan-12 08:25:42

I wouldn't live like this to be honest. Bed is for sleeping? Refuses to discuss it? Doesn't see a problem? Sorry, but it sounds like your DH is the issue here. This needs confronting, if you don't, you are unlikely to have either children or a fulfilling sex life ever again.

katykuns Fri 27-Jan-12 09:50:49

I think that if you don't have it fairly regularly, you don't really feel the need to have it... I have had a disasterously low sex drive over the last 2 years, but since getting pregnant appears to have picked back up. We started 'doing it' a bit more, and now the good ole sex drive is back ;)

If your partner thinks bed is for sleeping, then maybe try it other places? ;) It made a massive difference also when we both made more of attempt at foreplay, because we had got a bit lazy and would just go 'straight in' and its not really very enjoyable, nor an expression of love. I will also recommend having sex at different times of day, when I get in bed ready for sleep, I am rarely interested in sex.

Watch some sexy stuff, send flirty texts, get yourself that rabbit and plenty of lube hehe. Start losing weight and reward yourself with some sexy bras and knickers smile Then if you are putting a bit of work in and not getting any 'results'... you need to sit down and have a really good talk x

G1nger Fri 27-Jan-12 09:55:29

The more you have it, the more you'll want it. Buy a vibrator (and encourage your husband to watch....)

TeddyBear2015 Thu 11-Jun-15 23:42:58

My boyfriend and I have a five month old now and haven't had sex since April 2014. At first he said it was inappropriate because I was pregnant and now it's because the baby is in the house. He wants more children but I cannot ever see how this will happen. I'm almost in the same boat. Does anyone know how I can convince him. He won't even talk about it and changes the subject or gets embarrassed if I even skirt the subject.

Sorry to hijack but I'm struggling with the same thing. I feel very very unattractive and also think having a baby has made him see me different.confused

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