To make DD go to singing group?

[skrumle]

DD currently has the following afterschool activities:
Hockey (1 hour on a Monday)
Guides (2 hours on a Tuesday)
Singing (1 hour on a Thursday)

she wants to give up singing and i'm not letting her, cue temper tantrums this evening when it was time to go. she's 11, has quit loads of different afterschool activities over the years, doesn't have a different one she wants to go to instead and really wants to just have some more time to laze about watching TV/reading/playing on her Ipod. I think that she enjoys the group when she's there, they are teaching her to sing "properly", she has a decent voice and it's good for her!

AIBU?

[abbierhodes]

Yes of course YABU. How many groups are you forced to go to whether you like it or not? Of course she wants to laze around...why shouldn't she? She's presumably at school all day as well as other activities. When does she get to just be a kid?

[abbierhodes]

Explain to me how 'it's good for her'.

[Bogeyface]

You want her to sing properly, you want her to make the most of her decent voice, you think she enjoys it and you think its good for her.

Where does her opinion come into this?

YABVVU

[ll31]

she's already doing 2 activities - would think yabvu - all you can do is expose your child to many activities and interstes but without overloading them - and let them choose what they're really interested in - she may have lovely voice but if she's not really interested in singing then she's not interested. And doing an activity at her age should only be if she wants to ..

[skrumle]

the rest of the time? she's only at school 9-3 (out of the house 8.50am - 3.15pm) and she doesn't get that much homework.

i volunteer and do it whether i can be arsed or not a particular day.

[Mrsrobertduvall]

Why has she decided to give up singing?

[heyannie]

I think she is old enough to make up her own mind, sounds like she is doing enough with the guides and hockey.

[rhondajean]

I don't think you are, my dd is almost the same age and given th choice would lie on her bed attached to an iPod permanently. This is not good for their development or their mental health.

I've laid down a few house rules over the last few days and she's been throwing major strops but they will be staying.

Three evenings a week still leaves four evenings to lounge around. If you say she goes, she goes. If you pick her up in tears every week, that's a different thing altogether.

One thing to watch out for though - is she getting bullied at school about going? Girls are awful.

[Bogeyface]

Thats the point YOU volunteer YOUR time because it is something YOU want to do. Would you volunteer for something you didnt want to do just because your DD thinks you would enjoy it and thinks it would be good for you?

[rhondajean]

Yeah there's a lesson about commitment as well.

[abbierhodes]

Why don't you work? What do you do in the evenings?

[skrumle]

i think she enjoys it because at pick up time she says she's enjoyed it...

she did get fed up just before christmas because they did several concerts and i think she's not really into the performing side of it. but she is into music - gets clarinet lessons at school and plays the keyboard.

rhondajean - am wondering about the bullying but can't see why anyone would pick on a singing group as an issue?

[skrumle]

i do work - 2 evenings a week and at the weekend...

[Bogeyface]

So she has to practice her instruments too, and you are saying that she wants to sit around doing nothing? I bet she would love the chance to do that!

Give her a break, and save yourself the job of running her there and back.

[Hairytoes]

I think she should take up fishing too, you could take her and sit around for a couple of hours. Nothing beats a bit of mother and daughter bonding.

[rhondajean]

Skrumie they pick on anything.

My dd is a national gold medallist in her chosen sport and she gets it for that, to the point where she hasn't wanted to go train.

Sometimes though they just need a wee kick to get off their backsides at this age.

[QuietNinjaLamp]

You sound quite pushy.

[rhondajean]

Groups at present 4 hours per week
One hour music practice each day 7 hours per week
Homework probably 2 hours per week
School 32.5 hours including travel.

That's 45 hours a week. Averaging it out per day and including 10 hours sleep/ bath / eating time, that leaves over 7 hours per day for seeing friends and doing nothing.

I firmly believe that you don't find them positive activities at this age, you are asking for trouble later, they will find ways to fill that time.

[skrumle]

am actually snorting with laughter at all of you imaging her busy life... she sat around doing basically nothing (with her dressing gown on!) for 2.5 hours this afternoon. tomorrow it will be 4-5 hours. saturday she's having to do a bag pack for an hour to raise funds for her school trip next month so i guess it will be only 8-10 hours of the same!

she doesn't practice her instruments in any regular way whatsoever - i would reckon she does a max of an hour a week on the clarinet and the keyboard is just whenever it takes her fancy.

[rhondajean]

I was being generous on the music practice and I knew it!!

Mines is the same age you see - I am totally on your side.

[rhondajean]

And what IS it with wearing the dressing gown all the time????

[skrumle]

thanks RJ - the fact yours is the same age and has the same attitude is reassuring me... i don't want to put her off anything but she is a lazy toerag, does nothing round the house and is bright so finds school a doddle. i feel like if i just keep letting her quit things i'm not really doing her any favours.

clearly the majority view is that IABU but actually having had to think about it to answer some of the questions i have just reassured myself that i'm not

[Bogeyface]

The reason I think YABU is that my mother was just like you. She worked, she volunteered at church, she was always doing something. She insisted that we all did too, even my dad who worked 12 hour shifts.

She seemed to view sitting around reading or just chilling as something to be avoided at all costs. I grew to hate, at various points in my twwnes/teens : guides, church choir, church youth group, athletics club (and I was bloody good :( ), school choir, school productions and the mentor group at school where 6th formers ran homework clubs for the lower years. All of these things bar the athletics, were forced on me, and I grew to loathe them all.

If you want her to pissed off with you and ditch singing probably never to return as soon as she can, then please do force her. Otherwise let her choose her own activities and stop being so pushy!