To hope lost sex drive will just return?

[TongueTwister]

Since having ds 2 years ago, I just don't make time to have sex... Anyone else out there who is the same? I enjoy it, just can go without it...it gets sidelined by other things... What is wrong with me?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Nothing is wrong with you but I advise you to make it a priority, even if you don't really feel like it, the more you have it the more you want it :)

[TongueTwister]

Is that true... The more you have it? I would love for my sex drive to return, I love sex, it's just that I don't prioritise it at all... And my life is all about what needs to be done...

[McHappyPants2012]

tonguetwister, i am the same....watching this thread with intrest

[bringmesunshine2009]

Oh likewise. Can't think of anything I'd rather do less. I am fucking shattered and feel as sexy as a pot plant. Libido, zero. :(

[LowRegNumber]

I agree, more you do it more you get into The mood for it. Even if you just give it a go once or twice you may find the inclination increases. Tbh I think it is totally normal after a child but it can become a habit not to iyswim?

[TongueTwister]

It's awful... I just don't get why it's not on my mind more.... Think the truth is, got lots of other stuff on my mind and don't have time to fantasise... Hate it. Want to be the girl I was before. My poor dp... Can't you be a mother and a sex siren?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Yes I believe so. My advice (and I have a 3yo, full time job and a sex life) do it earlier in the evening on the sofa if necessary, don't wait til you're in bed and ready for sleep. Think about sex, read sexy stories, whatever gets your motor running. Don't worry about having long sessions, a quickie is fine as long as you both come, and try to keep up grooming/hair colour or whatever makes you feel good. If unwelcome thoughts about being unsexy start to intrude then banish them. You are a sexy woman and that's that :)

[TongueTwister]

You're right I need to indulge my sexual side, pay more attention to it. Will try sexy stories and maybe even porn... It's like I've switched that side off although I know it's there somewhere... But it takes a lot to bring it out. Like I'm desensitised or something.

[TongueTwister]

Hate my laziness towards it.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

I think it is easily done. But easily recovered too.

[HandMini]

Obsidian speaks much sense. I recommend the quickie. This is going to sound awful, but sometimes it's like going for a run - you don't want to, but once you get started it feels great and afterwards you feel warm, glowing and fulfilled. And I don't know about you but I always sleep brilliantly after sex, so while I may have had half an hour less sleep to do it, I will have better quality sleep afterwards. Go forth and shag.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Half an hour try ten minutes? It's true though, an orgasm is the best thing to get you to sleep.

[TongueTwister]

Thing is... I used to be able to come within 20 mins... Since giving birth and stitches, everything seems to have moved and got less sensitive so now can take an hour, which quite frankly is a mission for both of us :(

[TongueTwister]

Do you think vibrators desensitise you more? Or help?

[lagrandissima]

You're not using hormonal contraceptives are you (e.g. pill, mirena)? They can also adversely affect your sex drive. But you sound pretty normal, it's hard to feel like a tiger when you're getting less sleep than you need and your day is spent running around looking after other people. However it will get easier, you will one day get more rest and have a bit more time to yourself - in the meantime try to set aside a little time each week to chill out with your partner and see what happen...

[TongueTwister]

Stopped my pill as I thought it might help, 2 months and still the same.

[LowRegNumber]

Stop worrying about climax. It takes time to get all the sensations back, everything has moved and your body/brain needs to learn again but that will happen. Relax and give it a go, focus on enjoying the closeness etc and orgasm will sort itself out in time :)

[TongueTwister]

The other thing is, you know when you are really close but you think about it too much and it disappears? Think I have a bit of a complex about not being able to come quickly since giving birth.

[lagrandissima]

Not sure how long it takes for effects to wear off - maybe someone else can contribute their experience of this. What you say WRT taking an hour to come - perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourselves to reach that goal when you are tired and distracted. Just a bit of time talking, kissing, fooling around would be a good start for the time being?

[TongueTwister]

You know what, that's the problem. I've always pretty much seen climaxing as the goal, so does dp, as is me climaxing and now everything has moved its put me off. Need to try to just enjoy it and not worry about orgasms. Cesarean next time ;)

[AdditionMultiplication]

Watching with interest. I have NO libido at all. Have often thought about asking how to increase it but have thickened out of starting the thread! My dd is 20 months and still bf. Will happily lurk for any tips!
Does it magically reappear when you stop bf'ing? Not that dd is likely to stop any time soon as I am a human dummy :(

[michglas]

Erotic novels are good for feeding the sex drive, did wonders for mine.

[TongueTwister]

I bf fit 12 months and has absolutely no interest in sex. In fact the thought of being touched repulsed me. Has improved but not much! Oh dear, it is a sad state of affairs. I think it's the fact I take so long to orgasm now that puts me off, as it feels like a mission that I don't havt time or energy for. Maybe one night with Robert pattinson or tom hardy would help ;)