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to feel awkward about lesbian nanny

(247 Posts)
WhatTheNannySaw Tue 03-Jan-12 07:23:26

I have name changed, for obvious reasons really as I am well prepared to get a flaming and would prefer that particular spectre not to follow me round MN.

I am also fairly ashamed/embarassed that I feel like this, it doesn't square with how I have previously viewed myself as pretty liberal and relaxed about everything and as such I have got myself fairly stressed about the situation and would really welcome some brutal honesty.

About a month ago I employed a new live in nanny, lets call her Sara. I wasn't aware that she was gay when I employed her. She is great with the children and I have absolutely no issue with that side of things, I should also stress that there is no question of her losing her job because of her sexuality, I realise that this is my problem not hers.

The problem is I just can't relax, it is not that I imagine that she fancies me but I suppose I feel the same as if there was another man in the house - I would be concious of the way that I dress, be more covered up etc and so I am with her around and as a result I am not doing the things I usually would.

DC4 has a room off mine, which means Sara sometimes sees me getting dressed or with a towel wrapped round me. In the morning I would come down a breakfast time in shorts and a cami PJ's but now feel uncomfortable. I am also more concious of getting my boobs out when I BF DC4.

I am being ridiculous aren't I? And I know I am behaving like a twat but I can't help but feel all wrong in my own house.

Tee2072 Tue 03-Jan-12 07:27:35

Yes, you are being absolutely ridiculous and egocentric to assume that she finds you at all attractive or is trying to 'see' something just because you are a woman and she is a lesbian.

Get a grip.

upahill Tue 03-Jan-12 07:29:21

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Rhubarbgarden Tue 03-Jan-12 07:30:27


Gigondas Tue 03-Jan-12 07:31:01

What the others said but why not shut the door when getting changed and as for bf, presumably you do this out and about without being inundated with admirers who can't keep away from you.

WestleyAndButtockUp Tue 03-Jan-12 07:31:07

Well, you are being ridiculous, but TBF to you, you wouldn't be the first person to find that your emotions don't quite harmonise with your self-perception.

There are also lots of people who cover up more if ANYONE who isn't family is in their house.

WheresMeJumper Tue 03-Jan-12 07:31:24

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Kayzr Tue 03-Jan-12 07:32:32

You are being ridiculous.

tigerlillyd02 Tue 03-Jan-12 07:33:48

Hmm, even if there was some sort of sexual attraction, in my opinion it's still not like having a man around. I mean a lesbian woman has her own breasts etc so is more than used to what they look like! You don't expect lesbian women to use mens toilets and dressing rooms do you?

MinnieBar Tue 03-Jan-12 07:34:38

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Backtobedlam Tue 03-Jan-12 07:34:44

I think you're being a bit daft! As long as she is good with the children and they get on well with her then it shouldn't make a difference. I'd feel a bit uncomfortable coming down for breakfast in pj's whoever was at my house (other than close friends/family) but I don't see why you'd only feel uncomfortable since you found out she's a lesbian? If you feel strange though, just buy a big dressing gown and wear that until you relax.

NorksAreMessy Tue 03-Jan-12 07:34:51

Well, I have never seen the need for this before, but here is my very first and inaugural

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 03-Jan-12 07:35:01

Oh my god so U
Nervous to breast feed around her? Oh for fuck sake. Get over yourself, and quickly. Have you never met a gay person before or something?

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 03-Jan-12 07:35:40

It is easy for everyone to say you are are being ridiculous or that you are being vain etc etc, but the fact of the matter is that this is how you feel. While YABU, you have to work out how to put your "pretty liberal and relaxed about everything" attitude into practice!!

fuzzpig Tue 03-Jan-12 07:35:40

You must be pretty vain if you think she is automatically looking at you 'like that'. Does every man you are acquainted with fancy you or something?

I don't know why I'm bothering to reply as I can hardly believe anyone would post this, but there does seem to be a common assumption (I've seen it in several places) that lesbians must be lusting after every woman they see. FFS.

QuietNinjaLamp Tue 03-Jan-12 07:36:12

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

WhatTheNannySaw Tue 03-Jan-12 07:36:42

Sorry I thought I had made it clear in my OP that I absolutely do not think she fancies me, nor do I think she is deliberately "trying to see" anything.

All I can equate it to is I would feel the same as if I had another male in the house. Eg. DC4 is at a point where she constantly bobs on and off whilst feeding and also I feed her to sleep, so often I will take her up to my bed and take my dress (or whatever) off and lie on the bed with her cuddled up. I wouldn't have a problem with a good female friend seeing me do this, I would feel uncomfortable with one of my good male friends seeing this, even though I know they don't fancy me.

MrsMangoBiscuit Tue 03-Jan-12 07:37:49

WheresMeJumper, that was uncalled for.
OP, You are being ridiculous, yes, but you know you are. As others have suggested, close ther door, and get a dressing gown for breakfast? Or you need to have a think about why you would feel that way if it were a man in the house, and then realise that this is not the same. FWIW, I'd be covering up if anyone was there other than DH and DD! blush

Flimflammery Tue 03-Jan-12 07:38:38

'lesbian' and 'nanny' in the same thread? Way-hay, this'll be good. I hope you're not feeling sensitive, OP.

namechangerbat Tue 03-Jan-12 07:39:09


get a grip.

WheresMeJumper Tue 03-Jan-12 07:40:21

Eh MrsMango whats uncalled for?

namechangerbat Tue 03-Jan-12 07:40:51

Why would ANYONE make female gay straight find a milky veiny baby snotty boob in any way attractive?

I've bf for 18 months and I bloody wouldn't.

namechangerbat Tue 03-Jan-12 07:41:16

*male / female / gay / straight

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 03-Jan-12 07:41:43

But she's not a man
She's a woman
With tits and a fanny like you
It's not like a man
Cos she is a woman
Like you

MrsMangoBiscuit Tue 03-Jan-12 07:41:55

WheresMeJumper, for saying the OP needed a good thump! The only thing you posted in fact.

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