to ask my BIL to take DS's present back?

[AKMD]

DS is 21mo. BIL has bought him a quad bike for Christmas. He phoned me just after he bought it and said that he'd got it even though he knew I wouldn't like it. I don't like it. We don't have space for it, we don't live close enough to a park for DS to be able to get much use out of it and I really don't want to set a precedent for buying expensive presents for DS when we made it clear to family last year that we are in favour of keeping presents simple.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Last Christmas FIL called me to say he was thinking of buying DS a sit-in baby walker. I said thankyou but we had looked into baby walkers and didn't want one for DS because of xyz reason. He bought it anyway and brought it round and was then offended when DH asked him to take it back. MIL called me earlier this year to say she had bought DS a ride-in car. DH asked her to take it back for exactly the same reasons as we don't want the quad bike.

I feel awful keeping on asking the ILs to take presents back as I was brought up that you receive any presents gracefully, no matter how awful you might think them, and that it is bad manners to do anything else, but I'm also feeling quite cross with BIL for knowingly putting us in this situation again. MIL has already told me not to tell him to take it back because he's so excited about giving it to DS but I feel that they are completely disregarding our wishes in favour of making a big show. If DS gets it BIL will want to see him on it and ask about it over and over. AIBU to ask him to take it back?

[squeakytoy]

YANBU at all. He is also far too young for what can potentially be a dangerous "toy".

Accept it though then perhaps find a "fault" with it, and exchange it for something more suitable..

[wannaBe]

yabu.

wtf is wrong with a child having a walker, or a sit-in car, and if it's one of the bikes I think you're referring to, while I wouldn't buy one for my ds if someone else had I would accept it gracefully.

You are being massively pfb about this and need to get over yourself, IMO>

[AKMD]

Another reason why we don't want him having one.

[savoycabbage]

I wouldn't want a quad bike but you have dug yourself into a hole now by rejecting two other gifts in the past.

[AKMD]

Walkers are dangerous if you live anywhere with steps. They also encourage walking on tip-toes. We also didn't have space for one.

Ditto sit-in car. Our garden has steps in it and we didn't have space to store it.

[YuleingFanjo]

YANBU imo, though is there any way you could accept it and then get rid of it - sell it ot gift it to someone else? I don't think it's being PFB if you really haver no space and there are safety issues, presumably you would feel the same way about it for any other children.

[AKMD]

ILs live quite close so no chance of getting rid of it unfortunately.

[belgo]

YANBU. Quad bikes are stupidly dangerous, I have seen a child using one in a park and nearly having an accident. ANd of course it meant that other children were not able to play in the park for fear of being knocked down.

Baby walkers are also not advised; in fact they are banned in some countries.

[ceebie]

A quad bike? Sorry, I am not up to speed (ahem) with these toys, but do you mean one of those motorised things? Surely that's insane? Or is it just a sit-in, push-along thing?

[mendipgirl]

I would just accept graciously and then get rid of it later. i do think it's rude refusing presents or asking for something different. Be grateful!

[AKMD]

It's motorised, goes about 3mph.

[ceebie]

NCT won't sell sit-in walkers either; push-along ones are fine.

[Forester]

YANBU. Maybe you could say that you appreciate his generosity but what would really benefit your DS would be for him to set up a savings account for him?

[YuleingFanjo]

"ILs live quite close so no chance of getting rid of it unfortunately"

you mean they would expect to see it being used? In that case you do need to tell them it's not something you will ever use. Get DH to do it if you don't want to. I assume it's this kind of thing? for a baby?

[Quenelle]

YANBU.

It's very unreasonable of people to buy huge toys that you have to find space for, especially if you've already asked them not to. Can't MIL keep the car at hers, if her garden is safe?

I wouldn't let DS ride a quad bike. I wouldn't let DH ride one. They're very dangerous. If BIL said he knew you wouldn't like it he can't be surprised when you ask him to return it.

[AKMD]

Yes, we suggested to FIL that he get a push-along walker, which he did and DS still loves it.

[tabulahrasa]

AKMD - that article isn't about the same thing, at least I wouldn't expect it to be...that's about those small actual quad bikes

The battery operated ones you get for toddlers have a top speed of about 3 and a half miles an hour, which is walking speed really. They'd not move with an adult and a toddler on them.


Not that I'd have one because of all the other reasons you've said - but just so you know he's not quite as irresponsible as you think.

[valiumredhead]

Accept it graciously ( then sell in on ebay! )

[ceebie]

I think that you should keep standing your ground. Your BIL knew you would not want it, he is disrespecting your parenting decisions. Normally I would say accept presents gratiously, but in this case I am completely with you. However, if it's your DH's family it would be better to let him deal with them if possible. YANBU.

[YuleingFanjo]

"He phoned me just after he bought it and said that he'd got it even though he knew I wouldn't like it"

phone him back, ask him to take it back to the shop and if he won't then say 'I'll be taking it back then even though I know you won't like it'.

[Quenelle]

No, mendipgirl it's rude to inflict crap on people when you know they don't want it. And it's rude to let people spend large amounts of money on stuff you are going to get rid of.

[AKMD]

YF those are the ones. DH has said but they keep coming back to me. I don't want to be the awkward IL but neither do I want to feel pushed into a corner.